It is my pleasure to introduce you to guest blogger, Wendy Lawrence. Wendy has been a middle school teacher and principal, a volunteer firefighter, and a bubble demonstrator at a science museum. She blogs at TheFamilyThatReadsTogether.com, freelances, and works on a middle grade novel. She lives with her two young sons and her husband (who should be home any second) in Michigan.
It was one of those afternoons. Okay, who am I kidding…all afternoons are those afternoons. Between the hours of 4:00-ish and whenever-dad-gets-home-ish my children sometimesoften (almost) always turn into monster-versions of themselves. (This is assuming, of course, they aren’t already monstrously violent before 4:00. Like every hour between the ages of 2 and 3. And 3 and 4…)
Anyway, I was in my kitchen trying to cook dinner…this is the part where I spend a lot of money on organic ingredients, spend a lot of energy chopping them up, spend a lot of time preparing them, and then watch as my kids eat two bites and declare themselves done. And the two bites is only if I’m lucky. And then I spend even more time cleaning off their plates and dumping their meals into the garbage can or the leftover bucket, depending on my mood. And whether or not they were already part-leftovers to begin with.
So there I am, chopping away at the masterpiece of the night. My garbage can is already excited…I think about skipping the tedious middle steps and dumping the ingredients straight into it. But I don’t. For now.
My kids are involved in some kind of game that for a good twenty minutes or more I have been trying to ignore. You know, to maintain plausible deniability in case of an injury. Plausible deniability is the number one trait of successful motherhood.
At some point the play gets not only rougher, but also much closer to me, and I am stepping over tumbling children on my way back and forth between the fridge and the sink. The leeks aren’t going to clean and chop themselves and my kids probably shouldn’t be playing full metal rugby with my legs as the goal posts while I have a knife in my hand. (See, I do draw the line somewhere.)
So my deniability flees the room and my intervention begins. The first few attempts are not totally successful. (Shocking I know given that I’ve allowed it to reach full throttle with my brilliant plan of ignoring it.) So I set the bar lower:
And at the time, I mean it. I really don’t want to deal with that. The mess. The paperwork. It would be worse than cleaning leeks no one is going to eat.
Do your kids eat everything you cook?
Are you a fussy eater?
I made my wife a quiche that had leeks in it, but I’m with your kids…no leeks! My 10 year old girl is a great eater! She eats like a teenage boy. She was even eating figs the other night with her mother. They looked pretty disgusting to me and the boys. Boy 4 won’t eat any fruit or vegetable. It’s not even worth trying. He hates…HATES peanut butter, including the peanut butter in a Reeses or peanut butter cup. The 2 year old eats better than the 4 year old, but not as well as his sister. What can ya so though…
I recently discovered the only green vegetable my 5yo will eat willingly is seaweed. I can’t keep enough in my house at this rate! So there’s really no predicting…
My 8yo eats everything – it’s a struggle to keep up with the demand, actually. My 6yo hates everything unless it is a breakfast food. I get upset because who can hate Taco Tuesday? I realize this is my fault. The spoiled little brat has never been forced to eat liver and onions or salt beef and cabbage! My parents knew what they were doing. We would be sooo excited if we were served spaghetti, now all I get are complaints!
Great post – I too try to maintain plausible deniability at all times. These days I make dinner with earphones in, listening to an audio book, because I just don’t want to know…
I am TOTALLY trying the earphones idea. Brilliant. And I sympathize 100% on the Taco Tuesday thing. I mean, when I make hot dogs for dinner, I expect them to be eaten!
Why do mothers always assume that the homicides are Dad’s responsibility?
It’s in the category of “things i don’t really want to deal with so it must be for dad, right?” You know, those things. 😉
Dinner prep time always seems to bring out the nudity in our house.
Oldest son does not like pork or beef so we “buy” a “lot” of “chicken” wieners.
Food is always better when you can only describe it in quotes. 🙂
fantastic! I love “my garbage can is already excited..” hilarious…and I am sure mine gets excited around dinner time too!
Thanks! And I’m glad to know I don’t have the only excitable garbage bin. 🙂
I have actually turned into my mother at times and said the words ‘I might as well just put money straight into the bin’ about meals I’ve cooked that they don’t eat 🙂
Yes, we all turn into our mothers…
When my son was about 7 *too long ago* I came home from a weekend of rabbit shooting (a big pest here in Australia) with enough bunnies to fill the chest freezer. I cooked deep fried rabbit the first night. “Don’t like rabbit.” Second night rabbit and vege pies, “I don’t like rabbit.” Third night, prairie chicken stew. “Gee Dad I love this prairie chicken.” Forever after it was prairie chicken and he loved it.
I was proud of myself, I didn’t do the old go to bed if you’re not going to eat this. However if you don’t want what’s been cooked, there’s fruit in the fridge was the rule of the house. Hunger takes over and they get their nourishment anyway.
Laurie.
Exactly. It’s why I’m persistent. Or stubborn. But I like to think persistent. 🙂
Hi Wendy, persistence always sounds better than stubborn. Persistence has a ring to it, a gentleness and courage to keep going. Stubborn is all about mules. 🙂
Great post! I have uttered those words a time or two. Or a hundred.
I get through most days thinking that someday they will appreciate all the care I took to keep them alive. Sometimes it works. 🙂
Ah, “someday”. What would we do without it?!
I feel like you were telling my story of dinner prep! We all happen to like leeks in our house though 🙂 We’ve been plant-based for about 7 months now and our 9 yr old girl is pretty good. She’s actually the food police these days. “Is this real chicken Mom??” “No love, it’s soy” “Are there eggs in this bread?” :God lord child can you let me worry about this stuff??” lol
I’m glad to think that it might pay off someday!
Love it! I am entirely with you on this one. I myself struggle most nights with a ‘violent’ kid as you put it so nicely. And being only 16 months old I can’t imagine what’s in store in the upcoming years. Thankfully, once he does get served, he’s *usually* a good eater – although aside from leak in soup I can’t say leak would be a hit with him. Great post :)!
Thanks and good luck with the getting older part. 🙂
Loved this!!
I totally want to just throw dinner right into the garbage too and forgo the complaining. They would complain about that too though. I just need to invest in a quality pair of ear muffs.
Hmmm…someone else suggested headphones. Maybe I will get both and wear the ear muffs OVER the headphones?
great post – ok, so earphones and headphones on the amazon.com shopping list
I have nominated you for the versatile bloggers award. Keep up the great posts!
🙂 Thanks! And good luck!
Thank you. Exactly.
Hey Leanne,
This is unrelated but I needed to put it somewhere:
Just wanted you to know I nominated you for The Sweetest Blogger Award since you’re one of my favorite bloggers.
You can check it out here: http://theokayestmom.org/2013/08/06/me-sweet/
Thank you for telling your story so well!
Emily