Today, I bring you a treat.
I am cross-posting. It’s kind of a cross between cross-pollination and cross-dressing. Or not.
My good friend, Kelly (who blogs at Dances with Chaos and Writing with Chaos) and I are posting on each other’s blogs. You can read me ranting about my twins when they were in preschool HERE. Go visit. And comment.
But first, allow me to introduce Kelly, whom I instant message most nights (we save each other’s writing souls).
Kelly grew up in the Midwest but now makes her home in Texas with CG (her husband), the Tackler (her four-year-old son), and Lil Diva (her 20-month-old).
Besides having gorgeous kids, Kelly is a person who makes me laugh, makes me smile and makes me breathe a bit easier. She is a good woman who has a good heart and a good family. She is Midwest Best. (In case I’m painting her as perfect, I’ll have you know that she is a reluctant house cleaner, a compelling fiction writer, and a dancing machine. And sassy).
Just days ago, Kelly packed up her two kids and flew with them back home to visit her family. What follows is their airport disaster.
***
The cosmic stars wanted to align for a cross guest post. I told Leanne, “I’ll definitely use your guest post for Dances with Chaos on Friday for “what the frak.” If for some reason I have a major “WTF moment” to share, I’ll just guest post over on your blog.” She agreed to the brilliant plan.
It began with a typical Up Way Too Late the Night Before Leaving as I double and triple checked lists.
I finally crashed around 1:30 AM.
Naturally, my body woke me around 4:30 AM, refusing to allow an uninterrupted night of sleep, in true traveling fashion. I eventually dozed off, silencing the brain’s last minute “to do” list.
The annoying iPod alarm marimba’d in my headset, tossing me into a state of confusion.
Just a second before, I’d been furiously packing, carrying grocery bags, watching the time tick away until I was certain we’d miss our flight. Not only that, Jamie Oliver had to get to the airport with his violin and we were his ride.
It took a few minutes for the packing panic to fade as I realized it was only a dream.
5:30 AM
Blurry eyed and half-dead, I ate a muffin and hopped into the shower.
6 AM
I executed repeated attempts to wake up CG, who had issues falling asleep the previous night.
I finished the last minute packing and tossed about tasks for him to help me with.
Lil Diva awoke in time to eat, and I nudged the groggy Tackler awake, with just enough time to get dressed and eat his Eggos in the car.
“Honey, I need you to load the car. The bags are ready.”
We were a whirlwind of activity. I helped carry some of the bags downstairs, collected socks for the kids, and quickly perused to make sure all charging cables and electronics were packed.
I almost forgot my earphones.
“Did you get everything? The stroller? The rolling carry-on?” I asked again, climbing into the car.
“I have everything.”
7:15 AM – running fifteen minutes late
We drove to the airport, a bit slow thanks to rush hour. Still, we pulled up to unload about 7:50 AM for our 8:55 AM flight. Plenty of time.
I grabbed the diaper bag, backpacks, and carry-on bag as CG unloaded the back of the van. I quickly loaded a few bags into the stroller.
Something was wrong.
I saw a stroller, all of our carry-on entertainment food and supplies, and a green suitcase belonging to my mother I planned to leave in Iowa; it only held shoes and diapers
The main bag? Missing.
“Uh, honey, where’s the black luggage?”
“Huh?”
“The black luggage we ALWAYS take on a trip.” Panicked, I glanced into the back of the van.
Empty.
WHAT. THE. FRAKKING. FRAK.
“I loaded everything downstairs.”
My heart raced, ready to explode. I entered a state somewhere between “nervous breakdown” and “meltdown”.
“YOU DIDN’T GET THE BAG? THE ONE THAT HAS EVERYTHING? ALL OF OUR CLOTHES, BABY MONITOR, NIGHT DIAPERS, TOILETRIES, PAJAMAS….. EVERYTHING?”
“It wasn’t there.”
“Did you not notice something was off? The green bag hardly weighs anything and everything else is carry-on? Do you really think I could travel that lightly with two kids for a week?”
