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A Third Grader's Insight Into Motherhood

What could be better than *scented* nail polish?

I painted my daughter’s nails the other night. In our house, this is known as an “event.”

Picture eight-year-old Vivian with her hands in a kitchen sink filled with cold water, attempting to set the polish so it might last more than twenty minutes.

“Mom,” Vivian said, “I need to throw out my gum.”

The saliva-coated wad glistened between her teeth.

I paused from my current task, scrubbing fluorescent blue nail polish off the table. “And you want me to throw it out for you?”

She nodded.

“Viv,” I said, “collecting other people’s chewed gum is one of the grossest things ever.”

Vivian started re-chewing her gum. “That’s what being a mom is like,” she said.

“What do you mean?” I asked. I held a tissue under her mouth and she spat out her gum.

I continued, “Are you saying being a mom involves collecting kid’s things that are disgusting?”

She wiggled her fingers in the water.

“No,” she said. “Being a mom means making things seem harder than they are.”

Indeed.

What do you make harder than it is?

Filed Under: Hilarious Family Moments Tagged With: funny mom, funny mom blog, humor, parenting

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. hiddinsight says

    October 30, 2012 at 6:58 am

    Laundry. All three phases of it 🙂

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      October 30, 2012 at 3:18 pm

      Yes. I’m lucky. My husband does that chore.

      Reply
  2. susielindau says

    October 30, 2012 at 6:58 am

    Hahaha! Busted!
    Worrying makes everything harder. I think I worry soooooooo much more than I need to and just think of how much time I have spent doing it. My kids are about to turn 23 and 21! No wonder I need to dye my hair…

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      October 30, 2012 at 3:19 pm

      I inherited worrying from my mom and grandma. I can only imagine how much worse it will get when they drive!

      Reply
      • susielindau says

        October 30, 2012 at 9:01 pm

        And then they go to college… It never ends. I am sure that my mom worries about me even now! Hahaha!

        Reply
  3. Elyse Chatterton says

    October 30, 2012 at 7:25 am

    That sums it up quite nicely! Priceless……..

    Reply
  4. Heather (@HomeToHeather) says

    October 30, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Really Leanne, how hard is it?

    Bwahahahahah!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      October 30, 2012 at 3:24 pm

      Not hard at all if they’re in bed… 🙂

      Reply
  5. dirtyrottenparenting says

    October 30, 2012 at 9:32 am

    Apparently I’ve been making getting my kids ready in the morning much harder than it is. Today they wanted to race, so without my countless reminders (yelling and counting to 3) and prodding, they were both in boots and jackets at the door before I even got my makeup on. It was so easy. It will also probably never happen again.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      October 30, 2012 at 3:24 pm

      Love when it’s that easy. You’re wise to be suspect!

      Reply
  6. Rebecca Stanfel says

    October 30, 2012 at 10:19 am

    I’m like Susie. I worry about everything.. But I’m starting to recognize that worrying doesn’t make me a better parent. I’ve been trying to lighten up, and just enjoy my kid.

    –Rebecca

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      October 30, 2012 at 3:25 pm

      Yes, that carpe diem thing is hard to realize as a parent.

      Reply
  7. Misty says

    October 30, 2012 at 10:52 am

    Viv sounds like a very funny girl!

    Reply
  8. text me, love mom says

    October 30, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    wow – reminds me of the day my seventeen-year-old son got into my car after I’d been on a road trip and reaching into a paper bag I had on the seat grabbed a cookie, but had to bug me first about my “collecting baking while driving long distances.” I had to laugh when he disgustingly realized that I was actually done with those old cookies and the one he was chewing on had my chewed up gum on it.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      October 30, 2012 at 3:25 pm

      Oh…now there’s a lesson I’d rather not have.

      Reply
  9. patriciasands says

    October 30, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Haha! Yup – that’s the parenting gig. Now … grandparenting … no problems, no worries, everything is a piece of a cake … hang in there for another twenty years or so, Leanne!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      October 30, 2012 at 3:26 pm

      Please let it be 20 more years!

      Reply
  10. The Hook says

    October 30, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    What do you make harder than it is?
    The marketing aspect of my writing career, hands down!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      October 30, 2012 at 3:26 pm

      Yes, I think I’m about to learn just how tough that is…

      Reply
      • The Hook says

        October 30, 2012 at 3:46 pm

        Fortunately for you, you have an agent to lean on! Not that you weigh much, I mean! I was speaking metaphorically, of course!
        I’m going to stop typing now….

        Reply
  11. Working Mom says

    October 31, 2012 at 10:56 am

    What do I make hard? Finding, supporting and directing each childs gifts and talents. I need to trust that God will show us all the direction to go.

    Reply
  12. Howlin' Mad Heather says

    November 4, 2012 at 11:08 am

    Work. I keep thinking it’s planning an assault on the Death Star when it’s really just working in a library.

    Reply

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