When I was young, I remember watching my older sister and mom bake a cake. I got into a fight with my sister and called her a bastard. My mom froze, beaters in hand, and said in a tone I rarely heard, “Where did you hear that?”
“School,” I said, eyes downcast, tears threatening to overflow. I knew I had disappointed my mom. Gravely.
“That’s a very bad word,” she said. “If I ever hear you use that word again, I’ll wash your mouth out with soap.”
Thankfully, I never had to stomach a bar of Ivory. Recently, though, I have had to do some parenting with regards to my own children and swearing. There have been three separate incidents in the past couple weeks, but it started long before then.
Here’s a brief retrospective on swearing and my kids:
Age 3: My husband is driving the kids to their day home and they overhear him “educating” another driver. Later, Vivian asks, “Daddy, what does ‘bucking slow down’ mean? I’m thankful the reverberating bass on our cheap minivan stereo has ruined her hearing.
Age 4: I’m playing a rhyming game with my kids. William suggests truck. We successfully rhyme luck and duck. Then Vivian pauses, “V-V-V-Vuck. Is vuck a word, Mommy? I think it’s a word.”
Age 5: I’ve repressed any vucking bucking bad memories.
Age 6, Part A: I walk in our front door to be bombarded by my two kids, talking over each other to tell me about their day. William played with a new friend at recess. Some little demon on the bus taught Vivian how to give the middle finger and told her it was nice.
Age 6, Part B: Vivian and William are in Music for Young Children classes. They are learning finger numbering through a song with actions. Sing with me now, while extending your middle finger: “Finger three is growing, growing, growing. Finger three is growing oh so tall.”
Age 6, Part C: Vivian comes home from school in tears. A boy at her table group is going to give her nightmares tonight, she says. My mind fast-forwards to dozens of possibilities. I sit down with her and breathe. Finally, she says, “He said a word. I know it was very bad. I didn’t really understand it…I think it started with an F though.” Her phonics have progressed, I think. I ask her if the boy was speaking to her. “No,” she answers, “he was talking to the scarecrow he was trying to make.”
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Have you had to deal with swearing? If so, how did you deal with it?
The Boy is 15 and a gamer. What I do now is ask him to please not entertain the whole street with his colorful language. I’ll give him this. He’s creative.
“Colorful” is a great euphemism. It’s hard for me to imagine my kids being 15. I think this is a good thing.
The old “Hawaiian Peace Sign”. Could have learned that one watching NFL football last Sunday!
NFL…maybe that’s where my husband picks up his gestures.
My last blog was about my daughter (two and a half) repeating our profanity slips. I can’t imagine what’s in store for us in the future.
Sometimes I think it’s best we don’t know what’s in store for us in the future. Most of us would never get out of bed!
My situation now is having my kids go from a Catholic grade school/middle school to a public high school. Boy did things change when that happened. I don’t even allow “shutup” in our house. Words were slipping out at home. Luckily my kids knew enough to catch themselves. But when they were little if they said any of “the words” we would bring it to their attention and ask them why the felt they had to use “that word”. We would then together try to come up with another word to be used in place. Now I catch my kids starting to saying “the word” but will quickly replace it with something else.
Good luck and enjoy these years. I remember when my kids were 11, 10, 8, 6 and 2. Now they are 19, 18, 17, 14 and 10. Only 3 at home. I love and enjoy my life but miss those early years. WOW if I could do things different. (That’s a whole another blog, uh?)
Maria Hughes, REALTOR
maria.hughes@remax.net
I love this method. I do my best to do that but, I ususally just end up getting upset with them for saying “shut up”. Other words my kids tend to hear while in the car with my mom and I do my best to tell them not to say what nana just said if they ask.
I love the phrase “not to say what nana just said”!
@ Maria: Five kids? My hat’s off to you. You raise two great points: they do grow up quickly and there’s always things we’d change. Thanks for giving me hope to move forward!
When my daughter was 6, I suggested she read a certain children’s book. “No!, Mommy,” she said in horror. It has the “S” word in it. As I am going through MY list of S words that are bad, I asked her which one SHE meant. As she colored up in embarassment she whispered, “Stupid”. I breathed a sigh of relief.
Now she is 14 and knows the Sh word, the F word, and all the other words on the list. The other day she asked how old she should be before she was allowed to use those words. I thought for a moment and answered, “When you can handle the consequences.” We walked through a couple of scenarios that included her father, her grandparents, her younger cousins, and adult strangers. How do you think they would react? How do you want people to see you?
Some time after that, I caught a post on her facebook where she pointed out to a friend that adults could see his facebook posts and he might want to think about how he was coming across – I was proud.
Now if I could just get her to stop using Oh My God!
It sounds like you’ve raised a mature young woman. I can only hope…
I’ll never forget when my youngest was trying to help me find my shoe, she was 3 at the time. As I searched, I was careful not to curse, then I hear her say “Mommy, where is that F***n shoe?” I just about died. I was so surprised to hear that come out of her sweet little innocent self that I spun around and said, horrified “WHAT did you say?” Her lip started to quiver & tears welled up. She knew she’d disappointed me. I hugged her and told her it was a big person word & even grown ups should never say that word but sometimes they do. I was just upfront & honest with my kids. It seemed to work as they are now 17 and 21 and still don’t like to curse.
“Big person word” strikes me as a very honest explanation. And you raised two young adults who don’t like to curse? Wow!
I had my “oh-my-god-i-am-the-worst-parent-in-the-world” moment when my daughter was three. We were driving home from something and I was feeling lazy and decided to just stop somewhere and pick dinner up. I gave the toddler in the backseat the choice of options and told her she could decide. From her car seat, this little three year old voice says, (in perfect intonation, I might add) “Ahhh, fuck it. Let’s go to Burger King.”
