I have my six-year-old twins in this fantastic piano program: it’s interactive, it’s fun, and it’s instructive. Unfortunately it’s also parented, which means once a week I get to sit through the longest hour of my life.
It would be fine if I didn’t have the problem child. Most weeks it’s William, but sometimes Vivian takes a shot at the title. In addition to my kids, there are three other children in this class. I’m pretty sure all of them have the same middle name: Angel.
But just when I think it can’t get worse than the lesson, the next day comes and we have to practice.
This is Vivian’s Practicing Strategy:
- Eagerly plays the piece.
- Melts down when she makes a mistake (which may or may not involve flinging the book across the room).
- Blames me.
- Starts the piece over.
- Repeats until I bang my forehead onto the keys (I’m not exaggerating) or until she plays the piece perfectly.
This is William’s Practicing Strategy:
- Waits till I catch him and fireman-carry him into the library.
- Races out of library. Returns with toy-of-the-day, such as a large car. Places toy on keyboard. Drives toy over keys. Freaks out when I take toy away.
- Plays keys with forehead. Looks up long enough to see my death stare.
- Does what he’s supposed to: C scale with modified chords.
- Whinges when I tell him to practice the scale down too. Presses the sound effect key on keyboard and plays vomit key, machine gun key, and rooster key. Freaks out when I turn sound effect key off. Turns sound effect key on again. Gives me the I-hate-you look when I threaten to take before-bed-TV-time (worst parenting routine ever) away.
- Does what he’s supposed to: Plays first song.
- Starts telling me about the latest episode of Sponge Bob Square Pants. Watches my puppet show about Bass Clef Puppet (who whines because he doesn’t have much to do in the next song) and Treble Clef Puppet (who whines about having too much to do). Note: this is not part of the program, but the action of a desperate mother.
- Does what he’s supposed to: Plays second song.
- Goes back to sound effect key. Ignores me as I walk out of room.
- Does what he’s supposed to: Plays third song.
And do you want to know what’s really crazy?
I’m going to do it again next year.