I’ve been sick this week, not from eating dog, though that would be a nice example of cause-and-effect. Suffice it to say that my brain has been one gig short of a gigabyte.
Still, I decided to do some grading. My Grade 8 students are near the end of a humour unit. Their penultimate assignment was to write a either a rant (loosely modeled on Knox McCoy’s Things That Piss Me Off: Abusers of the Migraine Label) or a Top 10-ish list (loosely based on Clay Morgan’s 16 Reasons To Love or Leave Canada).
Two nights ago, I was reading some of the titles of the top ten assignments to my husband. The ones I listed off included the following:
- Top 8 Things Overheard in a Boys’ Bathroom
- 10 Sports That Shouldn’t Be Sports
- Top 4 Things I Should Never Do Again
- Top 5 Things You Should Never Do Before a Class Picture
- Top 8 Scenarios the Athletic Butt Slap Is Not Appropriate
- Top 7 Reasons We Should Get Rid of Country Music
I was doing a nice laugh/cough combo. Imagine a tubercular audience member wheezing her way through a Russell Peters set; now imagine something not-so-extreme.
“Listen to this one,” I said.
My husband looked up from his book on the Gulag.
“These kids are hilarious,” I added as I swallowed a piece of phlegm the size of a brick.
He put his book down and wandered over.
“Top Eight Reasons Not To Eat a Dog,” I read.
He grabbed the paper from me.
“That’s not what it says,” he countered.
“No. It says Top Eight Reasons Not To Get a Dog.”
He dropped the paper onto the table and wandered back to the living room with his book.
“Oh,” I coughed. “But dog would taste pretty good if you were in a death camp, wouldn’t it?”
I heard only a sigh. Then I went back to my own
I invite you to embrace my misreading:
what are some reasons why we should not eat dog?
Or, for those not wanting to write fiction, what’s the weirdest thing you’ve eaten?