And being the responsible parent I was, I pulled over to the side of the road because I was laughing so hard I couldn’t drive.
We did have a conversation about word appropriateness and so forth. She didn’t use it again as a youngster, but now that she’s in middle school she is greatly amused by the word and will joke with mom and dad about it.
That was HYSTERICAL!! Laughed so hard I read it twice. 🙂
Hahaha! I would hate to hear this from my sister’s little almost-3-year-old mouth but this was hilarious!
@thesacredandtheprofane Gina and Raquel are right. Thanks for making me laugh out loud. It sounds like the type of story that will be retold when your daughter’s an adult!
All the little tales are so sweet 🙂 I enjoyed reading this post,Thanks for writing this!
Thanks for taking the time to comment!
When I was 8 and was playing at recess I read the F-word on one of the playground forts. I kept saying it over and over but I had no clue what it meant- then one of my friends told me it was a bad word. I felt awful, bad words were a big no-no at my house and soap in the mouth was a very real threat, but knew I had to tell my Mom. That night at dinner (which I couldn’t eat for fear) I told my Mom I had said a bad word but I didn’t know it was bad until after I said it,she asked me what I said and I told her- she nearly choked to death. I ran from the room crying and feeling like the worst daughter ever. She followed me, sat down with me and explained that what I sad was bad but that I hadn’t said it intending to hurt anyone and that know I knew and should never say it again because next time I would be in trouble. I remember thinking I had to best Mom in the world. She totally understood that I had no clue what I was saying. Excellent parenting moment.
Great post!!!!
That is a nice moment. It certainly beats soap in the mouth. It’s nice when we remember excellent parenting moments when we’re adults…not sure my twins will be able to, though!
oh yes we had the swearing talk already, my nine year old was graced with her own ipod for her birthday last year, there really things she shouldn’t repeat on mine, so we do Hannah Montana, Justin Beeper(I refuse to call him by name), The Beatles(she does have some good taste) and some Gwen Stefani. I should have paid closer attention I know. She has her head phones on, playing her DS while we are headed to the lake for a nice day of fishing. You know how loud people get when they are doing that off key singing with headphones on. You been there I am sure of it. I few minutes in I hear her spelling the word bananas. Then at the top of her off key lungs “This Shit is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S.” At first I was livid L-I-V-I-D. Then we had a more mature talk about why it is we shouldn’t swear. Now we have a swear jar.
This had me laughing out loud. You told it very well. I was L-A-U-G-H-I-N-G!
Oh my GOSH! Who would even consider that finger song?? WHAT?
Your kids sound great:)
The song is hilarious. When I’m annoyed at my husband, I now sing, “Finger 3 is growing…”
Picture this….my son, age 5, is trying to pull back the minivan sliding door when it gets stuck.
Son: “F@#*!n’ door,” he says, casually.
Me: “What…what did you say?” (In forced “mom-calm” voice)
Son: “F@#*!n’ door. That’s what you say when things don’t work, right?”
Me: Trying to keep my tone as non-chalant as possible while not laughing…”No honey, we say, “Oh darn, this thing is not working. Can I get a little help here?”
Son: “Oh,okay. Help.”
Sarcastic teenager in back seat: “Nice Mom…. you know he learned that from you.”
A teaching lesson for us all!
Nothing like the sarcastic teen to be the Honest Police. Love it!
Awww this is quality! I love the fingers growing song- too funny!! I’m living in Korea at the mo and they totally oblivious that the middle finger means something bad…thank god! 🙂
Korea? Fantastic. My twins were born in Thailand. I miss Asia…
Yet another reason why I would not be a good mother. I drop far too many F-bombs to be censored around children. 😉 Congrats on being FP’ed…
Thanks for the FP-love. And I certainly hope there’s no direct correlation between swearing and bad parenting, or my husband’s hooped.
This was a pleasure to read. It is nice to read that some of us are struggling with smaller issues like our kids not cursing. I constantly assess whether or not I am doing a good job as a mom and it can drive me crazy. It helps to keep things in perspective when other parents are handling the same issues.
Thanks for commenting. You’ve reminded me of something important: we are lucky if we just have to deal with smaller issues. Seriously.
Ha! I am not a parent, but the finger dancing cracks me up. And I definitely had my mouth washed out with soap. Probably still deserve it from time to time…
Whenever I watch my kids do the actions for the finger song, I crack up. They’ll never forget Finger 3, that’s for sure.
I have the opposite problem. While I am generally good about not using the BIG swear words, I do tend to drop a lot of the words that we have deemed unacceptable. My 5-year-old is constantly telling me “Mommy, I heard that. We don’t say those words.” I then have to apologize to my 5-year-old. Does this seem backwards to anyone else?
Backwards? I don’t think so. Humorous? Definitely. My daughter constantly informs me when I forget to put on my turning signal and when I’m going a kilometre over the speed limit. Our own police officers.
One, it helps to set a good example. A lot.
Also, in our family, we instituted 5 chore words – words that meant you get to do five extra chores. The list includes all the typical words, but also encompasses words like “gosh”, “darn”, “crap” and “suck” – any word that comes from a bad word or has a terrible conotation. And it helps that the kids can call *us* on them, too. We take a vote as a family when we add words to the list.
Yes, it’s amazing how much kids pick up from us. Evidently, I say “Oh my goodness” all the time, because so does my daughter.
And, a family vote = very democratic!
I love your anecdotes here! Great post – and congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!
