When I was pregnant, the best decision I made was to tell no one the names I was considering for my uterus-imprisoned twins. I did tell my husband, though, which led to many name debates. For the majority of names we bandied about, we tended to respond with one of the following retorts:
- “That was the name of one of my exes”
- “That was the name of one of your exes”
- “I had an annoying student named that”
- “Are you freaking crazy?”
Not telling anyone worked for us. Once our babes were born and we did the reveal, few people criticized our chosen names, Vivian and William, at least not to our faces.
There are some soon-to-be parents, however, who would benefit from running the names they’re considering by the Don’t-Beat-Me-Up-at-School, Name-Vetting Organization.
This past week, the province of Alberta released its list of 2010 baby names. The government tracks the names of every baby born in the province and releases this data. The most popular names from 2010 seem to fall into the category of classic-names-that-are-now-trendy.
Here are the top ten girls’ names:
And here are the top ten boys’ names:
These are not too shocking, in my opinion; I know plenty of kids with these names. But then there were the clangers, the one-of-a-kind names that make you wonder whether many of these parents-to-be froze a substantial portion of their brain cells over a series of long Canadian winters.
BIZARRE BOY NAMES
Name: Canada
Makes me ask: Would his parents be that patriotic if they lived in Burkino Faso?
Name: Brik
Makes me ask: As in throw a Brik through your window? As in thick as a Brik?
Name: Boomer
Makes me ask: Was he named after the generation he’ll have to support?
Name: Viktorious
Makes me ask: What if the kid’s not athletic? What if he’s the last one picked for sports teams? Maybe his middle name’s Irony.
BIZARRE GIRL NAMES
Name: Gorgeous
Makes me ask: Have the parents forgotten what it’s like to be in Junior High?
Name: Eclypse
Makes me ask: Did Twilight and New Moon make their short list?
Name: Universe
Makes me ask: Will she suffer from “always expanding” jokes?
Name: Palin
Makes me ask: Will she have a Tea Party for every birthday?
Other names recorded on the 2010 Name List include Diamond, Serenity, Elektra-Lee, Infinity for girls. And Duramax, Thatcher, Santana and Famous for boys.
If you want to know how this compares to last year, you can click here to get to my snarky post from last year.
Now I hand it over to you:
I was at a maple syrup festival on the weekend and heard a man calling for his 5(ish)-year -old son thusly: “Morpheus? Where are you Morpheus? Oh, there you are Morpheus.”
BLAMO!
Morpheus? I had my research assistant (Ms. Wikepedia) look up the meaning, with the hopes this might explain something. Morpheus’ “true semblance is that of a winged daemon, imagery shared with many of his siblings.” The research does explain something: misguided parents.
One of our reservations was always, ‘Oh, that was such-and-such’s dog’s name’. Once a known pooch (living or dead) had the name, it’s automatically discounted. We had fun with family and friends when it came to names. We told my MIL we were thinking along the lines of Kermit or Zaphod 🙂 Always fun to play the name game. Of course, you get the ultimate winners listed above… Oh, Canada!
Pet names = an automatic pass, I agree. I love how you teased your MIL. Kermit’s kind of cute, if you’re a frog.
Hehehe, on a ficitonal side-note: “Indiana? We named the DOG Indiana!”
But I agree, it’s weird naming children after pets. I don’t care how much I loved the dog I had as a child; no son of mine is being called Pepper.
The scary thing is that – after reading these – Pepper doesn’t seem that odd.
Your post reminded me of something I wrote way back in 2003. Hope you enjoy it – http://vinayjap.wordpress.com/2003/07/22/malayali-names/.
Vinay – thanks for the link. I love hearing about naming traditions in other cultures. (Venezuela has some pretty unique customs, too). But a plus-sized girl named Fridgy? Sigh.
I remember before Chris even met you he thought Gus was the best name ever for a baby. But then, Chris thought a lot of odd things before he met you!
Yes and Yes. Gus was on Chris’ half of the Venn diagram. That’s as far as it made it.
Good twin names would be ‘Stretch’ and ‘Marker’.
Funny! In the haze of parenting newborns, I frequently referred to Vivian and William as “You” and “The Other One.”
