It’s the advent of Christmas Card Season, when things other than bills grace my mailbox. Whenever I get a Christmas card, I go through the Kubler-Ross stages of emotions, from denial (It’s not Christmas again, is it?), to guilt (I really should send Christmas cards), to bargaining (If you’re going to send me a card, […]
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It’s the end of Black Friday. From corporate America’s perspective, this means today was the biggest shopping day of the year, offering retailers a chance to jump from a deficit (red) to a profit (black). From a parent’s perspective, however, Black Friday means the opposite: bankrolling Santa’s shopping spree will send my VISA card into […]
So yesterday was Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day. Apparently it’s an annual holiday. I don’t know who celebrates it, but I’m guessing their friend-count on Facebook might be in the single digits. As I alluded to in an earlier post, one of my useless claims-to-fame is that I can sneeze like Donald Duck, a “talent” […]
My 5-year-old twins desperately want a pet. They’d love a cat, but they know their father is seriously allergic to any fluff ball. So they’ve settled on a dog. I try to avoid this debate about pets, because the odds are pretty even. When my husband’s home, it’s two against two; when he’s out, we […]
With increasing frequency, I find myself starting sentences with a phrase I thought I’d never say: “When I was your age…” Yup, nothing says you’re old like those words, which have been uttered by old people since the Industrial Revolution. Usually, “when I was your age” serves as a cop-out for my cheapness. I say […]
Today is Married To a Scorpio Support Day. That makes me laugh. Is there a support group for people married to bulls? I mean the astrological sign – not the animal or the basketball team — though I supposed being married to a large mammal would necessitate a support group too. Fluorescent Scorpion, by Schristia […]
It’s report card season, that time when teachers churn out more euphemisms than the Department of Defense did when Bush was in power. I should know: I’m a teacher. And, like my colleagues, I can turn the phrase “should stop spitting on his notebook” into “would benefit from controlling his enthusiasm.” Still, as useless as […]
1. “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” (Erma Bombeck) I’m with Erma on most things, including the playpen – or its euphemistic cousin, the play yard. Like suburban homes throughout the Western world, my home comes equipped with a Time Out Chair. […]
I was once one of those holier-than-thou women who – in spite of having no children – had very specific ideas on how to raise them. I recounted many of these myths in So Much for My Kid Commandments. The ideal that has crashed to the ground the hardest, however, is no TV in the […]
Starting a blog is like having twins. Well, sort of. There are similarities, in the same way getting a splinter is equivalent to hacking off your finger. Before you realize you’re going to start a blog – or have twins – life is pretty cruisy. You have free time, and later on when you’re truly […]