Thanks for the FP-love. It was fun!
Totally relate!
My DD also thought the “S” word was for “stupid”
Which was much better than the day she used the “B” word (rhymes with witch) three times to see who would give her the biggest reaction. Dad, Mom or teacher.
Ahh
Hilarious. I wonder if she’s a future scientist or psychologist: she’s repeating her experiment to ensure she gets accurate data!
My best “swearing story” is about my now grown 32 year old (step) daughter. My oldest son, now 17 was about 6 and my youngest son (now 11) was an infant in a car seat. We’re all crammed in the car on the way to the airport to take daughter #2 back to see her mom in Idaho. I’ve been telling my daughter all this time to watch her language in front of her little brother(s). She says “He doesn’t know what it means, he won’t say it.” So my daughter’s boyfriend is playing with the baby, putting the baseball cap on and off his head, as they both laugh. My 6 year old says to the boyfriend “Take that effing hat off his head NOW!” My daughter turned pale white and from that moment on learned to watch her words infront of everyone. (of course we all laugh about it now).
Too funny. I love it when minor crises later become great family stories. Your anecdote is a terrific example of that.
Oh this made me laugh. When my sister was little, she called my Dad a “bastard”. That little girl knew how to swear. The habit has stuck with her since. Great post!
LOL. I think my sister is the only person I’ve ever called a “bastard.” Of course, I’m throwing it around in this post (and this comment) like it’s polite.
My daughter came home from pre-school, devastated, reporting that one of her friends used the “F” word. Alarmed, I told her swearing was NEVER appropriate, and I was disappointed that a friend so young had done that. She agreed, solemnly.
But then I looked at her tiny, round, naive face and decided to press a bit further. “What word did he use” I asked. “Oh no, I couldn’t tell,” she replied. “Yes, this once, you can,” I implored.
She came to my ear, looked both ways, and in a hushed tone repeated, “Fart.” I almost died on the spot! 😉
A great story, fantastically told. Fart: who’d have thought?!
I told my teenager that there were certain words in the house I did not want to hear. I explained I knew he said them with his friends but would prefer to not to hear them from him. In my head I was saying “I am the only one who gets to scream them when I am uncontrolabley angry.”
I think that’s a great rule. Some days I’m all for double standards. As in, “When you carry two babies for 8.5 months, you earn the right to swear.”
My son has always been one to have a broad vocabulary and at times colorful language. I knew full well he had heard the full gamut of dirty words in the English language simply riding in the car with my mother- she’s always been quite the potty mouth especially when she’s road raging, and we all know that little boys talk trash on the playground with their little friends. However, in spite of my relative tolerance for a slip of the tongue, he learned at the age of five that it is not a good idea to call Mommy a certain five letter word that starts with “b” and ends with “h”. He was angry about being put in his room in time out, so he stood at the door frame and screamed at the top of his lungs, “You’re just a big fat B—H!” Needless to say punishment was swift and sure- yes he got a spanking-but worse than the spanking was having to tell his Dad exactly what he called Mommy. It was quite hilarious, however, when my husband asked him where he had learned that word and that it was never appropriate to call a woman that, especially your mother, my son replied, “Well you’ve called Mom that before…” Priceless!
Ouch! I’m amused that “Grandma” also has a role. It reverses the sterotypes.
Ouch! I’m amused that “Grandma” also has a role. It reverses the stereotypes.
Awesome. Love the voice and pace of your writing. And the Thing 1 and Thing 2 dolls are terrific. Definitely signing up for regular updates.
Okay, swearing with our kids (we have four under the age of six, by the way, so a good deal of the choice language comes from yours truly). They are highly proficient swearers. Their delivery is perfect, the intonation is spot-on, highly-advanced stuff. Case in point: driving back from trip to Oregon coast this summer (2300 miles round-trip), the 6-year old suddenly shouts, “MOM, KILL THAT GODDAMN FLY!” I continue to stare straight ahead, acting as though I didn’t hear it, knowing that my wife is glaring at me with the equivalent of the Vulcan Death Grip. They’ve used some choice language in front of the grandparents, too, which is always fun to explain.
I look forward to reading more of the Ironic Mom. And congrats on being Pressed.
Chase McFadden
http://SomeSpeciesEatTheirYoung.com
That was so funny! I can see the Vulcan Death Grip. And I love the title of your blog. Love love love it.
This is now a sad reality of life. I have two kids, seven and five. My wife and I try to watch what we say but kids hear stuff at school and on TV and then repeat what they hear.
Two years ago (when my youngest was three), we were at the gas station and another customer said the “F” word. My son thought it was funny and repeated it all the way home and then proudly told mom the new word he had learned.
http://www.moneyprovidesfreedom.wordpress.com
I am almost 18 years old and I haven’t cussed except once to ask my mom what it meant and she told me that it was a bad word and never to say it. Whenever I seen a teachers face cringe at the sound of a certain word I realized I shouldn’t say it. I think that it’s no ones fault or a mistake if a kid starts to cuss, it’s just that they pick words out of a conversation they aren’t quite familiar with and experiment with it to understand it more. The best you can do is tell them it’s a bad word and hope that they don’t say it again. One teacher once said that a cuss word is a word in the English dictionary that mean one thing and todays youth has torn the word apart and turned it into something bad. Which I believe is true some words are a word that was use in every day talk in old english. Gay meant happy not homosexual, the A word meant a hoofed mammal related to a horse. It’s just been all twisted up, some day the words will be placed back into there normal positions in the dictionary.
Hummm…do you mean I should be alarmed that my boys call each other “idiots” more than their first names? I think it has turned into a form of affection. I have lost all control…God help us.