When the Reds were born, we owned a church/house so naming them Matthew and Luke seemed reasonable. Well, weird reasonable, but nonetheless. Their father is named Mark and yes, we did it on purpose and yes, I’d name a third son John. (Girl = Joanna)
It’s the Catholic in me. I can’t help it, but at least they’re all reasonable, stand-alone names. If you didn’t KNOW that Matthew’s brother was Luke and his father a Mark, it his name remains unremarkable.
Having said THAT, I don’t understand why parents would saddle their children with oddball names. Or their daughter with stripper names. Or names like, “Morpheus”. (see first comment) WTH is that about?
I like names that have patterns: Gospel names work for me. They’re classic. If I had more children, I think I’d stick with end-of-the-alphabet names, going for X, Y, and Z. (I kid you not). Maybe it’s a good thing I’ve had my Alpha and Omega.
I know a woman whose third son is named Espn. As in, ESPN, the sports network. Her husband is a sports nut and thought it was a great idea. Nope, no pressure on THAT kid to be a sports hero, huh?
You’re kidding. As in they pronounce it E-S-P-N? (as opposed to ess-pen, I suppose). Did they get corporate sponsorship?
If Brik had a twin, would they name him Mortar? Or Brak?
Or would they be two briks short of a load?
why do you ask, two dogs……
Now there’s a joke that’s been around for a while!
I still like Wenceslas.
I met a lady once called Velvet Coffyn. I sh*t you not. You’ve got to wonder what her parents were thinking.
Really? Are you sure that wasn’t her stripper name? I was really picky when considering a girl’s name. My rule: I had to be able to see it being used on a basketball court and in a board room. “Velvet” might be said on a board room table, but that was not quite what I meant.
Duramax? Seriously? That sounds like a condom. Holy crap.
As a teacher, I had students with weird names. As a camp director, even more.
Worst ones I came across (no pun intended):
1. B.J. Serviss. (hand to heart. swear.)
2. Emma Hoare, (really? did they never say it out loud? although, admittedly, what name WOULD sound good with Hoare? Why not a last name change, people?)
3. Dong Ho. (enough said.)
I love the names Vivian and William, by the way. (not just saying that because you’re stuck with them…)
I think you win, Julie, on the most bizarre. I’m dumbstruck with those names. In Thailand, I taught girls named Porn (it’s a common prefix of girls’ names – in Bangkok, no less!) and Arunrat. My husband also once knew I woman who hyphenated her last name with her DH’s when she married. She became Herder-Mone.
We don’t need to write fiction with these tales.
Laughing out loud at B.J. Serviss
Bug was easy because we just recycled my husband’s name, and tacked on a roman numeral at the end (he’s a Third). Bean was harder, though, especially since I disregarded every name in the Top 200 for the past, well, ever. The highest hers ever got was 218, and that was almost too close for comfort. Almost.
My friend loves to tell the story of sitting in the waiting room of her doctor’s office and the nurse looking around nervously before calling out the patient’s name, “Um…Shit Head Jones?” Ms. Jones stood up indignantly and said, “It’s Shi-THEAD.”
Shit Head Jones? Too funny.
It’s hard to find a balance between not too common and not too beat-me-up-at-school-ish.
When I lived in Thailand, the Thais always pronounced my first name “Lennie.” I almost grew to like it in a charming way. I just walked around quoting Of Mice and Men: “And I get to tend the rabbits.”
My college roommate named her son Thor. I will stop now.
Wow. Did you buy him a big hammer?
I have seen Vischaen (pronounced “vision”), Frankenishia (a VERY beautiful 16 year old girl) and A’nesti (“honesty”). A friend worked in an ER and had a patient named Fuk Yu. The kid has to live with that name forever. Play nice!
Fuk Yu sounds like the punchline of a terrible joke. Play nice indeed.
You mean Clayton isn’t on the list? I’m hurt. I hoped to be Viktorious. I think a funny name for a boy would be Mister.
No Clayton. No Leanne either. Come to think of it, I’m surprised more parents aren’t naming their kids Irony.
I’m trying to find a way to work a “Broken Wings” joke into a Mr. Mister comment, but I’m failing.
Correction: I failed.
I used to work in a call center where are calls are monitored. I had one call and i kept calling the customer Mr. Yu, after the call my TL came over and said i’d failed that call because i didn’t use his first name after I pointed out that his first name was Phuk, she passed me anyway.
Mr. Phuk Yu? Yikes. I guess you passed!
