Since I endured a pregnancy, I feel this experience grants me the authority to spout opinions on all women’s pregnancy…much in the same way that everyone who has been to school seems to be an authority on education.
Given my gestational expertise, then, I thought I’d forge ahead and offer some flippant advice to those who may actually do this pregnancy again (or – gasp – for the first time).
I’m pretty sure there are no pregnancy books that advocate lying as a method of coping, but I’ve found that this strategy works well.
If I were to be pregnant again, I would lie about these two areas:
Lie #1: The Due Date (a.k.a. The Fortnight Factor)
Here’s a brilliant trick: whenever someone asks you when your baby is due, add two weeks to your real due date. This nifty little lie will accomplish three things:
- You will avoid the final two weeks of every neighbour, relative, and cashier asking how are you doing, if you’re in labour yet, and if your water has broken.
- Doing basic addition – such as adding two weeks to your due date – may prevent your brain from decaying.
- This lie more accurately measures perceived pregnancy length since even a healthy pregnancy feels like at least 42 weeks.
Lie #2: Baby Names (a.k.a. Ida Know)
The best thing my husband and I did when I was pregnant was to lie about our baby names. We didn’t invent names (though Wenceslas and Gertrude-Marie would have been contenders), but we did tell another fib. Whenever anyone asked what names we were considering, we lied. We either said we had no idea (which also reflected our parenting knowledge) or we said we couldn’t agree on anything (which may have reflected our life as a couple).
The primary benefit to telling no one your baby names is this: people are less likely to offer their opinions on your baby name(s) if the baby is already born. If the baby is in utero, however, they will tell you every hellion they’ve ever know with that name.
So lie. Like a rug. Or on one.
Photo adapted from Tomo4074 (cc) Flickr
*pun (sadly) intended