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The Worst Toys of 2012: The Skankification Award

Welcome to my third-annual list of the Worst Toys of the Year.

Why create a list of toys that suck?

  • Because shopping makes me want to bang my empty-cart-that-can’t-steer into other people’s full carts
  • Because cheap, loud toys make me want to hammer-throw them off my back deck
  • Because writing something funny is more therapeutic (and less likely to get me arrested) than either of the above

So, let’s get it started, shall we?

The Skankification Award is given to the doll that most resembles a prostitute. Previous winners include Arizona of the Moxie Teenz dolls (2011) and Monster High dolls (2010).

The 2012 Skankification Award goes to Ari Roma of the Novi Stars alien doll collection.

Here she is in all her skanky, alien splendour:

Five reasons why Ari Roma should get a one-way trip to the landfill:

  1. I have underwear longer than Ari Roma’s skirt. I mean, it looks like Lindsay Lohan and Lady Gaga met the girl from the movie Brave and took her on a bender.
  2. Ari Roma is scented. I think it’s smell 456: eau-de-fake-strawberry-bubblegum. Do our children really need more noxious smells around them?
  3. Ari Roma’s mission, as stated on the back of the package, is “To Kiss an Earth Boy.”
  4. In her first person bio, it says, “I’m an airhead. Literally.” I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be ironic or some sort of alien-world pun, but way to push those stereotypes aside, Novi Stars.
  5. Many reviewers on retail sites claim that Ari Roma’s arms and head pop off easily. Her arms are especially hard to reattach. Hey, everyone, what do you call a skanky doll with no head and no arms? Land-Filomena.

Coming up on Tuesday, the second in the series of The Worst Toys of 2012: The Dial 9-1-1 Award.

~

What do you think of Ari Roma?
Any other toys worthy of the Skankification Award?

~

Similar Posts:

  • A Twisted Guide to the Worst Toys of 2011
  • Top 5 “Best of 2010” Toys That Really Suck

Filed Under: Worst Toy List Tagged With: Christmas toys, funny mom, humor, toy review, worst toy list, Worst toys

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Our Life In 3D says

    November 19, 2012 at 6:53 am

    Surely somebody from my high school class came up with that one

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 19, 2012 at 10:46 pm

      Ha. I’d love to heard that pitch session.

      Reply
  2. renée a. schuls-jacobson says

    November 19, 2012 at 6:54 am

    So glad I have a 13 yo boy who just wants to play Minecraft all day. That said, I like her tights. I would wear them. Just sayin’.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 19, 2012 at 10:46 pm

      I know you would. But you’re not an airhead.

      Reply
  3. susielindau says

    November 19, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Are Bratz still being sold? They were the sleazy toy of my daughter’s generation. I just looked them up and they still look like hookers!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 19, 2012 at 10:46 pm

      I think they started the smutty doll craze.

      Reply
      • susielindau says

        November 19, 2012 at 11:54 pm

        They must have. I never liked the concept or the looks of them. I couldn’t understand why they were marketed to such a little girl… 🙁

        Reply
  4. VeronicaThePajamaThief says

    November 19, 2012 at 8:25 am

    I used to date a girl like that! J/K… J/K.

    Just when I think I’ve seen it all…. what sick, twisted mind.. *shudders*

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 19, 2012 at 10:47 pm

      I know. What’s it going to be like in 10 years?

      Reply
  5. The Byronic Man says

    November 19, 2012 at 10:56 am

    It’s SCENTED??? That sounds like a nightmare of a toy. The sexism and objectification is bad enough, but almost seems like just par for the horrible course, but for some reason the scented component drives it home. “Teach your daughter to hate herself while blasting air freshener up her nostrils!”

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 19, 2012 at 10:47 pm

      Scented things are evil. That is all.