“William” and “Vivian” are perfectly wonderful names…
I named my oldest daughter, Kaylee, after a song that was popular a couple of years before she was born in 1986 (original was spelled “Kayleigh”, but I thought that was too hard to spell…the poor kid is still spelling her name for people!). Now there are “Kaylee”‘s all over the place…I was apparently ahead of my time! The really funny part is that, if she and Scott decide to get married, she’ll be “Kaylee Lee”…didn’t see that one coming!
My second daughter, Anna, is named for Kaylee’s first babysitter, Anne, who had to give up babysitting due to Alzheimer’s disease. I was pregnant with my third daughter when my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer. We agreed to give the baby my aunt’s name as her middle names, and we called her “Hope” because we hoped my aunt would be okay (she’s still fighting 14 years after being diagnosed!).
What gets me is celebrities who give their kids weird names…I suppose it gives them more to talk about in therapy…
Wendy
I love naming stories. I do. And these are beautiful. Hope indeed! Your aunt must be so pleased. Sounds like she’s got quite the spirit.
I made sure Vivian and William’s middle names were after real people. There’s something nice about a human connection, isn’t there?
Changing the subject, I wonder if anyone’s named their child Twitter yet. I believe I heard of a Facebook.
One morning, when I was 35, my mom was reading the birth announcements in the Herald and came across “Calista Dawn.” She was completely outraged that someone would give their daughter such a dinosaury name. What were they thinking? What was wrong with them? Isn’t there a federal or provincial commission to prevent such horrors? Doesn’t that consistute some form of child abuse?
I then pointed out that she had named me “Lorraine Beryl” — La Rain Barrel — and her jaw dropped. She had never, even once, not for a moment, thought of that. In 35 years.
You tell that story great. I love how your mom hadn’t noticed.
There has actually been a few cases where parents were taken to court over the names they gave their child. Such as the name “Tallula Does the Hula.” I mean really. Here’s a link if you’re interested: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25827708/ns/world_news-weird_news/
Do you think if I changed my DD1’s name from plain old Micheila to Micheila-does-the-chores she’d actually do them?! 🙂 Sorry just REALLY enjoying this post and all the interesting comments.
Great idea, Reba. I might change Vivian’s to Vivian-chews-with-her-mouth-closed-and-does-not-use-chair-as-a-pommel-horse.
That could be another post: name changes as persuasion.
Thanks for stopping by!
I once taught a Harly Davidson…. really. And he lived up to his name. Though there was always laughter somewhere in the school when he was called to the office.
It took me forever to come up with a name for my baby oops (his brother was born 20 years earlier). Having taught for 20 years every name seemed to be someone I had taught. Ended up with Tavian (from Octavius). Granted he wasn’t my 8th son, but there was enough time to have 8 sons in betwwen the two of them. Seemed safe – how was I to know that his name would describe how much energy he had. Eight boys indeed.
Harly Davidson? Wow.
I like Baby Oops. The teacher aspect makes naming a baby hard. I like Tavian. Is he Tave for short? And I’m laughing at your comment: “there was enough time to have 8 sons in between”!
Thanks for commenting.
We were the same. We did not tell our names to anyone when I was pregnant. People find it a lot harder to put down the name when the baby with that name is being handed over. We went with simple names (Jack and Sarah). As a teacher, all I ask is that the name is spelled phonetically so I can pronounce it on the first day of school, not look like a fool and not make the person whose name I am butchering look bad.
Yes, as a teacher I too mispronounce names. I’ve taught at international schools for most of my career (and I’m now at a school with a culturally diverse population) which means a lot of the pronunciations I’m unfamiliar with. On the first day of school, I write a pronunciation guide beside each student’s name.
Jack and Sarah, though, I could say with confidence!
Gorgeous, Diamond, Serenity, Elektra-Lee, Infinity: that is an all-star lineup of pole dancer names.
By the time that Tax Credit #4 came along, we were out of names. He was just Baby Boy McFadden for a while.
Pole dancer names, indeed.
Tax Credit has a nice ring to it. 😉 And I’m sure you were almost out of names. We had enough trouble coming up with four boys names and four girls names (first and middle) in case our twins turned out to be same sex. And then we had to rank them in case they were boy/girl twins.
Meet the twins we never had: Issac Michael and Elizabeth (Liza) Ruth.