Thank goodness we haven’t dealt with it yet though the 2 year old sometimes says things that sound like swear words…. until we finally translate it into something other than toddler. It’s a good thing we don’t swear but still we know that daycare (and I’m sure school) is not as controlled. She’ll hear things and I’m sure she will repeat it. She repeats everything we say now albeit sometimes indiscernible. Ahh something to look forward to I guess.
This post really made me laugh. My twin brother and I used to get in trouble all the time for stuff like that. For awhile, we gave the middle finger out of the back of our school bus. The bus driver called my mom, laughing about it. My mom thought it was funny, but asked the bus driver to start seating us at the front. I thought that bus driver was so mean, until I learned it was my mom’s decision… later that year I would moon the same bus driver because my twin asked me to.
Unfortunately exposure of kids is everywhere. At school, on tv and parents as some above comments show. We can’t shield them from exposure to it just do our best to explain that it’s not acceptable.
Reminds me of a joke I heard recently
Billy age 6 & Bobby age 4 were getting out of bed. Billy says to his little brother “I think it’s time for us to start cussing, I’ll say bloody & you say hell” They go into the kitchen for breakfast & their Mum says. “What would you like for breakfast Billy?”. Billy replies confidently “I think I’ll have some bloody cornflakes”. Shocked & horrified his mother wallops him on the backside & he runs crying to his room. Then she says to Bobby “And what would you like for breakfast young man?”. In a rather worried voice little Bobby replies “I don’t know Mummy, but I sure as hell don’t want any bloody cornflakes!!!”
I don’t swear. I’m fourteen, going on fifteen, and it’s more of a personal choice than a religious thing, even though I’m a Christian. Actually, no, I have sworn once — on paper, though, because my friend was driving me mad. Until I was around eleven, ‘sex’ was a swear word to me, because I didn’t know what it meant!
I spent the better part of an afternoon trying to convince my then 4-year-old daughter that I had, in fact, muttered “Bucket!” when trying to stuff her feet into her rain boots before heading out into a downpour.
Amazingly, she (now 13) and her little sis (now 11) have yet to pick up any permanent cursing habits. Unlike their mom.
http://bit.ly/ISwear
The Well-Versed Mom
All of my children and swearing stories have to do with me swearing when I was a child. (I actually had my mouth washed out with soap once — of course that time I wasn’t actually the one who said the bad word.) And one of the beauties of being an adult is that I am now allowed to say all the bad words I want!
Crystal
http://www.crystalspins.com
my oldest is almost 3 and she knows the words we don’t use in this house. she’s heard us slip up a few times and i know she’ll hear more, but i’ve calmly discussed that “we don’t speak like that in our home,” or “we can come up with better words than those.”
it works too…the other day, when some very mean old lady in front of us at the store was swearing at the cashier, my daughter looked up at me and said pretty loudly, “Mommy, we do not speak like that in our house! That lady needs to think of better words!”
err, uh, well… if looks could kill, mean old lady would have murdered me right then and there 😉
I have a terrible mouth, I have really tried to clean it up but I can’t so now my children punish me for bad words.
It actually kinda sucks.
love how you wrote this blog. so amusing. oh but it may not be so amusing to you (sheepish). the worst i’ve heard from my 4-year old so far, is the “s word” (stupid) and loser. we try to explain to her that those words are not nice & if she doesn’t know what they mean, she shouldn’t say them. we are quite careful about what our kids are exposed to. we can’t really protect them from everything, but we can be vigilant and teach them to do the right thing.
http://phoebelucero.wordpress.com/
Relax people… stick and stones make break my bones, words themselves will never hurt you and the artful development of language is nothing short of man defined. Swearing is part of life, the words are only a reflection of the emotions we experience. It is in the coping with the emotion that is key for children. Saying “shit” holds no more meaning than “shelf” when said in the same tone. The mysteriousness of an “adult” word is in our displayed emotion. Don’t get all smurfy! Better to spend your time expanding your childs vocabulary than to waste it scorning them.
http://www.rockstarronan.com
because nothing else matters.
My parents have taught me at a young age that I can listen to certain things, just know that I’m not supposed to repeat it. This doesn’t just work with cuss words, but what I also watch on TV. I remember that when I was little, my sister and I (we’re also Thing 1 and Thing 2 since we’re twins, lol!) were watching the first Rugrats movie. We learned a few gestures from that movie that Mom found out about during an incident soon after. I was talking to Mom about something when my sister decides that she’s going to use a gagging gesture. Upon hearing where we learned it from, she soon banned us from Rugrats for years. To this day, I still won’t watch it for fear that she’ll get onto me about it…and I’m 18 years old!!!
Then…there’s when I first learned about the middle finger. My parents have always taught me that it’s rude to point. So when I decided to point at something one time in the kitchen, I used my middle finger instead of my pointer finger. My mom lightly got onto me because of it because I didn’t know what it was. I was ten at the time, a bit too old to just be learning it but still too young to even be using it.
I’m proud to say that I’ve never had an issue with cussing when I was younger. And, yes, I have just now asked my parents if they had a recollection. They have responded with a negative. They HAVE told me when I was younger that I could only say them when I got old enough. My mom, upon me reaching the age of ten, said I could use the “cr” word. It’s a dirty word, but not a cuss word, others have said. I said it for a while, then stopped in seventh grade for a long while. Every once in a while (whenever I get too mad to do anything else, for instance), I have let out a string of explicatives that would make my great-grandmother (whom I have never met) roll in her grave in pure shock. I’ve been called a nun because of my “pureness”, but the friends who call me that admire me even though they’ve given me the nickname.
