Welcome to my third-annual list of the Worst Toys of the Year.
Why create a list of toys that suck?
- Because shopping makes me want to bang my empty-cart-that-can’t-steer into other people’s full carts
- Because cheap, loud toys make me want to hammer-throw them off my back deck
- Because writing something funny is more therapeutic (and less likely to get me arrested) than either of the above
So, let’s get it started, shall we?
The Skankification Award is given to the doll that most resembles a prostitute. Previous winners include Arizona of the Moxie Teenz dolls (2011) and Monster High dolls (2010).
The 2012 Skankification Award goes to Ari Roma of the Novi Stars alien doll collection.
Here she is in all her skanky, alien splendour:
Five reasons why Ari Roma should get a one-way trip to the landfill:
- I have underwear longer than Ari Roma’s skirt. I mean, it looks like Lindsay Lohan and Lady Gaga met the girl from the movie Brave and took her on a bender.
- Ari Roma is scented. I think it’s smell 456: eau-de-fake-strawberry-bubblegum. Do our children really need more noxious smells around them?
- Ari Roma’s mission, as stated on the back of the package, is “To Kiss an Earth Boy.”
- In her first person bio, it says, “I’m an airhead. Literally.” I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be ironic or some sort of alien-world pun, but way to push those stereotypes aside, Novi Stars.
- Many reviewers on retail sites claim that Ari Roma’s arms and head pop off easily. Her arms are especially hard to reattach. Hey, everyone, what do you call a skanky doll with no head and no arms? Land-Filomena.
Coming up on Tuesday, the second in the series of The Worst Toys of 2012: The Dial 9-1-1 Award.
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What do you think of Ari Roma?
Any other toys worthy of the Skankification Award?
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Surely somebody from my high school class came up with that one
Ha. I’d love to heard that pitch session.
So glad I have a 13 yo boy who just wants to play Minecraft all day. That said, I like her tights. I would wear them. Just sayin’.
I know you would. But you’re not an airhead.
Are Bratz still being sold? They were the sleazy toy of my daughter’s generation. I just looked them up and they still look like hookers!
I think they started the smutty doll craze.
They must have. I never liked the concept or the looks of them. I couldn’t understand why they were marketed to such a little girl… 🙁
I used to date a girl like that! J/K… J/K.
Just when I think I’ve seen it all…. what sick, twisted mind.. *shudders*
I know. What’s it going to be like in 10 years?
It’s SCENTED??? That sounds like a nightmare of a toy. The sexism and objectification is bad enough, but almost seems like just par for the horrible course, but for some reason the scented component drives it home. “Teach your daughter to hate herself while blasting air freshener up her nostrils!”
Scented things are evil. That is all.
And I’m so glad to have a boy. He thinks it’s funny to poop in the bath but he’s mostly entertained with a stick and some mud.
You can never go wrong with a stick. Unless it winds up in an eye…
At least she’s not battery powered. This is just another ploy by men to brainwash the next generation into thinking sexy is cool and they should be toys of grown boys one day. My girl is getting Buzz Lightyear for Christmas 🙂
Well said. And go, Buzz!
So you’re saying that if I just so happen to have this exact same outfit hanging in my closet – and I’m not admitting I do – then that’s a bad thing?
Got lots of M-bling in that closet, I bet.
Ok, so Lego comes out with pink and purple Legos and there is an uproar but every year the dolls just get skankier and more stereotypically dumb and that is ok…
Yeah, that makes sense.
Very good point.
Just tonight, there was a story about the sexification of our young pre-teen girls. Young girls younger are made to look sexy and think they have to be sexy. Very sad. I’m so grateful that my daughter is raising her daughter to base her self-esteem on her talents and smarts rather than on her “parts.”
It drives me nuts. I don’t rant about a lot, but that’s a topic I will. Glad to hear your daughter is raising a strong woman.
This bothers me on so many levels. I also am thankful I’m homeschooling because my daughter doesn’t learn other kids have them and then want one herself. As it is, I had to tell her there will be no Winx (http://www.winxclub.com/en) in our house because “They don’t dress appropriately for eight-year-olds.”
True enough. Doing this annual list has helped me have some of those conversations about why these are bad toys…
ahhh…good role models for the youngsters. The landfill is an insult to the land – blowtorch it first.
Ha. I’ll save it for International WOmen’s Day and destroy it.
bra-vo
I’m with Cooper! 3 and 4 are especially troubling. I don’t care if she comes with a pole for dancing if her aspirations are to be president and she is going to Yale to get there.
So true. One parent reviewer said she bought these dolls for her daughter because they were dressed more conservatively than the Monster High dolls. Um, really?
The skirts on those dolls are so high because they don’t actually have genitals or an ass to cover!
See, I always thought Strawberry Shortcake was slightly evil because of her smell. I knew I was on to something!
Ugh, that thing is awful. I don’t get the Monster High dolls either. We’ll be sticking to baby dolls this year …and a mini drum set, Lord help us.
I’ve never heard of her. You said she’s scented…she’s not scratch and sniff is she?
Fantabulous! I read that with my 3 1/2 year old daughter next to me. Of course, she immediately touched the screen and said “I want that!!” Great.
And another reason I’m happy to have boys…
What are manufacturers thinking?!!!
I like those series and this doll, but I have to admit, they’re honestly sexualized, and they can be a bit annoying since some of the subjects are pimples and all that stuff (Reference to one episode called Beauty Crisis). Also in that episode they acted like real-life girls e.e
And what bugged me the most is that they had no parents around o_e