“I only had three hours of sleep.”
I stood there stunned, my brain already in a metaphorical puddle on the ground, lost on how to proceed with these unfathomable circumstances.
I might have cried.
Something. Just do something. Anything. MOVE!
I raced into the airport, leaving my husband and kids by the curb.
There was no curbside check-in for my airline.
I cut to the front. “Excuse me, I have a quick question. If I left a bag at home that has everything and I’m traveling with two small children. Can it take another flight without me?”
The attendant gave me an incredulous look, as if the simple suggestion certified me to be locked up. “No, you’d have to FedEx it to your destination.”
I fled back outside. I grabbed the only suitcase. I might have spoken, but I can’t remember. I ran away again, my husband utterly confused.
I waited in line.
A different attendant got me.
“Hi I need to check in, but my two kids are outside with my husband our car seats, and the bag I need to take with me is at home and it’s impossible to get it here in time. Are there any other flights today?”
She asked to see my ID and clacked away at her computer.
No flights today.
“What about tomorrow, the same flight?”
More clacking, a phone, a page completely unrelated to me, more phone calls and clacking. Seven minutes later, “Yes.”
In the interim, CG called, wonder what the frak was up.
“I’m trying to get another flight. You need to call FedEx and find out what it costs to ship an almost fifty pound suitcase.”
The clock ticked. Soon, I would have trouble maneuvering through security and to our gate before our plane left.
I had to decide.
“Forget it. I’ll keep our flight. I’m leaving my luggage here and going to get my kids and car seats.”
I fled from the attendant and found CG still by the curb. “I need the car seats. Now.”
Car seats which took an unfathomable amount of time to extricate.
I ran in, one seat and the rolling carry-on dropped off, returning a final time outside to get the second car seat and the kids. “I need you to ship that asap. I want it tomorrow.”
“That would be $300.”
“As fast as humanly possible without costing the price of an airline ticket. I NEED THAT BAG.”
By the time you read this post, it hopefully will have arrived – two days later (I wrote this in the car as my brother drove us from Kansas City to Iowa, as my children napped together for the first time in… like…ever – a small payback for Wednesday morning).
I see a Target and a sizable donation to their bottom line in my future.
Just when I think Murphy can’t top himself… what the frak, ya’ll?
***
Do you have a luggage horror story?
Or other travel horror where Murphy targeted you?
**
And don’t forget to check out Ironic Mom at Dances with Chaos.
Kelly, my former horror story has just been downgraded. You win. Once I flew to Italy my bag didn’t make it but – oh well – I had to buy all new Italian clothes. Whoop de doo. Back then it was just me, myself and I. I would have died in your situation. After killing my husband twice. 😉
Awesome post!
Not having the bag when traveling with children = very bad.
Thankfully it was a trip to visit family, not say, Disney World.
Thanks to some neighbors with similarly aged kids (who I’ve talked to all of twice), a garage sale selling little girl clothes found through extreme serendipity, and washing clothes every night, we’ve mostly survived.
Underwear situation for is a bit critical…
Oh dear, Kelly…hope your bag makes it to Iowa (and your husband lives when you return home)!
Hmmm…Jamie Oliver playing the violin…that would be entertaining!
Have fun with your family!
Wendy
I know, right? Cooking, I’d get, but violin playing?
FedEx claims my bag is out for delivery as I type…
Oh goodness! I would almost cry at that too. I forgot an entire toiletry bag once and when you add that to the stress of packing for EVERYONE and NOONE cooperating I almost had a breakdown. I wanted to tell the family they were all staying home and mommy was going alone!
Now I just tell Doc, anything (ANYTHING) we forget I’m buying when we get there. No price is too high. He’s a lot more helpful about packing things now. 🙂
I would like to believe this shall not occur again, lesson learned.
I am also not likely to put everything in one bag again.
Thankfully, my son’s “lovey” he sleeps with every night was tossed into the carry-on instead of the suitcase in the last minute flurry. I do not want to think of the possible meltdown that would have occurred otherwise.