Thanks for posting this, by the way. I’m glad some mothers feel the same as I do. (That finger song, though, made me roll in laughter! I’ve never heard of that before!!!!)
-BDR
I have a couple of funny ones that involve my two nieces which I will re-enact for you when I next see you! (Gives you something to look forward to I’m sure!). Love the post!
My son is five. Last night, it was his sister’s turn to help me with the dishes. But, she helped me make tortillas and browned the ground beef while I made an enchilada sauce. So, I asked my son to help for a second night in a row. He whined that all I ever want him to do is work. Then he told me I was a “B.H.T.” The context is right. The spelling? I understood that he was calling me a female dog.
First, stupid mom question, “Where did you hear that?” I just can’t help it. I know that they won’t answer. I know it immediately puts them on the defensive, but it pops out anyway.
So, I told him what the word meant. I told him that people use it to describe a woman who is making sure she is being treated fairly — like not having to work all day, cook a meal for a family and then clean up after herself and everyone else all by herself while everyone else plays and relaxes. I told him I would always assert my right to be treated respectfully and that if he wanted to call me that he better say it under his breath in a tone so quiet I couldn’t hear it. Either that, or he could become my favorite dishes partner.
How many kids do you have????
I’m in college, went to public school my whole life, and was raised not to swear. I still don’t do it; it IS possible, promise. My parents just made it very clear that it wasn’t acceptable. And when my little brother said them, he was grounded and given a ton of extra chores.
My mom also told me when I was little, “swearing is for people too stupid to think of something better to say.”
I didn’t want to be stupid, so I didn’t say them. It worked. *shrug*
Simple.
Some of my kids at an early age asks what a word meant before they decided to use it. Some would just use it. Either way, I did not react.
Nicely and simple I explained that this word or group of words are just not words we use. They are not polite nor do they convey that you are smart. I left it alone from there. When they all got in their early teens and I heard the words come back, I reminded them of my previous conversation with them, adding that if I heard it again, I am going to take privileges they cannot do without. Soap in the mouth at an early age is equal to the car, ipod, bike or any other valuable item being taken for a defined period of time. Stick with it.
Remember, kids watch you first. If you don’t make a habit of using foul language and act appropriately, they will more likely come back to their roots.
Cussing is a mild negative action compared to some things our kids can be capable of showing. There can be several reasons why they will do it. Sometimes it is funny. Other times, the mouth can go too far. If you don’t mind, I would like to point out that in the too far cases, the language can be a path of reflection on something else. For those times, here is something that can shed a little understanding on how we should act and what we can teach our kids to do in such moments as well.
http://westbrookpub.wordpress.com/2008/10/03/healthy-boundaries/
if u ever hear them use a bad word.. make sure they know thats it wrong and rude! just like the way your mom scaried you! its the best way!
love.
summer.
We’re not quite at that stage yet, but our 20-month-old did stumble across the “f” word when trying out some sound combinations a couple months ago. We had to try really really hard not to giggle. Thankfully, it seems to have been a one-time incident.
Kids are gonna curse. Pure and simple. (Fuckin’ kids…)
Its bad but I guess they have to vent to lol http://www.nomam.wordpress.com
Fuck was my friend’s daughters first word.
meh…
Thankfully, my boston terriers don’t make a habit of cursing and flipping us off with their paws. Dogs…not kids. 🙂
I’m a camp counselor, and I admit that I tend to drop swear words time and again (.. ahem) but at camp I am adamant that “crap” is a bad word. If I hear it, I immediately yell, “Language!” and it ends. This has worked the best. When we punished the kids in past summers by taking away activities, it continued to be an issue. When I just say “Language,” the kids know what I’m talking about and are mature enough to know what they said and that they shouldn’t say it again. I think it helps that I’m just 20, so they tend to think of me less as an authority figure and more as a friend and someone they want to be like. Since I don’t swear (.. at camp) they don’t either.
Now.. as for stories from when I was little. When I was five I came home and asked my dad what a “f*cking a**hole” was. When he asked me where I heard it, I told him that someone called me it at school. No idea how he dealt with it as I was just five, but I do remember getting in a lot of trouble for using it years later when I was angry.
Honestly, though. I tend to see them as just words. I curse here and there around my parents, but I don’t do it excessively, and sometimes it’s a nice release after a stressful or frustrating problem/day.
My step-kids are 8 and 5. Thankfully they don’t use the bad words but sadly not due to any amazing parenting on my part since I can swear up a storm. They have even commented on my use of bad language when I have used it in front of them. I apologize and move on.
Now if I could only get my step-son to quit being disrespectful. I really want to smack him when I hear him say ‘Who cares?’ in response to something I say.
The first year my younger brother started school, he proudly came home one day to ask my mother if she wanted to hear a joke. When she agreed, he confidently asked her, “What starts with F and ends with uck?”
While she was standing speechless, he grinned and announced, “FIRE TRUCK!” and ran off happy.
I’ll never forget my mother’s face.
I think we need to pray hard for our kids and try and live our lives as a good example. My son (age 5) learned the middle finger thing at church last week, we explained how we as a Christian family don’t do things like that and that was the end of it. Now if he saw me doing it. . . well then he would get the idea it is okay. Actions speak louder than words.
My now four year old dropped her first f bomb when she was two and a half. She kept trying to pull a teddy bear our of her toy box. She’d been working at it for five minutes and, being the excellent father that I am, was watching her from the couch because she was just too funny.
Suddenly, she slammed the lid shut on the toy box and let out a loud “f**k!”. Perfect volunme and used in the right context. I was horrified and impressed all at once.
