I’m talking on the phone, ignoring my kids. They’re supposed to be getting ready for bed. Vivian, who is already clad in red fleece pajamas, is hanging out two inches from my face, trying to get my attention.
“Hang on a sec,” I say to my friend.
“Vivian,” I snap. “Go brush your teeth.”
She stubbornly shakes her head.
I put my hand over the phone’s mouthpiece, so that I can keep up the pretense that I’m a mother who’s in control. “Go,” I say, resorting to single syllable sentences. “Now.”
I resume the conversation with my friend and watch Vivian leave the room, dejected.
A few minutes later, William bounds into the room, clad in mismatched pjs.
“Where’s Vivian?” he asks.
I shrug and struggle to multitask. I start a game of charades so I don’t interrupt my friend. I mime brushing my teeth.
“Nope,” William says. The kid’s good at interpreting body language.
Then I cover the receiver again and say the following:
Laughter comes from the phone. My friend heard my comment. So much for my pretense of normalcy.
William continues, “I checked the closet. She’s not there.”
Vivian doesn’t usually opt to hang out in dark closed spaces, but two days ago, in another Vivian search, we found her when we opened her closet door. She was sitting on a shelf, crying, trying to hide hurt feelings.
I apologize to my friend and begin the first step of any parental search-and-rescue plan: I yell Vivian’s name.
Eventually William finds her. In the time out chair. Eventually I hang up the phone. And eventually I give her the cuddle she so desperately wants.
*
It’s Whiteboard Wednesday, so I have to ask:
What bizarre statements have you said, heard, or read this week?
I picked up my son, my nephew and my cousin, all boys, 11, 9 and 10 years old, and we were en route to our house (the fun house), when I told them about my walk earlier. Our little dog, clad in his fancy new sweater, absolutely HAD to poop in the middle of our walk. IT WAS URGENT! He had to poop so bad he stopped mid stride and pooped right on the edge of the sidewalk! We drove very slow the whole way home for 2 miles trying to find the pile of poop. That’s the kinda aunt I am.
“Where’s the poop boys?!?!”
Hilarious. I’m thankful I haven’t had to say that to my twins. Yet.
While baking pumpkin bread with me today:
“We only sniff vanilla. We don’t drink it.”
I had a similar issue as a child, wondering how something so delicious smelling could taste so awful.
Excellent whiteboard.
Thanks for commenting. At least you said that about vanilla. I could have been glue. 😉
Bizarre statement just happened 2 minutes ago. Do husbands count? Hubs just said: “I am making a frankenstein x-box.” Go figure. It’s true. He showed it to me. Love your Whiteboard Wednesdays! And hey, nice DIABLOGUE Leanne!
Thanks, B! Husbands count indeed. And just what is a Frankenstein x-box?
Ahh, I have a good one… and I just happened to mention it in my blog this week. Before you pass judgement… I’d like to say that it was an honest mistake… a slip of the tongue! While we were having breakfast, I asked my daughter if she wanted to eat a second bowl of “Porn Pops”! heehee Shame on me… what kinda mommy am I?
Porn Pops…very funny. That’s going to drive some “interesting” traffic to your blog!
“Um, nothing to worry about, Mommy, but where do we keep the boric acid?”
I was laughing by the time I got to “nothing to worry about, Mommy.” That phrase is the preamble to so many disasters. I’m dying to know the boric acid story, though!
IM: Just did a search: “is microfiber kid-friendly for sofas” and found this. Is this you? (DH, twins, etc.)
We desperately need a new sofa, so we went and looked at them this past weekend.
We saw a few that we liked. The ones that DH and I both liked are an expensive special-order Thomasville microfiber one in cocoa, a less expensive ($750) leather one in a cream color, a less expensive ($650) microfiber one in a cream color, and a less expensive ($750) microfiber one in a light mocha color.
We have six-year-old twins who aren’t as gentle with furniture as I’d like. We’re going to talk with them about being more careful with the new sofa, but it will still need to be family friendly (somewhat stain and scratch/puncture resistant).
I’m really nervous about buying leather, as I’ve never had leather furniture before. I’m also really nervous about buying anything in the cream color. The furniture salespeople assured us that neither cream-colored sofa would stain, and said that spills and things “wipe right off” both leather and microfiber. But what about crayon? Newspaper ink? Can you actually set a newspaper down on a cream-colored sofa and expect it not to end up gray?
Would a really light-colored microfiber sofa be less likely to show stains/dirt than the leather? Or would leather really be better?
So … if you have kids, what sort of sofas do you have? Would you recommend microfiber or leather? Also, do you think that light colors like cream would really be stain resistant, or would darker colors (mocha) be more family friendly?
This is not me, unless someone is impersonating me… We do have a leather sofa (twins have not yet wrecked it) and a microfibre one (they’re working on wrecking that one…). Bizarre!
Check you out with your fancy pants snowy header! Love!
And snow on my blog is the extent of my love for the cold stuff…
Hi Leanne,
It’s so nice to hear how things are going with Will and Viv, through your blog. I saw you on CBC news tonight. Off and on, I have wondered how you and your family were doing. I’ve missed not having the twins in my care. Hope you are all doing well.
Take care,
Jennifer England
Hey, Jen. Great to hear from you. Viv and Will are doing well. You can follow their (mis)adventures here. Hope you and your boys are well!