This week’s guest blogger is Kim Harms. Kim lives in small-town Iowa with her husband and three sons. When not focusing on survival in her testosterone-laden household, she writes and runs a clothing ministry for Haitian children. Her work has been published in a variety of magazines and devotionals. She blogs at kimharms.net and 500dresses.org.
Bears on Wheels is a one of Lewis’ favorite bedtime story books. My youngest son loves it because it’s one of those books he can “read.” Mostly my little man just looks at the pictures and states the obvious, but he can almost quote the whole thing verbatim.
“Four bears on one wheel. One bear on two wheels…” You get the picture.
Well, one night not long ago as we were reading the Stan and Jan Berenstain classic, Lewis was a bit distracted by one of those body parts that is ever so popular at our house. His penis. A mom of all boys, I often feel like I’ve been dropped onto another planet as I listen to their conversations and the noises their bodies emit. Though my three handsome boys have (what they deem to be) hilarious nicknames for their various body parts, we do not shy away from using the proper medical terminology either. Penis is just another word at the Harms home.
If you were raised in a home like me where privates were never mentioned, much less joked about, I dare you to say penis out loud ten times. I’ll wait…
See now, wasn’t that freeing? It’s just a body part, people.
It is because I grew up in a household where “unmentionables” were never mentioned that I have decided to be more open (within the realm of appropriateness) with my kids. In other words, I’m not afraid to say the word penis. And we let our boys joke about such subjects as flatulence, poop and the one-eyed trouser snake. When they recently had a 15-minute conversation in the car about whether it’s possible for a person to contort his body enough to poop on his own face, Corey and I just held our tongues and let them talk.
Don’t get me wrong. My sons are not Neanderthals. They happen to be well-rounded individuals who are perfectly capable of participating in normal and even lovely conversations. I shared the above info to give you a framework of the intricacies of the mind of a growing boy.
Now, back to bedtime with Lewis.
On this particular night, his penis seemed to be far more interesting than his book. I think I was waiting for him to count out the ten bears on one wheel when I noticed where his hand was.
“What are you doing?” It was a logical question.
“Look how far I can pull this skin,” he said tugging on his scrotum.
I said:
I was trying to be calm and matter-of-fact about my little sweetheart’s display of his manliness.
“Yeah, and it holds my balls in,” he replied. And then, just like his mind had never left bedtime-story-world, he was right back in the book with me.
“Ten bears on one wheel” . . . and in my mind I couldn’t help but think “two balls in one scrotum.”
My son once grabbed his grandmother’s fat roll, and asked her “Is that your scrotum?”
: Hahaha! That is hilarious!
Oh my goodness! That is so funny! How did she respond?
Fortunately, she laughed. And secretly so did I…..she’s my mother-in-law!
I told my boys that when god made man he found he’d forgotten to put in the testicles. Worried what might happen if he asked man to hold them, he found some spare elbow skin, made it into a bag and placed the testicles there to hang between man’s legs so they would never get lost.
I think they might fail biology when they are older.
And you won’t even be able to punish them for failing because they’ll have you to blame 😉
God bless us boys and moms who let us be us! My 10 year old daughter is appalled at her little brothers’ constant poop talk, farts and burps! Lol. Sorry baby, boys will be boys.
Your daughter is going to have a good understanding of the minds of males. That will probably prove beneficial when she gets married!
That’s hysterical!
Glad you thought so. It’s amazing to me how funny little boys can be.
: Hilarity!
Thanks! Lewis is always good for a laugh.
After a long LOL I’m still chuckling-my 3 are in their mid- to late twenties now and still have those discussions. Life is good, isn’t it?
Life is good for sure. I never would have imagined how crazy it would be having three boys, or how much I would love it. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
My poor husband lives in a house full of vaginas. He lives in constant fear.
As he should 🙂 My husband grew up with four sisters, so this all male household is definitely a change of pace for him.
Best laughs I’ve had all week. Totally hilarious.
Thanks! Lewis always makes me laugh. It’s fun to share the joy.
We’re pretty frank about calling body parts by their appropriate names at our house. With a 26 month old in the house, I’m often worried about what his preschool teachers think. I’m sure he has “schooled” them on more than one occasion. Boys will be boys!!
I’ve had the same thought. But I say it’s better for them to grow up knowing what’s what than to be clueless.
I am outnumbered here with stooges too…we have schmeckles and every other word is fart…..love the post!
Thanks! My boys think farting is one of the most hilarious things ever. And from what I understand they don’t ever outgrow it.
The nonchalant penis/scrotum talk. This was hilarious 🙂
Growing up I could have never imagined some of the conversations that take place in our home 🙂
I, too, live in a testosterone-filled home where such conversations are frequent. One day, one of my boys came to me alarmed, telling me that he had discovered that his balls weren’t “even.” Older brother comes in to share his wisdom. “That’s so they don’t get messed up from bumping into each other.” Evidently this is what they talk about at all-boy Catholic schools.
Ha!! It’s nice to know I’m not alone 🙂
I love this post! I’m also a mom of three prepubes who get funnier everyday. It’s great to hear from someone else who has decided to roll with it and let boys be boys!
God definitely created boys differently than girls, and I love that you let your boys be boys too!
Penis. There, I did it!
This post is excellent! As a new mom to a baby boy, and having grown up in a household where body functions in general were not discussed, I hope I can be more open with him about the way things work. Your frank discussions are something to live up to!
Good for you! I appreciate your comments. Sometimes I have to force myself not to shut down some conversations because they make me uncomfortable, but Iooking back, though my parents were awesome, I wish they had been more open with me about certain things. That makes me want to have an open line of communication with my kids…even if it weirds me out sometimes 🙂
That is so funny! My boy is only 2 and I have a 5 yr old daughter, but I anticipate lots of conversations like this in my future. He already is pretty happy about his permanent toy.
Kids say and think some pretty crazy stuff. I’m sure you will have your share of interesting “body part” conversations!
I have a boy and a girl and they both talk equally about body parts and farts, body odor, and the like. Kids are funny that way.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to throw a girl into the mix at our house. I’m guessing she’d probably think body parts and odors are funny too. Either that or she’d think her brothers were crazy.Guess I’ll never know.
This was sooo funny, I had to share this on my Science Of Parenthood FB page (www.facebook.com/scienceofparenthood) My husband and I also use correct names for body parts. Hence my 7 yr old is always asking where my penis is. I resist the urge to tell him that I keep it in my nightstand.
The six-year-old whom I wrote about was also very perplexed when I told him I don’t have a penis. He can’t figure out how I can possibly pee 🙂 He doesn’t quite understand the differences in the male and female body yet, and I’m okay with that for now. Thanks for sharing the post!
Love this! My husband told my 4yr old son his bits were his “Tool and Toolbag.” Not long after, during an exceptionally exploratory bath time, he grabs one ball and told me “this one’s the wrench and the other is a screwdriver” he was certain of it.
That is hilarious! When our oldest son discovered his testicles he came up to me very concerned that he had swallowed some marbles. 😉
My girls have penis envy or maybe it’s just that they get confused at which thing is which for them. Girls have too many parts to really decipher without a mirror…and we haven’t resorted to this yet. I cannot yet say the vagina word out loud. Just kidding, but imagine driving through a city named Regina (Saskatchwan, Canada) and having to explain the difference to a mixed crowd. Oh yeah, a real hoot! Great story!