      Reply
  6. Tori Nelson says

    November 19, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    And I’m so glad to have a boy. He thinks it’s funny to poop in the bath but he’s mostly entertained with a stick and some mud.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 19, 2012 at 10:47 pm

      You can never go wrong with a stick. Unless it winds up in an eye…

      Reply
  7. midnitechef says

    November 19, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    At least she’s not battery powered. This is just another ploy by men to brainwash the next generation into thinking sexy is cool and they should be toys of grown boys one day. My girl is getting Buzz Lightyear for Christmas 🙂

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 19, 2012 at 10:48 pm

      Well said. And go, Buzz!

      Reply
  8. skippingstones says

    November 19, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    So you’re saying that if I just so happen to have this exact same outfit hanging in my closet – and I’m not admitting I do – then that’s a bad thing?

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 19, 2012 at 10:48 pm

      Got lots of M-bling in that closet, I bet.

      Reply
  9. ticklestotantrums says

    November 19, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    Ok, so Lego comes out with pink and purple Legos and there is an uproar but every year the dolls just get skankier and more stereotypically dumb and that is ok…
    Yeah, that makes sense.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 19, 2012 at 10:48 pm

      Very good point.

      Reply
  10. earthriderjudyberman says

    November 19, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    Just tonight, there was a story about the sexification of our young pre-teen girls. Young girls younger are made to look sexy and think they have to be sexy. Very sad. I’m so grateful that my daughter is raising her daughter to base her self-esteem on her talents and smarts rather than on her “parts.”

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 19, 2012 at 10:49 pm

      It drives me nuts. I don’t rant about a lot, but that’s a topic I will. Glad to hear your daughter is raising a strong woman.

      Reply
  11. Peisinoe says

    November 19, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    This bothers me on so many levels. I also am thankful I’m homeschooling because my daughter doesn’t learn other kids have them and then want one herself. As it is, I had to tell her there will be no Winx (http://www.winxclub.com/en) in our house because “They don’t dress appropriately for eight-year-olds.”

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 19, 2012 at 10:50 pm

      True enough. Doing this annual list has helped me have some of those conversations about why these are bad toys…

      Reply
  12. cooper says

    November 19, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    ahhh…good role models for the youngsters. The landfill is an insult to the land – blowtorch it first.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 19, 2012 at 10:51 pm

      Ha. I’ll save it for International WOmen’s Day and destroy it.

      Reply
      • cooper says

        November 20, 2012 at 7:15 pm

        bra-vo

        Reply
  13. Victoria says

    November 19, 2012 at 10:57 pm

    I’m with Cooper! 3 and 4 are especially troubling. I don’t care if she comes with a pole for dancing if her aspirations are to be president and she is going to Yale to get there.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 19, 2012 at 11:04 pm

      So true. One parent reviewer said she bought these dolls for her daughter because they were dressed more conservatively than the Monster High dolls. Um, really?

      Reply
      • Victoria says

        November 19, 2012 at 11:08 pm

        The skirts on those dolls are so high because they don’t actually have genitals or an ass to cover!

        Reply
  14. Feisty Broad says

    November 20, 2012 at 3:25 am

    See, I always thought Strawberry Shortcake was slightly evil because of her smell. I knew I was on to something!

    Reply
  15. Paige Kellerman says

    November 20, 2012 at 7:38 am

    Ugh, that thing is awful. I don’t get the Monster High dolls either. We’ll be sticking to baby dolls this year …and a mini drum set, Lord help us.

    Reply
  16. thoughtsappear says

    November 20, 2012 at 10:42 am

    I’ve never heard of her. You said she’s scented…she’s not scratch and sniff is she?

    Reply
  17. Michelle says

    November 20, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    Fantabulous! I read that with my 3 1/2 year old daughter next to me. Of course, she immediately touched the screen and said “I want that!!” Great.

    Reply
  18. Julie Glover says

    November 24, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    And another reason I’m happy to have boys…

    What are manufacturers thinking?!!!

    Reply
  19. Helena says

    February 12, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    I like those series and this doll, but I have to admit, they’re honestly sexualized, and they can be a bit annoying since some of the subjects are pimples and all that stuff (Reference to one episode called Beauty Crisis). Also in that episode they acted like real-life girls e.e
    And what bugged me the most is that they had no parents around o_e

    Reply

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