Do you know what’s not fun? Driving thirteen hours across the Canadian prairies in one day. You know what makes it more fun? Cruising in a 2017 Lincoln MKX. This full-size SUV even makes hitting kamikaze grasshoppers, moths, and dragonflies—the only living things we often saw for kilometres—kind of fun. (If there’s a PETA for […]
Funny Reviews
On being Canadian: wearing toques in summer
I’m feeling very Canadian. Our national band, The Tragically Hip, gave their last concert in Kingston because their frontman Gord Downie—who’s been called Canada’s Shakespeare and poet laureate—has incurable brain cancer. On Saturday, CBC carried the concert live, and a nation shut down to watch, to celebrate, and to say goodbye. I’m feeling very Canadian. […]
Oh, the Places I Grow Grass: Before and After
I’m a sucker for before-and-after shots—and not just because most mornings I feel like a “before” model in the back pages of one of those magazines whose mission is to make you feel worse. I like knowing that change is possible, that I too could change my skin, my weight, my clothes, my kitchen, my […]
The Weird Places I Can Grow Grass
I’d like to put out an APB for my lawn. It’s sometimes difficult to spot amid hardened patches of nutrient-depleted soil. Don’t believe me? Look: And because we have winters that last 14 months a year, the salt on our vehicles falls onto our driveway. When we shovel our driveway, the salt goes onto our […]
Suburban Woman vs. Weeds
When the Liberal government announced that they were going to legalize weed, I thought that meant growing thistles and dandelions was going to be the “in thing.” You know, kind of how Prime Minister Trudeau has made doing yoga poses on board tables cool. Except the only yoga pose I’ve ever perfected is corpse pose. […]
Funny Review Time: Jord Wood Watch
I like wooden things: tables, desks, trees. Sometimes even toothpicks if I have corn-on-the-cob stuck in my teeth. (Clarification: The kernels, not the cob, though I suppose I might need a toothpick—or a pickaxe—if I got an entire cob stuck between my teeth.) And now I also like wooden watches. Who knew? Not I, until […]