I despise gigantic shopping carts, especially when I decide to shop for groceries on a Saturday afternoon. It’d be easier to drive a minivan backwards through downtown Mexico City than maneuver a locked-wheel behemoth adorned with fourteen-day-old lettuce leaves.
Strut by the carts and grab a basket. Then proceed to stuff the basket full of processed crap, balance your purse on your shoulder, and kick your case of Coke up and down the aisles.
I examined the carbs for signs of life: no mold, no hockey-puck firmness, no visible bite marks.
I hoisted up my basket, carried the two bags of buns with my free hand, and kicked the Coke to the checkout and eventually to my car.
When I arrived home, my husband helped me carry in the groceries.
“You did this without a cart?” he asked.
“Kicking a case of Coke improves my soccer skills,” I said.
He unpacked the groceries.
“Wait,” he said, eyeing the 50% off stickers on the buns. “You bought used bread? You make fun of me every week for shopping at the used bread store.”
Used Bread Store was our slang for the discount day-old bread outlet.
“I didn’t buy the buns at a used store, though,” I said. “I bought them at a normal-people store.”
As he tossed the buns into our pantry, one of our kids asked, “You mean the bread we eat is used?”
Yes, yes it is.
Your turn. What are your grocery shopping neuroses or tactics or phobias? What drives you nuts about shopping for food?
Update: Thanks to all those who applied to be part of the Don’t Lick the Minivan Street Team. You all should have received an email from me by now. If you haven’t heard from me, (a) check your spam folder or (b) email me at IronicMom(at)gmail(dot)com.