Congrats on getting FP’d!
I’m pretty liberal about it – I think my view on what’s acceptable is actually a little farther south than my kids’ view. Generally, I think they’re just words, and it’s all about how you use them. Hearing a kid swearing wouldn’t bother me so much as hearing a kid swearing AT someone, in particular me.
I’ve made it clear that society’s got all kinds of rules in place on this one, and I’m not going to offend them if they go around shooting off their mouths at school and get in trouble. So far, three kids all 12-16, and that’s never been an issue and I can’t remember ever hearing any of them use a swear word on purpose.
They’ve quoted people using swear words, and had the normal amount of fun with swear words which are also normal words like “ass” for instance.
I blogged about it of course: http://futuretom.wordpress.com/2010/07/02/feel-free-to-swear-around-my-children/
Childen learn to sear from their parents and how the parent raises the kid. My parents never said any curse words when I was growing up plus I knew it was wrong
I have to deal with swearing all the time. I’m a teenager so I go to high school. I hear swear words at lunch, some other places and sometimes even in classrooms with teacher’s in them but I think they probably don’t notice it otherwise they would be in trouble. In some books that I read, especially in the HON series, cause the others think that’s how all or most teenagers talk, but I know a lot of people who swear but they don’t swear as much as it is written in the book. I don’t read that series anymore because the writing annoys me (it’s ok if it has a few in it, but almost every page has at least five), the characters annoy me, and the plot use to be good but not as much anymore. Sometimes I accidentally swear and then my little sisters go tell on me, even if it was an accident (only happens when I’m really angry).
I think, in this world we live in, kids are eventually going to hear those words and if they hear them at a young age like 4 years old, then they’ll think it’s ok and start saying it, unless they learn and understand ahead of time that they are bad words and they’re not suppose to say them.
My stepson (whom I don’t usually get a lot of parental power over) has always been around plenty of swearing, but he chose for himself not to curse. Now that he’s in high school he does at times, but he already understands when its not appropriate. I’m just waiting to hear my daughter’s first curse word, but she’s not even two yet.
Great topic and congrats on the Freshly Pressed.
Not for a long time. But my youngest has tried a few words in the past. She doesn’t care for Dawn dish soap quite so much.
Excellent story… and some equally funny replies! My son (10) has been slipping on “bullchips” for a while!
I admit that I did not read all of the comments and I’m sure I missed the ones that brought up the fact that children are human recorders and they are very good at it. You stub your toe once and you’ll hear it for weeks or even months and it always seems to be repeated when you least expect it. When I’m around kids I have trained myself to edit and, I always well almost always think before I talk. Imagine this, your setting at the dinner table with the family during the wonderful Christmas holiday. Everything is going great people laughing and cutting up when out of the blue you hear @$%* that was good and unmistakably it comes from the children table and unless an adult drink to much and sat at the wrong table there must be someone’s little boy or girl saying the wrong thing at the worst time. So we almost be prepared and learn to edit.
My brother, who was around 6 or 7 at the time, has had several different profanities put about him. The cutest one however was when he walked up to mom and asked in a quiet, embarrassed voice, “Mommy, is it okay to say… shit?” Mom simply tried to maintain a straight face and replied with a simple no. He then proceeded, “But grandpa says it all the time.” She came back quickly with a “grandpa says a lot of things he shouldn’t.” Brother never said it since in this household or around others.
I still remember in the second grade when a boy told on me for giving him the finger – I had no idea what he was talking about! My teacher did not want to explain so she just told me to not gesture with that finger anymore.
This post is great! The opening scene was good enough but you have gold here with your kids ongoing experiences. I especially love the music theory sheet. I also had the rhyme game disaster with a four year old. A lot of people can relate to this. You’ve written about it so well. You deserve thousands of readers. Hope you get em, even if they’re potty mouths.
I’m 14 myself and when I was about 12 I was playing a car racing game in the basement. It is split in half by a half wall and my mom was on the other side on the computer. I lost the game and I screamed: “SHIT! SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!”
….bad day for me…
LOL, great post! 🙂
It’s something they all do. Simply explaining that little ones shouldn’t use that word and not overreacting is fine as long as situation doesn’t go on too long. I love the f word when ryhming words. My niece did that and I laughed, a lot. My brother was not so happy with me. 🙂
Congrats on being pressed – couldn’t happen to a funnier lady…
Those are great moments aren’t they? To laugh or ignore, that is the question. I was helping my 5 yo do her homework the other day, and she was looking for a purple crayon. As she rummaged through the box she said, “damage, damage, damage!” We thanked Grandma for that education!
Let me sneak in here as commenter, like, 200! You got traffic! Congrats.
We’ve had a single (luckily out of context) F-bomb, a few ‘frickings’, and a lot of “G.Ds”. We tell ourselves that by using letters instead of words (F this and GD that), our 4 year old won’t pick up on it. We were wrong.
We are also moving into the whispering and spelling of questionable words phase. I learned this from my mother. To this day, she still – for reasons that remain unclear to me – whispers words like “prostate” and “negro”. She also spells out words at random: “Shall we take the girls to the P-A-R-K?” Mom, you can say park.
I so loved reading this! It’s so hard now being a parent. There are bad words in songs that are on the radio and even on t.v. now. The best we can do as parents is teach children what is right and wrong. My ex-husband swears alot and the girls are used to hearing it over there. However I rarely swear and if I slip up (which does happen now and then!) They make sure they let me know they heard it and then call Grandma and Grandpa and tell them! LOL! Which I think is good that they are shocked when I say something….means I don’t do it very often! 🙂
Several comedians in Japan think it is funny to give the finger and swear. Young boys at school hold the comedians up like gods and mimic them. I usually stop class, explain to them that they will not do that during my class, and continue. However, I never give children demands without reasons. I explain to them that it is very rude and I want them to treat each other with respect in my class. It usually stops immediately.
