The year 2011 saw its fair share of beauty disasters.
Based on my own experiences, I can now speak with authority about The Dos and Don’ts of Beauty.
- DO buy a flat iron for your hair.
- DON’T use your flat iron for removing the wrinkles from the skirt you wear once a year. A real iron works better for this. Just hike your skirt up to the ironing board (it helps if you’re at least 5’10”) and iron while wearing. If you stand on your tippy toes while ironing, it also tones your calves.
- DON’T staple the hem of your pants when it drops midday. Consider tape instead; it doesn’t put holes in the fabric.
- DON’T use duct tape to fix the hem on your pants. Duct tape was invented to make ammo cases waterproof in World War 2. If you’re going to use it on your wardrobe, you’d better be packing heat.
- DON’T go for a facial. While it might be the most enjoyable 90 minutes of your year, the lecture at the end makes your dental hygienist sound like a cutesy-wutesy preschool teacher.
- DO listen when your facialist tells you to use SPF on your face. Explain that you do use 15. When she says, “Use something stronger,” leave her a smaller tip, and when you go home, consider having vodka instead of wine.
- DON’T use an eyelash curler that breaks off your eyelashes.
- DO get your eyebrows waxed. When the beautician mentions that you haven’t been there since 2006, ask, “Is five years between appointments too long?”
- DO spend $150 on an Empreinte bra that was made for your impossible-to-find size.
- DON’T expect bra-empathy from your 34A friend.
Any beauty/clothing disasters or tips from 2011 that you want to share?