Yesterday morning, on the endless five minute drive to my twins’ school, the kids took delight in using the word “stupid.” As soon as I told them it’s not a nice word, they started singing it, elongating the vowels and punctuating those with staccato bursts of laughter. Then last night, when I titled this blog, I began to see that the proverbial apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. To quote Forrest Gump, stupid is as stupid does.
Here, then, are this week’s Top 5 Stupid Comments Often Made to Parents of Twins:
Stupid Comment 1: “Are they natural?”
The public seems to have a burning desire to know if twins were conceived by fertility treatments or naturally. Like it’s important to know which race you’ve run to achieve that medal around your neck (which admittedly often feels like a noose). The best answer I’ve heard to this question is, “Well, they breathe air and have opposable thumbs, so I guess that makes them natural.”
Stupid Comment 2: “Are they identical?”
Nucking Futs Mama had an entertaining rant on this topic earlier this week. When you have boy/girl twins, the “identical” question makes all of us wish biology was a high school requirement. Most of our answers resemble the following: “Well, my son has a penis and my daughter has a vagina, so I’m positive they’re not identical.” Yup, we know, they look amazingly alike: almost identical, right? So do the Backyardigans when you’ve only seen them once.
Stupid Comment 3: “I bet you’re happy you had one of each.”
I’m just happy they’re both alive. In fact, I’m happy that we’ve all managed to survive so far, relatively intact.
Stupid Comment 4: “She’s such a girl” or “He’s such a boy.”
It may be the feminist in me, but nothing causes me to become irate more than this. Nothing like limiting people by categorizing my children into stereotypes. I am quite certain I could swap the characteristics of my twins and people would still tell my daughter, “She’s such a girl.”
Stupid Comment 5: How did you breastfeed them?
My no-sleep answer: with my breasts.
My some-sleep answer: like footballs.
Feel free to share comments, stupid or not, below.
Biology is not a high school requirement?
Wow. People never fail to amaze me. Sometimes, that’s not a good thing.
I love your no-sleep answer to #5.
Bio: I think Bio’s a requirement in Gr 9 and 10 as part of a bigger science curriculum (at least in my corner of Canada); but I believe it’s optional in Gr 11 and 12 – you just have to have one science. Yup, you’re right: people are amazing…
We always got, “our kids are 11 months apart, that’s like having twins” from other parents. Our response was always, “Not even close.”
Still…I can’t think raising kids that close is easy either. I wonder if we all think other people’s “predicaments” are harder than our own (or if that’s just wishful thinking!)
I hear ya! I’ve had some singleton moms tell me that they went through the same thing as me because their kids are 18 months apart. Nada.
Stupid comment #4 isn’t just for twins. I get that all the time for my kids.
Stupidity seems to be everywhere.
Good point. Gender stereotyping is everywhere. Don’t even get me started on trying to buy kids’ birthday cards that are free from gender stereotypes.
As the mom of 4 yr old twin boys I can totally relate.
Our twins look very very different from one another. One looks latin and one look white. There is a good 2 inches in height difference. One has blonde hair and one has brown…. but still, still… wait staff, cahsiers and perfect strangers will ask ‘How do you tell them apart?’.
I always say ‘Are you looking at them?’.
I love your reply. I am going to steal that!
Good one. Adoptive parents get the “natural” question a lot as well. I’ve been curious lately about how parents of twins feel and what they experience out in public. I’ve been in my adoptive parent bubble and recently realized I am not alone. There are lost of people out there who experience “stupidity” fairly regularly.
People! Think before speaking!
Good point. It’s almost like since everyone has been a child, they’re an expert on them. Well, I’ve driven a car but know nothing about taking care of them. Wait. I think my analogy completely broke down…
No idea why my gravatar / photo does not work on some sites – if anyone can help me, please do!
You mean you’re not a square-head? 🙂
And another. People routinely tell me I could have breastfed. One person told me about a MAN that breastfed!
