Gung Hay Fat Choy!
It’s the Year of the Dragon according to the Chinese calendar. You likely already know a few dragons, and I’m not referring to your in-laws, either.
People who were born in 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, and 2000 are dragons.
Babies born in 2012 will also be dragons. I’m sure their mothers will agree that they’ve created a fire-breathing menace at some point during delivery. Or maybe the moms will want to slay their husband’s dragon so they don’t end up in labor again.
Although my twins are monkeys and I’m a pig (insert your own joke), I thought in honor of Chinese New Year, I’d give the Dragon its due, Ironic Mom style. Below, then, are 5 Characteristics of Dragons, adapted.
People born in the Year of the Dragon are purportedly …
… flexible. There is an excellent chance that they will have a successful career with Cirque du Soleil, unless they’re dropped on their head as a baby or during a show.
… brave. During childhood, they may do things like carve their names into their parents’ minvan. With rocks.
… tactless. As husbands, they will say things like, “You’re the third funniest woman I’ve ever met.” (Incidentally, my husband was born in the Year of the Hoarder. Less incidentally, my husband did say that. He thought it was a compliment).
… enterprising. As a mom, a dragon-woman will be able to use flat-irons for various tasks, some involving her hair.
… passionate. For crying out loud, this is a family blog, people. I’m not even going to suggest combining passionate with the other four characteristics above.
Assuming you’re interested in double entendres, please head over to the writing blog I co-author, Wordbitches, where I’ve collected the 25 Most Hilarious Pick-Up Lines for Writers. Much laughter awaits, I promise.
Meanwhile, in the comment section below, tell me what your Chinese Zodiac sign is and what characteristics you supposedly possess. If you need to know your what your symbol and characteristics are, I suggest stealing a placemat from a Chinese restaurant. If there’s not one nearby, please consult the results compiled by my overworked research assistant, Mr. Wikipedia.