Thank you, last minute chaos…
Oh my, Kelly! You can’t make that stuff up. I’m glad I don’t have one to top that. I hope you’re able to have a great vacay anyway. If nothing else, you’ll have something to laugh about for years – well, at least, after things simmer down.
Our first vacation as parents, we started packing late. We packed & packed & packed. There was a lot of baby stuff. My wife packed her stuff, and I packed mine. I moved everything into the hallway, figured out where to put it all in the truck and got it loaded into the truck.
We were off for one week at the beach. We had our stuff, the baby’s stuff, my 10-year-old brother-in-law’s stuff, random communal beach toys.
My wife’s bag never made it. I figured it was my fault (most things are), so I offered to make the 5 hour drive back, pick it up, and drive back. However, gas was up to $4.23 that summer . . . I drive a gas guzzler. As long as we were somewhat frugal, a Target replacement would be in the same price range.
When we got back, her bag was neatly packed, but behind a cabinet . . . no idea how it got there, but it was just out of sight.
Wow. So I’m not the only one this has happened to.
Better to forget adult bag than one with baby monitors, lovies, and other “can’t live without” stuff.
Although if her swimsuit was there…. a good one is so hard to find.
Thanks for sharing!
Ok, seriously? I actually clutched my own throat and didn’t breath until the very end of this post. And a weird blush that starts on my chests and rises to my hairline has begun and this ISN’T EVEN MY LIFE!
Holy crap. Holy FRAK!
This takes “travelling with children” to an entirely different plane (plane! Ha! Get it?) of painful.
You are a good, good woman.
Just reading your reaction, I feel better.
Writing it in the car helped a lot.
Serendipity and the neighbors helped too.
Let this be a lesson to all: always double check the trunk/back of car before you leave.
Yes, this tale shall live on in infamy. I’m sure.
You don’t have to “top” it, any other travel horror stories are welcomed. 🙂
Oooops. This was in response to Kim..
Haha, no disaster stories per se. But I definitely had a really interesting one – the time 10 of us, including 8 college students, flew standby all the way to Indonesia. 6 flights. It begs for a post, so I’ll have to write one up.
Wow. Standby the whole way?
My mind cannot even fathom the “not knowing”, especially with two little ones in tow now.
Definitely sounds like a blog post.
Hi Kelly! I’ve recently discovered Ironic Mom’s blog, so I’ve only read a couple of posts. This one was awesome…I think I started holding my breath as soon as I read the title! I have an incredible level of respect for anyone who flies with kids on a regular basis. We’ve done it exactly once. After my 3 year old started screaming at airport security that he was not waiting for the security check that he was about to pee all over himself (as I had to restrain him in the 30 minute line) and then we were almost chased by said security when we literally started running through the airport looking for a restroom (sans shoes I might add) as soon as we cleared security, I feel like that method of traveling might not be the best for us. At least until we’re so far past the potty training phase that I’ve forgotten that terror all together.
We did not fly once during the nine months my son potty trained. We were far too prone to Poopapalooza’s and it just seemed like a bad idea. We’ve flown 4 times in the last year, to varying degrees of success (google “airplane poopapalooza and my blog and all will be clear). This was my first time alone, and as The Tacker actually listened while in the airport and plane, it went smoother than expected.
Except the whole missing bag thing.
Keeping Lil Diva happy in my lap as we sat on what was apparently the only working runway waiting for a line of planes to land (you’d have thought we were O’Hare or Atlanta), and in the air… that was the challenge. My son is great on planes once you give him his electronic device…. 🙂
Ahh technology.
I can picture your scenario and even see it happening to me.
My most sincere sympathies.
Oy. I have found, however, that when we go on vacation, it is remarkable how little we end up using from our suitcase. Hope the Tackler isn’t running around pantless and that your suitcase arrives soon.
