Last week, just after I finished practicing music with my son, I joked with him about something he found hilarious. I don’t remember what the joke was, but I know it didn’t involve any bodily functions. What I do remember clearly, however, was William’s reaction to my joking.
“Mom, you’re the funniest woman I know.”
“Thanks, Will. That’s nice to hear,” I said as we walked into the living room where his dad and sister were reading. “Your dad thinks I’m the third funniest woman he’s ever met.”
I looked up at my husband to ensure he’d heard my comment. His smirk told me he had.
*
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ve heard the story of how my husband thought he was giving me a compliment when he told me I was the third funniest woman he’d ever met. When I asked about the first two, he told me that his former girlfriend placed first and a friend he once wanted to date placed second. Hello salt, this is wound.
Like the good wife I am, I forgave this interchange and proceeded to refer to it at least once a month. Hello wound, my name is salt.
*
That was one of the more organic examples of a game my husband and I play. We call it Damning with Faint Praise, a British idiom that refers to giving a compliment and insulting someone simultaneously.
My husband is gifted at it.
He once introduced me to an acquaintance of his. “This is my first wife,” he said.
Nice.
But I’m getting better at it. A lifetime sentence in a marriage will do that.
I can now sling a few of my own back. Yes, I can damn-with-faint-praise.
“The colour of your shirt accentuates the gray in your hair.”
“This soup is way better than what you made last night.”
“That’s the nicest second hand gift you’ve ever bought me.”
Not bad for the third funniest woman he’s ever met.
Your turn:
Do you damn-with-faint-praise? Feel free to try in the comments. I make a pretty good target. But you might get one back…
How about this? You are one of the funniest bloggers I know – is that safer to say?
That’s both safe and kind. 🙂
A good wife is almost as good as a cold beer. Speaking of which, can you get me one?
A good wife or a cold beer?
That was an great post, especially for a Canadian.
A great not an. Geesh. I should be grammatically correct when insulting an entire country.
You crack me up. And that’s a good comment given that it comes from the trenches.
Ah, you’re Canadian? Explains a lot…..
Ha. It likely does.
The Serb once accused me of reading for too long at bedtime, calling me an “over-reader.” Say that quickly and you’ll understand why I still haven’t forgiven him…
You could see my lips moving when I read and reread “over-reader.” Too funny!
We jokingly call my nutty aunt “Ex-Wife of the Year.” Of course she has the attention span of a Springer spaniel, so I think the irony is lost upon her.
A Springer spaniel. Ha!
She also looks like one…which is plain scary.
I never knew the British phrase but I think I do this with people, especially clueless students, way more than is probably healthy.
I should charge you for this British education, in case you ever meet Kate B.
When it was mentioned to her by her handlers that she was much-adored by certain Pittsburgh blogger, Kate B. was overheard as asking “Clay who?”
I want to be good at this. It will come in handy at family reunions.
A great use.
Oh, this sounds like my house! Recently my husband has had to start wearing ‘grown-up’ clothes to work, so he earned a, “You don’t look like a slob!” from me.
I love how you phrase it: “grown up clothes”. I have to wear those to work. Sigh.
Oh coolbeans! There is something I can finally use when trying to be mean and nice at the same time. Never expected to learn this from such a motherly person though…
(Eh… I have a feeling I’m going to be horrible at this, just like with sarcasm…)
You never know…
Plus, it’s fun. I also only tease people I really like. Fortunately, I like most people.
Hey, I don’t care what they say . . . you’re a great blogger – for a girl.
Ha! And you spelled every word right this time! 😉
You are way to smart for a blonde.
too
Brilliant!
Turns out, my youngest son is great at the back-handed compliment:
“Mummy, I like snuggling you best. You’re squishy everywhere!”
I love your little Red’s saying. Spoken with adoration .
My husband’s family is great at the “back-handed compliments” as you’ve described above. Sometimes you’re not even sure if they’re being purposefully insulting or if they actually think they’re saying something nice.
But I have to say I love your photo — It’s what I’d call your “Risky Business” meme.
You could tell DH that’s he’s the 2nd funniest husband you know…
“Risky Business meme”: love that. And I can wait to try out your husband line.
I love that you spell using the King’s English.
I thought I was the only one.
Do you suffer from Brit-envy or did I miss something?
Maybe you are from the UK?
That would make sense and make me look ridiculous…
I’m Canadian, which means we like to (think we) take the best of everything. So our spelling is a cross between UK (honour, cheque, theatre) and US (organize, program). So is our political system.
But I do like to adopt as many Britishisms into my vocabulary as possible. Tonight, this one applies: I am utterly knackered.
Honey, you can put salt in my wound any day.
I’m better at IYKWIM. 😉
You are a queen of IYKWIM! Can I rub it in? 😮
My very favorite of these:
My wife walked into the den & asked “What’s on the TV?”
I replied “Dust”.
And that’s how the fight started…..
************************************************************************
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s perfect.’
And that’s how the fight started…..
These are very mean examples of your “damn with faint praise.” 🙂
They are mean, but they’re funny as heck if they’re fictional!
Wow if I said something like that to my wife she would smile at me with her head slightly down eyes slightly shut as if the sun were shining in her face and walk away silently and this frightens me because she’s plotting to do something awful to get revenge witch she calculates so carefully missing no details in fact by the time you read this I would have be just be coming out of a two week coma from some rare poison found only in the deepest caves of the earth
I gave up being sarcastic for Lent, but I’m filing these away for Easter at my in-laws.
Congrats on Day 7. I love how you’re still funny in that reply without being sarcastic. Now that’s humour.
“your blog is good practice if you ever want to become a real writer.”
someone once told me I was in the top three awesome girls he’d ever met….here’s to being in the top three, sister!
Brilliant. And I’ll drink to the top three. Or the top twelve…
Nice to read, as usual 😀
This conversation happened with my dad few years ago:
Me: (staring at the mirror in deep sadness) My nose is really ugly….
Dad: Naaa, it’s not true… it just… it suits your face.
He swore it was intended as a compliment. The sad thing is he really meant it that way!… I still can’t figure out how he managed to conquer my mom’s heart 🙂
Bwahaha. Dads…
Whenever my wife says something silly, I look at her and smile and say: “Oh babe. You’re so pretty,” then touch her face or play with her hair.
This tends to bring a violent response. I’m easily amused.
Go, wife, go!
You are really starting to get the hang of cooking.
Ha. Indeed…
I once fixed my family a dinner of spaghetti with Alfredo sauce. My son–bless his heart–said something like:
“Dad, the spaghetti was real good, but I don’t like the Ranch sauce do much.”
Love that. Ranch sauce. My daughter puts Ranch dressing on cardboard.
Wow, your avatar makes you look young.
LOL. He shoots, he scores!
That guest post you didn’t write for me yet didn’t suck as bad as I thought it would.
Somehow, Ricky knows. He always knows.
But ask him about his TWO sheds sometime.
“When I asked about the first two, he told me that his former girlfriend placed first and a friend he once wanted to date placed second.”
Those are great lines, BUT those would put me on what I call MLB’s “I will never forgive you for … list.” And I can’t say I haven’t put quite a few things on that list, unfortunately. 😉
I once told a friend that he had an innocent face but then many people who have the same turn out to be completely different in real life. I actually meant it to be a compliment and say at the same time that I was surprised that he could make noise in class. After that comment I spent the next five minutes trying to improve what I actually meant but coiled it up some more. But I guess he didn’t mind it much since he had an amused smile on his face after I completely embarrassed myself.