Often adults here will say, “oh… they don’t know what it means.” To which, I respond, “Then why do they make an angry face when they do it?”
I think the most important thing is not to think of this as ‘adult language’, but rather ‘offensive’ or ‘inappropriate’ language. If we think it is OK for adults, then we will use it and children will copy us. Most sentences with profanity in them could be said without them, in fewer words, and carry as much meaning.
hahaha.
“F***!!!”
“…Joseph Bartus! WHAT DID YOU SAY?!”
“…puppy?”
i love my little brother
The joys of parenting. Or more like regulating, or trying to regulate, the information into children’s ears. My parents solution to this problem and other problems that come from outside bad influences was to shelter and home-school me, but not that I recommend that, it made me rebel more, though I think I turned out okay now.
Everything does start at home. As much as possible parents should avoid swearing because we all know kids easily absorb what they hear and see. If they do get it from school, explanations does help.
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Luckily I have had a very good upbringing. I stayed with my parents and my grandparents (when my parents were abroad). Finally I landed in a boarding school. I heard and used all the words which I had never heard till the age of 12. I thought it was a class act to use the words.
When I went to Nigeria during my holidays, I used the work ‘shit’ during one of the conversations. My mother was livid. She gave me a 5 minute lecture. Thats the last time I used the word ‘shit’ in my house, let alone the ‘F’ & ‘B’ words.
I have a pretty foul mouth :). Luckily, I only use it when appropriate, such as among friends, when I have a stubbed toe or when I drop my work laptop on the bus.
My parents often treated my brother and I like mini adults when we were growing up. I received a somewhat watered down, but accurate, answer on how my brother was made when I asked at 2 and we often heard our parents cursing. However, my parents made it known that those are bad words and we shouldn’t use them outside. Needless to say, I went through a period of time where I found it fun to make F-U-C-K my #1 vocabulary word of the day. I would like to think that it was because it was easy to spell, but I had a blast having a sailor mouth at home. My parents put in end to the excess cursing however, with typical parent threats (grounding, extra chores, etc). After that we went back to allowing it for stubbed toes, dropped dishes and so forth :).
I must say though that screaming obscenities at the bullies at school did get them to back off for awhile in shock at the words coming out of the shy girl’s mouth.
Around here, we fill in the profane with nonsense words from literature or video games. Instead of the usual colorful slang you’re more likely to hear:
Puckernuts! / Oh Hairballs! – both from Elfquest – a literal bitter flavored nut with a foul taste and something an animal would hork up.
Feldrocarb! – old Battle Star Galactica term.
Sod it / Sodding Duster! – Dragon Age Origins invented terms
My mother-in-law to be doesn’t even like to hear “crap.” I’ve always been particularly careful around her to be respectful. While playing a video game I missed something and uttered: “Oh Puckernuts.” Needless to say, it opened up an interesting conversation about some elven wolfriders in a fantasy world of two moons…
My son is 17 and, until he reached adolescence, was a total innocent when it comes to swear words. When he’d hear someone say swear words, he’d cover his ears, point accusingly, and shout “Bad word!” Now that he’s a teenager, he’s began to explore the colorful language of adults, sometimes, accidentally letting them slip out in our presence. His solution to parental rebuke? He changed everything to “cuss” after watching The Amazing Mr. Fox. 🙂
Can I just say, Thanks. I don’t have children..yet..but I do have issues with trying not to say naughty words in front of the nieces, so I took a quick look at your blog. It inspired me to make mine look a darn site nicer, and I’m swearing less. So thanks again!
hmm, I’m 15 and I swear a fair bit… have done for for many, many years ^^;
I try to be careful with who I swear around, (but I accidently told my Grandad to eff off because he shoved a dead fly in my face and I didn’t know what it was) but I feel fine around my parents, although sometimes my Dad tuts like an old woman.
I don’t see the ‘f’ word as an especially bad word – it can be expressive in a positive way, like ‘this is effing brilliant’, or ‘i effing love you’, or just really fun like ‘abso-effing-lutely’.
I knew there was a worse word than ‘f’, and when I was maybe 8-9 (or maybe even later than that) I tried to find out what it was… going through the dictionary like a smart chicky was too hard.
So I spouted out letters, “does it begin with f? j? p?”… then we all kinda made up ‘prooker’, and that became our code word (like “they say prooker in that game”)
I learned the worst word, the ‘c’ word, the real prooker, when I was about 11, I think.
I read it on the bathroom wall, went home, dictionaried it up, and then pointed to the word to ask Mum.
I don’t use it, I’ve only used it maybe 3 times, and then felt bad.
It’s just a nasty word, especially to women, and it’s not even fun… you cant say ‘abso-prookering-lutely’… you can’t even say ‘prooker-ing’.
I hate to think about it or read it because I don’t WANT to become used to it, I don’t want it to be a casual, fun word, it’s just icky.
Thank you for this. I don’t have kids but I do write young adult fiction. I’ve been struggling with the concept of how much swearing is too much to put in young adult literature. I blogged about it today.
Thank you so much for a parent’s point of view!
Everything does start at home. As much as possible parents should avoid swearing because we all know kids easily absorb what they hear and see. If they do get it from school, explanations does help.
Such a truly funny and original post! 10/10!
