I’m more pleased than a dog with a T-bone to have Kevin Haggerty guest posting here today. I met Kevin a few months ago. I connected with him immediately because he’s a middle school teacher, a writer, and a basketball coach who “loves” the NCAA women’s game.* Although Kevin writes mostly humor at his blog (The Isle of Man), his post here takes a more reflective tone. If you wish to read his humor, go check out An Idiot’s Guide to the Galaxy; Kevin’s new e-book is available for FREE as of today. You can also follow him on Twitter or at his Facebook page.
~~~
As kids, we all had heroes. We’d fantasize about meeting them and what it would be like to talk to them and hang out with them. But, usually, those were just dreams that largely went unfulfilled.
Not mine.
The year was 1990. The setting: Malibu, California. I was born in Santa Monica and grew up in Los Angeles. Going to the beach was part of our routine. We started going as soon as they allowed us on the sand and into the water. We’d keep coming until they locked the gates.
It just so happened that the beach we frequented, Paradise Cove, was one of the places used to film the then-popular TV drama, Baywatch.
As fate would have it, on that warm, sunny day, we noticed that there was a film crew off in the distance. There were attractive people running around in red bathing suits. There was a huge buzz about the beach.
They were filming Baywatch.
So, we did what any group of kids would do. We tried to get in the shot. Our game of two-hand touch football conveniently began to inch closer and closer to the area of the beach where they were filming. It got so bad that, eventually, a member of the crew had to ask us to please back away.
On somewhat of a sidenote, we taped every episode of Baywatch for the remainder of that season until we finally found the one that featured us playing football in the background. The VHS tape has since eroded, but the fact remains: I totally did a cameo on Baywatch.
After the shoot was done, we aggressively spied to try and see where the big stars would be going next. We were able to find out where David Hasselhoff’s trailer was, and the plans for the day became clear:
Stalk David Hasselhoff until we get to talk to him.
We waited outside “The Hoff’s” trailer for about an hour. When he finally came out, he couldn’t have been nicer. He signed 5×8 photos for each of us, gave us high fives and was genuinely very cool.
In retrospect, that probably doesn’t seem like a big deal; now, we know him as the bloated, sad, drunk who got fired from America’s Got Talent and is famous for eating a cheeseburger in a viral YouTube video.
But that wasn’t how we knew him in 1990. We knew him as the star of the hit TV series, Knight Rider. He might as well have been a god to us. I was ten years old. He was larger than life.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t long after that day that things started to spiral out of control for Hasselhoff. His career took a nosedive and he’s never been the same since.
What if I could be Marty McFly and go back to that infamous day? What if I could alter the course of Hasselhoff’s history and give him a few words of wisdom?
If I could, this is what I’d probably tell him:
- Your career is everything to you now, but you’re putting it above your family and you’ll regret that one day. Cherish your loved ones. Be a father. Be a husband. Fame is fleeting.
- Don’t get caught up in your own legend. All that goes away. In a few years, you’ll be old news and they will be replacing you with guys like David Chokachi.
- Alcohol will ruin you. Some people can handle drinking responsibly. You can’t. It’s the thorn in your side. Find another way to vent and let off steam.
It’s easy to judge someone like Hasselhoff, especially in retrospect. But his story is not that dissimilar to many people we know. It may not even be that dissimilar to our own story.
Sometimes, we lose focus of the things and people that are really important to us. You can work a lifetime to gain riches, and those spoils of war can be gone in the blink of an eye.
If you could have a conversation with “You from 5-10 years ago,”
what would you say?
Have you ever met (or been obsessed with) a celebrity?
*I may have taken some liberties here.
I’m a huge Brittney Griner fan. Huge. 🙂
Hi Kevin! Awesome funny post! Okay, instead of talking to me, I’m going to talk to David Crosby in 1967. I was 1 month old. But for the purposes of this exercise, I am 21.
“Hi David. I know that you have this thing for Joni Mitchell and everything, but the reality is that I have been crushing on you for a really long time. When you sing “Guenivere,” I tremble. Wait, you might not have written that song yet. Let me check. No, you didn’t write it until 1969. And that’s good. Because now I’m sure that when you talk about how Guenivere has “green eyes, like yours, lady, like yours” I am certain you have always been talking about me. She’s just going to hurt you, David. She’s going to fool around with Graham and everyone else. Because she’s a chick with a guitar. But I would have followed you to the Cathedral. I would have kept you off the drugs and out of jail. I would have danced for you, David — the way I have ever since 1982. So dump her and pick me. Pick me, David. I know you are old enough to be my father. But I’ve always liked older men.”
Okay, I think I am actually going to use this as part of a blog post and link back to you, since you inspired this thing. Good stuff. Excited about your book! Read it! Thanks for the kind mention. Will review soon! 😉
Ha. This is fantastic! Looking forward to the review. Thanks. 🙂
I just wrote the post, but I am saving it for June 5 because I am going to see CSN in concert on 6/12. But you are already linked via this post and also your FB page! 😉
I actually am holding off until June 5. Because I am seeing CSN in concert on 6/12. This might be just the thing to get me on stage. Also, I wrote much more and added pictures. BUT I linked to you here and to your FB page. 😉
love that post. off to get Kevin’s book now!
