Welcome to my third-annual list of the Worst Toys of the Year.
Why create a list of toys that suck?
- Because shopping makes me want to bang my empty-cart-that-can’t-steer into other people’s full carts
- Because cheap, loud toys make me want to hammer-throw them off my back deck
- Because writing something funny is more therapeutic (and less likely to get me arrested) than either of the above
So, let’s get it started, shall we?
The 2012 Skankification Award goes to Ari Roma of the Novi Stars alien doll collection.
Here she is in all her skanky, alien splendour:
Five reasons why Ari Roma should get a one-way trip to the landfill:
- I have underwear longer than Ari Roma’s skirt. I mean, it looks like Lindsay Lohan and Lady Gaga met the girl from the movie Brave and took her on a bender.
- Ari Roma is scented. I think it’s smell 456: eau-de-fake-strawberry-bubblegum. Do our children really need more noxious smells around them?
- Ari Roma’s mission, as stated on the back of the package, is “To Kiss an Earth Boy.”
- In her first person bio, it says, “I’m an airhead. Literally.” I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be ironic or some sort of alien-world pun, but way to push those stereotypes aside, Novi Stars.
- Many reviewers on retail sites claim that Ari Roma’s arms and head pop off easily. Her arms are especially hard to reattach. Hey, everyone, what do you call a skanky doll with no head and no arms? Land-Filomena.
Coming up on Tuesday, the second in the series of The Worst Toys of 2012: The Dial 9-1-1 Award.
What do you think of Ari Roma?
Any other toys worthy of the Skankification Award?