All I can do is bow down to parents of twins. I stand in awe of how you even survived the first year…
Well, the universe saw fit to give me two good sleepers; what really amazes me is how people with babes who don’t sleep through the night survive.
My nephews are identical twins. My SIL was once asked which one was the evil twin. She thought the person was joking. Nope.
They also get asked if they are “natural” which betrays a basic lack of understanding simple biology.
The evil twin? I have never been asked that. Will start preparing snarky answer now so when an idiot asks me that I can be ready. Option A: “I didn’t know you were a twin too – how is your nice twin?” Option B: “Evidently it takes one to know one.” Option C:??
Those are some pretty stupid questions and some good answers~
Yes, I’m pretty sure evolution doesn’t week out stupidity that quickly (with the exception of the Darwin Awards)
I get #2 more often that I’d like to admit, as it only shows just how lacking our education system is. My usual answer is “Yes, but Katie’s penis just plain fell off! Imagine that!”
The looks of horror, then the “omigod I am an idiot” lightbulb goes off, and the profuse apologies soon follow. Its great fun!
I am going to steal that answer, too; it must be worth it for the look on his/her face!
I have, on more than one occasion, gotten some variation on “which is the good one?”
Seriously? Do you just walk up to people with two children and ask, in front of the kids, which one is their favorite?
That’s actually a really good point: people wouldn’t ask that about siblings. Thanks for stopping by!
Oh lord…the questions….as a pasty white mama walking around with boy/girl twins who just turned 2.5, I feel like a walking circus. Someone we know was recently left alone with them for a minute at the mall while I went to potty. She got the questions while I was gone for the 2-3 minutes to go and come back. When I returned she said to me of the stupid questions “How do you do it…” I laughed as she told me the 3 stupid twin questions and the two stupid adoption questions she got in less than 3 minutes 🙂 And I have been known to answer to the identical question “did you miss that day in biology class” when the person has got on my last nerve!
So, you actually go out with two-year-old twins? I think I must have too, but I blocked that out!
People everywhere say stupid things to parents, in general. I have a singleton and want to smack strangers daily. Luckily, I did not have twins, otherwise I would have been arrested for battery or murder, if it was a bad day.
Good point – stupidity IS everywhere. Unfortunately.
I get stupid comments 3 and 4 for my daughter and son, who were born 3 1/2 years apart. They grate. Whether you have twins or not, they grate.
And stupid comment 2 makes me despair for humankind.
“Despair for humankind” – well said.
Ours aren’t even born yet and we get some of these. I was quite shocked how free people feel to ask if you were using fertility drugs. That seems like a fairly personal question. I suppose we wouldn’t be ashamed to say we were if we were, but, since we weren’t I get a little bit rubbed-the-wrong-way.
Everyone always asks if we know the sexes and some seem a bit surprised when we say we don’t want to know until they’re born. I guess we are in a minority these days. This means people need to buy us gender-neutral gifts, which seems to bother some people, but, hey, screw them.
We didn’t know the sexes either, which meant coming up with 4 boys names and 4 girls names (including middle names) and then ranking them – as you no doubt know. But it’s fun…sort of…
My Mom has a twin sister and people still ask them stupid questions. It never ends and people act like they’re meeting the Pope or somebody extra special. Well, I guess they kind of are, right? It’s still annoying… to me anyways.
Still? I never thought of twins being adult victims of questions. And yes, as a child of a twin, that’d be extra annoying.
You seem to get curiously strange (idiotic) questions from strangers. I’ve gotten #3 a few times, (although I don’t have twins) and the truth is I am THRILLED I got one of each sex. Does that make me shallow?
Nope, not shallow at all, just human and honest. I also think the optimist in all of us will love whatever we get. Or perhaps I’m just being Pollyanna about this!
Love this! You’re awesome!
i like you. i mean, i really like you.
Kindred spirits, perhaps? 🙂