Hey I’m all for weird baby names as long as it’s not insulting in your own society. My twins names are Dionysus (Greek God of wine and bad behavior) and Ruger (yes like the gun). My oldest boy’s name is Jarvis, which is not too bad but we nicknamed him Fresco, which means cool in Spanish. He is named after his dad whose real name is Jarvis and they call him Kool. Craziness, I know.
So good to have you back in the blogosphere, Mariah!
I do love the diversity of names. It would be pretty boring if we all had top 100 names. Sometimes I wish William’s name was a bit more original, but my husband named him after William Wallace (think Braveheart) and I named him after William Shakespeare (spot the English teacher).
And Fresco = fab!
You aren’t going to believe me but I swear its true. When my son was born we named him Dallen,which is a little different so we asked the nurse if she thought it was too ‘out there’…she said, ”OH NO! The lady two doors down named her baby girl….Oh, I will just spell it for you and see if you think there is another way to pronounce it…V-A-G-I-N-A”. I thought, were they going for Virginia and just reeeealy bad spellers??? Oh no…it was in fact Vagina. I wonder what they would have named a boy?
Luckily my husband and I didn’t disagree like some couples. We have a list of fall back names, in fact, for at least 3 kids of ours that will probably never be born.
All had to pass the boyfriend/girlfriend test, monogram test and just plain stupid test.
I like the “Just Plain Stupid” test. Yes, the initials.
I can’t believe you had extra names!
I love these comments. Love. You have awesome readers.
We went the classic names that are coming back route too – Hannah and Nathan. Hannah’s initials spell HOPE. Kinda unique. Kinda corny. That’s the way we roll.
Brik actually comes from old English and means bridge. His dad chose the name because he loves bridges and wanted a name that reflected his English roots. He is a beautiful, happy little guy who charms everyone he meets. I often hear names I wouldn’t choose myself but assume most of the time the parents have some reason for selecting it.
That’s a fair point, Michelle. And I’ve known some people with some original names, and they become a lot less bizarre when you know them.
I do love hearing name stories; it’s one of the writing assignments I give students. And there is something cool about bridges.
Thanks for weighing in!
I don’t know how I missed this blog!
My SIL almost named her son Max Ethan. Say that a few times. Here, I’ll help you: Max E. Thin. Max. E. Thin. Maxi-Thin! OMG! He is now Max Evan. 😉
Love that story! Slays me.
Wow. Maxithin, son of Mem Stration. (I’ll have you know I’m now saying the names of my kids really quickly to see what I can create!)
I think it’s cool that you didn’t tell anyone your names.
I have to admit that some of my favorite names are on the top 10 lists: Chloe, Sophia, Noah…. I’m so unoriginal.
I met a guy named Hercules in a bar once. That is A LOT to live up to. Thought of giving him a shot just for research purposes but in the end I passed.
I rarely do this but here’s a link to a post I wrote a few weeks ago about baby names entitled “Oscar— Is Your Baby Gold With An Inflated Sense of Self-Importance?”. Thought you might get a kick out of it:
http://www.mommyshorts.com/2011/02/is-your-baby-gold-with-an-inflated-sense-of-self-importance.html
I went the classic route with all six but the twins were a touch off with the female – Andrew and Elise they are. Of course, they are also 24. Other kids Edwin (not Edward), Susan, Benjamin and Daniel.
Love this post and all the comments. Naming stories are so interesting! When I was dating my husband 10 years ago, we discussed names for future children and discovered we both had a boy and girl name that we liked in common. The only problem was the middle name for the boy. So I spent the next 9 years declaring that there was no way I was going to name my son Maximillian Robespierre! Last year we had our first child, a boy, and he is Maximillian Edward (after my husband’s grandfather). We do NOT allow him to be called Maxi and we almost passed on the name because of the possibility of that nickname and subsequent school yard teasing. Now if we have a girl next time around we still love the name we picked 10 years ago, God help us if it’s a boy though because Maximillian is a hard name to follow.
The litmus test for names is this, open your front door, lean out and scream the proposed name at the top of your voice three times, as if you were calling the child in for dinner. If you are going to give your child an obscure name please enrol it in pre school kinder karate, because it is going to have to fight its way through school.
I was named after Laurence Olivier and John Wayne, the old man wanted to name me John Wayne but mum put her foot down. I would have preferred William or Samuel.