I am a new mother and haven’t has the pleasure of experiencing my son curse yet… But, if he paid attention while he was in the womb, I’m sure he’ll be screaming profanities in no time. =/
Well, I don’t have swearing kids, but I have got a husband who worked in an auto plant for 12 years and now works as a chef in a high-pressure kitchen. Talk about imaginative curses! The best I can hope for is that he uses his “inside voice” when we’re around my nieces and nephew.
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed–your blog is a must-read, and I’m passing it on to my friends.
Haha, that reminds me of the time I was eight and my family and I were at a church softball game. I was on the sidelines and my brother was teasing me so I whip around and yell, “Cut it out, you bastard!” No idea where I’d picked it up, but it just felt… wonderfully appropriate. Needless to say, our pastor was standing right next to me. The next few Sundays, it felt like he was preaching especially to our family.
Teaching patience, politeness and the modern rules of etiquette all come with time- and can be tricky! I just wrote about some similar experiences, and I’ve found that choosing your battles is the key to keeping sane.
At some age, of course, you need to get into the conversation about WHY certain words aren’t appropriate. At younger ages, though, I have found with my son that if I just ignore it when he says “dammit,” he doesn’t get any reinforcement and stops using it after a few tries.
My daughter muttered under her breath this morning, “Bloody hell”. Sitting there trying not to laugh, I had to do the whole stern thing and make her go to her room. And twice now, she has been naughty (and I have been overly frustrated – no excuse I know) and in my temper I’ve said “Just go to your friggin bed!” to which she has replied, “But I don’t wanna go to friggin bed!”… hmm.
My brothers used to be terrible at swearing, but soap in the mouth didn’t really do the trick – so mum used to scrape it over their teeth, which they truly didn’t like 😉
i have to laugh like a mad woman here. im a nanny and at the moment i look after 6 children, 7 soon by january, and the first time i heard the eldest say ‘ah for f*** sake would you ever stop!’ when his brother was bothering him i almost didnt know what to do. i asked him where he heard it and he said something abt a boy in school. he loves school so i told him if i hear him use the word again i will ring his principal and tell him he wont be going to school anymore coz all he learns are bad stuff. i never heard him use the word again.
then one time, H (the girl age 3) said ‘McP!!McP!! quick!! The bloody dog is chewing the helmet into bits!!!’ lol what can i say? she hears that from her parents all the time.
We use a “swear jar.” Twenty-five cents for each offense. It’s chock full, sadly.
The finger song KILLED me! great post
some good ideas there… my aunt uses a swear jar also! it really works!
http://aoifefinan.wordpress.com/ —> please take a look and tell me what you all think 🙂
Holy SHIT, what a FUCK of a lot of comments! Clearly a hot button issue 😉
Quite a few kids in my grade swear a lot. And I wouldn’t say I’m one of them, but I do have my share of swearing. Sometimes it’s fun! And I learned my first swear words in 3rd grade. XD I know this one kid and he has to give us ‘The Daily Bad Word Joke’. I remember this one: “I’m just gonna SHit right here…” […] But no matter what, kids will learn those no-no words…even in a private school. 😀
I love your anecdotes here! Great post!!
Good luck!!
Finger Three: WTF?
Great story! Really enjoyed this post!
when my son was around 3, we were driving and I had to get on the brakes really hard…I hear this little voice go “asshole”, and when I looked in the review mirror I see this tiny little middle finger sticking up over the car seat…I didn’t tell his mom for years….
This is the approach taken in my family…
http://voicesinhishead.com/2012/11/14/swearing/
When my son was younger one of his punishments was to have a favourite toy placed on the fireplace mantel where he could see it to remind him what he had done wrong.
One evening over dinner he asked my wife “why is Daddy allowed to say “Fucking” but I’m not ??”
BUSTED ! ! (Might have been that F-ing Idiot Driver that cut me off).
At any rate, my wife explained to him that Daddy should not be saying that word either and perhaps Daddy should be punished.
My son thought putting my Palm Pilot (PDA) up on the Fireplace for a few days would be appropriate.
“AAAAAHHHHHHHH ! ! ! ! ”
“What about phone numbers and appointments ??”
“This isn’t Fair ! ”
It spent 3 days on the Mantel
I’m 9 years old and I’m in the 3rd grade and I’m allowed to say hell, crap and piss. Damn is borderline, and stupid is too because it’s an insult. I’m never allowed to utter big ones…b bomb, s bomb, f bomb, and of course derogatory words.
Funny anecdotes!
From my dear three year old in the back seat after I honked at another driver: “That stupid asshole is naughty!, Huh Daddy!” Me: (snickering) “Sweetie, that is a naughty word”.
(a moment of thoughtful silence)
Daughter: “That asshole us naughty!, Huh Daddy!”
Had to pull over before I wet myself from laughing.
Honestly though, now my other child, a boy with behavioral issues related to ADHD, will get angry and throw out a cuss word or flip the middle finger. It is a move in the right direction. Last year he would flip tables or hit people. Everyone told him “Use your words”. Now he does.
I’ve explained to him that there are consequences when he speaks like that at school. He knows he won’t get in trouble from me until someone can adequately explain to me why bad words are bad. The rules are arbitrary and capricious with no arguments grounded in reason. They are bad because people are trained to be offended by them, which further reinforces that they are bad. An arbitrary but vicious circle. Why is “I need to go poo-poo” acceptable, but “I need to shit” is not? No good, rational reason. Now slurs, as opposed to swears I get. They are designed to be very personal and attack broad groups of people. They are truly words used as a weapon. The boy has never used slurs, thankfully.
wow i have a 5 year old she swears i tell her to stop but she does not