Luckily I had one spare pair of underwear & pants for The Tackler, and one outfit for Lil Diva for “accident” purposes. One was in the wash at night, while the other was worn.
Me? Not so lucky…
Suitcase arrived 30 min ago! Whoohoo!
Holy, er, frak. My blood pressure rose just reading this. I applaud your quick decision-making skills. If I were in that situaiton (and it amazes me that I haven’t been…yet), I would have stood on the curb outside the terminal and cried. A big, ugly, embarrassing, inappropriate cry. And as I cried, my brain would have simply pinged “Does.Not. Compute. Does Not. Compute”.
I did have about two minutes where I stood there, no idea what to do.
I can’t remember if I cried. I certainly wanted to.
The time crunch finally made me move again, even though I had no idea what I was doing.
MY SUITCASE JUST ARRIVED!
Hallelujah!
Praise Jesus!
My husband left my garment bag carrying the outfit I was supposed to wear in an out-of-town wedding once. Luckily the bride had us wear whatever we wanted (rather, whatever flattered each of us) in a certain color rather than special ordered dresses. Whew! Nothing a trip to the mall as soon as it opened didn’t fix. But that could have been disastrous.
I’m taking a break from packing up my entire family and baby-wrangling all by my lonesome for a weekend trip (driving, thankfully) and am peeking over my shoulder for Murphy.
I shall endeavor to distract Murphy as much as possibly while you travel.
You’re right, the wedding thing could have been very bad.
I hope you don’t have too far of a drive. Enjoy your weekend!
Oh man, I have been there, but it was when I was the kid (9, I think?). We went on vacation and somehow our bag holding all our clothes went to another destination. We washed our underwear and socks in the hotel sink and wore the same clothes for 3 days before my Dad caved and bought us all souvenir shirts. =) I love the memories of that trip, but I am sure my Mother has nightmares still.
Also, CG owes you BIG time! Make him pay. LOL
Oh, Kelly. Two years ago, my family flew back to a tiny town in upstate New York for my father-in-law’s 70th birthday. (seriously. it’s n0-street-light tiny. two-mile-circumference tiny. tiny-tiny.)
EVERYONE in the town knows my father-in-law. Everyone was invited to the big party.
Except our luggage. THAT didn’t make it.
My husband and I planned to drive to the nearest Target (two hours away) but my mother-in-law was already searching for the keys to the church thrift store (where she volunteers).
And yes. Our entire family paraded around town for days in thrift-store clothes from the church that cost a grand total of $15.00.
The portraits for the 70th birthday (no joke) were all taken while we wore someone else’s wardrobe.
Upon our return, the outfit my daughter had gotten (a pink t-shirt that said “One Tough Cookie” and a pair of grey stretch pants) became her favorite. I had to hide it because she put it on every time it came out of the wash.
We will be going back next March for my mother-in-law’s 70th.
Pray for me.
Ok, as much as it sucked, that was a crazy practical solution.
Not even one store in town to buy a “nice” outfit for the photos?
I find it hilarious your daughter fell in love with one of the outfits.
I want to see the family photo… 🙂
Perhaps if we create a diversion, we can distract Murphy during your trip…
This is my nightmare. I probably would have told my husband to get a part time job because I was going SHOPPING. We leave for NYC Wednesday. I think I will make all of my kids wear two outfits, just to be safe.
I like the two outfit idea.
Just in case, perhaps some carry-on room can be found…
I try to fly direct to avoid these issues.
My brain tends to think of reactions that are really funny as an outsider. Unfortunately, my witty remarks might turn you homicidal so I’ll just say that sucks! Hope all rebounds for ya.
Homicidal? Really?
I always appreciate wit… I felt much better after writing this.
Having my luggage now doesn’t hurt.
Awesome story! I love this whole concept of blog switching. Great job, ladies!
The switching wasn’t planned per say – the whole reason I had guest posts was so I didn’t have to write.
Sometimes, you just have to vent so you don’t hire a professional killer to off your husband while away on vacation.
So I write.
This was one of those times.