Last week I received a notification.
I grieved, all stages. First I denied it. Then I bargained. Eventually I accepted it.
There was no way out: I would have to do a fifteen minute craft with children ages three to six. At church.
I ponder. It’s Lent. Shouldn’t these kids be giving up fun activities?
But crafts are not fun.
Thus begins my walk through the desert.
I search the web. I curse.
I google “Lenten crafts for idiots.”
I refine my search to “Easy Lenten crafts for preschoolers.” On a good day, my craft skills are comparable to an average three-year-old, providing her stubby fingers have little experience with scissors. Maybe I can do this.
I search some more; I curse some more.
I spy a paper craft that doesn’t involve scissors, only folding and tearing.
What could possibly go wrong?
I pack purple paper. And stickers. Nothing says Lent like stickers of angels and dolphins.
We arrive before the service starts. Vivian and William are unsure what to do when we aren’t sneaking in the back during the first hymn. We sit.
I get the nod. Activity time. Off we go.
I plod down the hallway, with two of my disciples following.
I arrive at the table and set it.
Vivian and William tend the toys, like shepherds watching their flock.
“I don’t think anyone else is coming today,” I’m told. My eyes widen. “We’ll just wait a few minutes.”
William starts zinging toy cars across the table. I watch them go off the cliff and think of Thelma and Louise.
“Well, it’s just your two kids,” I’m told. “Normally, we like to have two adults in the room, but since they’re your kids I guess I can go.”
I nod and watch her leave.
We begin the activity. My audience is amazed, mostly because their mother is doing a craft.
The sticker assembly line churns into full-scale action.
Vivian starts colour-coding the stickers; William starts plastering them everywhere.
“Not on the table,” I say.
“Mom,” he says, “have you ever had a burping contest?”
Non-Sequitur Boy is in the building.
I crawl under the table and start picking up sticker garbage and wayward pieces.
“Mom,” William asks. “I want another fairy.”
I emerge. I say:
I give him an angel.
He and Vivian hold up their crosses. They look too happy for Lent.
It is finished.
Feel free to comment, commiserate, or condole.
I’m guest posting every Wednesday this month at Sweetspot.ca. If you want to check out my thoughts on today’s bizarre holidays (National Near Miss Day and National Chip and Dip Day), click here.
Also, Clay Morgan is hosting round two of March Movie Madness over at Educlaytion. I’m backing The King’s Speech and I need you to go vote for it so The Firthdom makes it to the Final Four. Come on, all ye Firth fans and wannabes, help me out. Click here.