Welcome to my fourth-annual list of the Worst Toys of the Year.
Why create a list of toys that suck?
- Because shopping makes me want to bang my empty-cart-that-can’t-steer into other people’s full carts
- Because cheap, loud toys make me want to hammer-throw them off my back deck
- Because writing something funny is more therapeutic (and less likely to get me arrested) than either of the above
So, let’s get it started, shall we?
The Skankification Award is given to the doll that most resembles a prostitute. Previous winners include Ari Roma of the Novi Stars alien doll collection (2012), Arizona of the Moxie Teenz dolls (2011), and Monster High dolls (2010).
The 2013 Skankification Award goes to Pinkie Pie of the My Little Pony’s Equestria Dolls collection.
Here she is in all her skanky, horse-y splendour:
Three reasons why Pinkie Pie should get a one-way trip to the landfill:
- Is she a doll or a horse? I mean, check out those ears. I’d say she has questionable DNA, at best.
- Evidently, the original, innocent My Little Pony was just too 20th century. Nothing a short skirt and bad-a$$ boots won’t fix.
- She’s for ages five and up. Five? I have underwear older than five years old.
What do you think of Pinkie Pie’s reincarnation as a tramp?