I appreciate it Ellie Ann. I hope you like the book!
Setting: Vienna, Marriott Hotel, (circa 1990’s) Brisk Evening, Streetlamps creating circles of light. Four Americans stand on the sidewalk awaiting a cab to tote them to the famous Ferris Wheel (unaware they would also indulge in a bumper car adventure).
Action: Tall man exits through the revolving doors I’d just tripped through, exits onto the sidewalk with a really good looking chick.
The other female in our group of four whispers in my ear, “That’s Hasselhoff.”
Me: “Hasseldorf?” [In my own defense, it was Vienna. She might have been referencing a local bar, a sausange, an ale.]
Fast forward to conclusion of this story. We approached him. Asked if we could get a picture with him. His never-had-a-bad-hair-day date stepped aside. My friend and I got on either side of him, let him drape his arms on our shoulders and had our picture taken with THE David
HasseldorfHasselhoff. I agree. He was quite gracious.If I could write a letter to myself ten years ago?
Dear Gloria:
Despite the corporate motto that “we work hard and we play harder,” play does not have to involve prodigious amounts of alcohol. You will reach your lifetime maximum in approximately five years. And, life will go on without it. Sincerely,
Your Sane Side (where the sun still shines, you are happier, and, [surprise!], you can interact, be witty, clever, peaceful, and prone to trip simply because you’re clumsy)
I loved David Hasselhoff. It was, alas an unrequited love because he digs blondes and beach bodies. It always makes me sad when my childhood/teenage heroes/objects d’affection fall from their pedestals.
Nice post! And good for you!
I had a similar “relationship” with Pamela Anderson. We eventually agreed to see other people.
Kevin, you totally Hassled the Hoff.
and I liked it
This, right here, just made my day
Ever since the early 1990’s I’ve had a thing for Brad Pitt. So, in 2004, when I was working on our local John Kerry presidential campaign and was asked if we could host Pitt if he came to town to do a speech in Kerry’s favor, of course I said “yes”! (Pitt’s hometown is an hour away from Joplin.) I was so excited to finally get to meet the man I had been obsessing about for over 10 years. Then, naturally, at the last minute he cancelled. I’m still trying to figure out how I can lure him to Joplin for a visit. Maybe if I keep mentioning him in my blog he’ll get the hint? Or perhaps just have a restraining order issued against me. I don’t know, what do you think?
I met him in a small work-out room in the hotel/apt building we lived in Denver. We talked for a pretty long time and he was very cool! The year? 1988,
It prematurely posted.
I think he would have been very respectful and would have listened intently to your advice, but I think he is the sort of person that has to learn the hard way.
I am waiting for The Hoff comeback….
Is there anyone here who HASN’T met Hasselhoff? And here I was thinking my experience was unique! 🙂
I wasn’t on his show! You rock!!
Haha. Yes. For all of 5 seconds. You could totally see 10-year old playing football, super dramatically, in the very distant background. I was a huge celebrity for minutes…in my house. 🙂
Love this guest post! And when HAVEN’T I been obsessed with a celebrity?
I think I would tell my 20-year-old self something pretty simple: “He’s not worth it.”
I would tell myself to start writing sooner. I would be further along.
Fascinating post! I love your advice. I don’t have any obsessions with celebrities, although there are a few I’d like to give a few tips to right now. The mom in me especially wants to counsel these young teenage things thinking that being a sex symbol is the best thing they can do with their lives. Not so much.
As to my 10 years ago self, I might say, “Yes, you can write a book. Try it.” Or I might simply say, “Invest in Amazon.”
What? He got fired from AGT? I’m more out of the loop than I realized, which says a lot. 😉
I’m always amazed by the effect celebs have on people, especially since moving to L.A. We’re all people and more alike than we believe. Fame just magnifies the great, the bad and the ugly. Great post!
Haha. That was forever ago! Howie Mandel too his spot. It will be even weirder this season, because Piers Morgan is gone and Howard Stern is filling his chair. Crazy, right?
Thanks for the kind words, August.
This is totally awesome. Makes me think a bit of Borat and his quest to meet Pam Anderson. Me? I used to follow Ted Raimi (Xena, SeaQuest) around like he was John Lennon or something. I know…weird.
That is some amazing advice you’d give David. I’m sure he wouldn’t listen to it, but I love that you care enough to want to give it to him. Such a shame, though. Too bad about the VHS. That would’ve been great fun to see!
I live in Thousand Oaks and know Paradise Cove well….
The next time we go (likely at the end of the month for my husband’s birthday) I shall squint my eyes and imagine a group of excited young fans playing football on the sand in the background.
And a non-bloated Hoff in the lifeguard stand.
Thanks for the story and the words of wisdom.
Indeed we could all benefit from a little Marty McFly.
(And maybe extra sunscreen.)