I used to like Halloween. I grew up with a dress-up trunk every bit as magical as a Narnia wardrobe. To top that, I had a grandma who sewed costumes – from a Dutch girl and an Indian girl to an astronaut and a caveman — in an era when the term politically incorrect hadn’t been coined. Later, when Grandma retired her Singer, my best friend fired up her sewing machine and hot glue gun and took over making my costumes. Yup, I loved Halloween because I had to do very little to look good.
Fast forward a couple of decades. Enter children. Add my ever-growing phobia of crafts and anything requiring fine motor skills or time.
This is an equation for sucking at parenting, especially during holidays.
Here, then, are 5 Reasons Halloween Reminds Me I’m a Slacker Mom
Reason 1: Costumes
We have a dress up trunk in the basement filled with second hand costumes, some in better shape than others. Whenever people ask what my kids are going to be for Halloween, I say, “Whatever costume fits.” Last year, Halloween came after my kids had a growth spurt. William went as a tiger-preparing-for-a-flood; Vivian was a homeless princess.
Reason 2: Pumpkins
My kids have never carved a pumpkin. Add this to the lengthy list of vegetables they’ve never seen. Our jack-o-lanterns are plastic garage-sale-specials with generic grins.
Reason 3: Decorations
If it wasn’t for my sister-in-law who visited last weekend, we’d have no decorations. Thankfully, she instructed my kids how to make Kleenex ghosts and they started their own sweat shop.
Reason 4: Candy
I eat my kids’ Halloween candy. I call it community service. Then I throw the rest of it out. Well, at least the stuff I don’t like. Today I started on a slippery slope: I opened a box of candy we’re supposed to be giving out. I think I saw a free coupon for Weight Watchers inside the box.
Reason 5: School Treats
A memo came home from my kids’ school a couple of weeks ago outlining that parents are welcome to send in treats for the entire class on the Friday before Halloween. But, the note advised, send a treat that’s healthy, peanut-free, and pre-wrapped. Try as I may, I couldn’t think of anything that fit this category, so I sent in nothing. Still, my kids came with plenty of unhealthy stuff (I know it was unhealthy because I ate most of it).
If it didn’t require scissors and string, I’d make my kids UNICEF-like boxes to wear around the necks while trick-or-treating. Only these boxes would say “Future Therapy Fund.”
Any Halloween stories about your childhood or your children?