My humor column today in The Calgary Herald begins like this:
If you want to know how to ruin Mother’s Day, ask my husband. He was born on Mother’s Day. This year, his birthday once again falls on Sunday, and in the reality game of celebrations, birthdays trump pushing a kid (or two) out your vagina. (To continue reading, go to Why celebrating Mother’s Day Makes Me Want To Drink).
In honor of my husband’s birthday which is ruining Mother’s Day because he’s at work and I have the kids all day, I am giving you the opportunity to ask him questions. In the great tradition of stealing other people’s ideas, I am riding on the coattails of Tamara Outloud, who invited her readers to submit questions that would be answered by her husband.
This idea scares me. If you don’t know my dear husband (DH), consider yourself warned. If you want proof of his twisted sense of humor, check out 5 Blog Posts My Husband Wanted To Write in 2010, when I was battling pneumonia:
If you want to know some (more) of his interests, here are a few:
- sports, sports and sports (mostly NBA, NFL, MLB, and rugby)
- stand-up comedy
- serial killer books, depressing Russian Lit, and anything Gulag related
- The Walking Dead, The Sopranos, The Wire, Dexter
So in the comments below,
ask any questions (serious or quirky) about me, about Canada, about whatever keeps you up at night.
My DH will answer them in a guest post next week. You’ll get some freaky interesting answers. I promise.
As regards The Walking Dead, is its governance now a “RickTocracy,” or a “RickTatorship?” Can I get a Mr. Ironic
MomMan ruling, please?I love that Vivian was burping William. Natural maternal instinct right there.
Mr. Ironic, since it doesn’t seem likely that retailers will drop the hype (let alone the revenue) of Mother’s Day for the sake of your birthday…would you consider moving your day of celebration?
Mr. Ironic, what’s shaking? Perhaps you could parlay the time honored remembrance of your arrival into a weeklong celebration, and allow the offspring to worship both maternal and paternal holidays.? (Plus fathers day is fast approaching in June!) thoughts?
I’m glad you’re borrowing Tamara’s idea!
I’d like to know what your husband would say is his favorite, er favourite quality about you. And also what is his funniest memory about you. I realize this is not in question form but I think you can both figure it out.
Who is your answer to Leanne’s Colin Firth?
What’s your favorite thing to do with Leanne that you can tell us about on a family-fairly-friendly blog?
Who are the funniest and second-funniest women in the world?
What was your reaction to learning you’d be having twins?
Do you think of Canada as the US’s hat or of the US as Canada’s pants? (I live in Florida; For the sake of my state’s dignity, I have to see y’all as the hat…)
What do Leanne’s fart smell like? I’ll a some combination of apple juice and chalk. Or does she not do that?
When the WordBitches go on their writers’ retreats, what is the craziest thing you have ever done with the kids that you have NEVER told Leanne? *whispering* (You can tell me. I won’t tell anyone.) 😉
Leanne,
First, thank you for the acronym definition (DH). Renee uses those things all the time and I have. no. idea. what. she’s. talking. about. Seriously, there must be a bloggers’ guide to acronyms out there somewhere (preferably accompanied by a Twitterer’s guide to hashtags).
Secondly, about the sports. What? No NHL?? Aren’t you Canadian??
Lastly, if Mr. Ironic could have a weekly feature here on Ironic Mom, what would it be called? And why?
Oh Leanne . . . you have my complete and utter sympathy. My hubs’ birthday (today) often falls on Mother’s Day. Add to that my youngest’s birthday a week prior, and it is bday celebrationapalooza all up in da house!!! . . . oh, yeah, happy something or another to you too, mom . . . Sigh.
Lover of stand up comedy+interest in serial killers=the perfect man for you! #twistedinagoodway
Why don’t you just write this blog?
Albatross!
Great blog. Was having one of those ‘straight from a sitcom (at least that’s how I’ve chosen to see it 😉 ) days and this made me giggle. Thanks!
Who are the two women funnier than Leanne? It boggles the mind to think there’s even one.
Every parent has The Evil Eye. Who deploys theirs most in your house and at whom? What did you do (or say) that caused Leanne to unleash hers on you?
I love all these husbands making the rounds.
What’s your favourite memory from when you and Leanne were Ironic Boyfriend-and-Girlfriend?
If you had to escape the gulag with a professional athlete, stand up comedian, and character on The Walking Dead, which 3 individuals would you pick?
Do you believe that Leanne’s internet friends are real people based on their names?
Leanne talks a good game, but if the two of you played a game of one-on-one in the driveway, who wins? Do you have a signature move?
When you put on a new roll of toilet paper…over or under?
To He Who Married the Ironic One:
Did I just use “who” correctly? My 8th grade English teacher was new and the 7th grade football coach – I was teaching him grammar and therefore never learned the who/whom rules.
I am currently watching Season 4 of Dexter. I’ve heard the show starts to go downhill. Do I bother continuing?
How many licks does</em? it take to get to the center of a Tootsie pop?
What are your top 5 favorite blog posts of Leanne's?
Would you notice (hypothetically speaking) if I moved into your basement for most of August?
What is your favorite serial killer movie/book?
Dear C.
Please resolve the now over a decade long debate amongst your friends and colleagues. Who (you or your wife) shakes it better when Scottish country dancing?
Can you tell me what bacon does to your lips?
Interesting questions… (ellipse- shudder*)
I don’t know Leanne. I’d be very afraid. LOL I look forward to your DH’s answers.
I’ll play along. If Leanne could drive a sports car for the day, what kind would she choose?
oh and one other-
what is Leanne’s favourite Shakespeare play and why?
Where is the best place to watch the Pride parade go through Springbank Hill?
Does Leanne get pissed off when you watch the Kiwi Rugby in the wee hours and do you sleep half the next day?
When did you know you were in love with Leanne? Was it love at first funny bite, um, sight? What’s the sweetest thing you’ve done for her? (If it doesn’t blow our socks off, feel free to do something that does before responding. Hint…hint…HINT.)
Why Canada?
Dude, a few questions:
1. Why does she drink all that wine all the time?
2. What annoys you the most when L. writes?
3. Besides her laugh when she cracks herself up, what’s the weirdest noise you’ve ever heard come out of her?
4. What’s your first thought when she says she’s going to a conference?
5. Is there enough kale in your diet?
6. Are you signed up for her blogs or do you just wait for her to read them out loud to you?
7. How many times a month do you have to tell her to turn the computer off and come to bed?
8. Boxers or poodles?
9. Do you still think she’s crazy?
10. What’s your first thought when she says, “I’m going to make a video?”
11. One a scale from 1 to 10, how good are the Father’s day gifts you get?
Thank you and good luck.
Okay–I will play. What are the three things that you love most about Leanne?
These questions are KILLING me. Seriously, dying over here in California.
Ironic Husband, do you consider yourself funnier than Ironic Mom?
(Sorry, I just like seeing people fight)
O:)
Why don’t you ever attend your twin’s music classes with or instead of letting Leanne have all the fun?
signed,
Your kid’s music teacher