So yesterday was Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day. Apparently it’s an annual holiday. I don’t know who celebrates it, but I’m guessing their friend-count on Facebook might be in the single digits.
As I alluded to in an earlier post, one of my useless claims-to-fame is that I can sneeze like Donald Duck, a “talent” that not only stops conversations, but also sends people to wash their hands in our H1N1, whose-saliva-is-on-me world. If that isn’t bizarre enough, I can sing Amazing Grace to the tune of The Lion Sleeps Tonight as well as to the theme song from Gilligan’s Island, both perfectly off-key. Nothing I’m going to add to a resume, that’s for sure.
When I was a six, my sister dragged out a tape player the size of a poodle and recorded me hosting a Gong-Show style program. (We were farm kids with little to do in the winter). If you’ve blocked out memories of The Gong Show, you can watch the clip below, featuring The Unknown Comic . It’s worth it to see a young Steve Martin on the judging panel, or to see the show whose “sardonic outlook continues to influence many unsympathetic talent and reality shows,” according to my research assistant, Wikipedia. If that’s not reason enough, then check out The Unknown Comic’s shoes.
In my own six-year-old version of The Gong Show, I gave talents to my family members and rated them. My dad’s skill was hammering and he pounded his way to a score of 7 out of 10. My brother’s talent was “blowing stinks” (you guessed it: farting); he got gonged, as in big time, wind-up, hit-the-gong-as-hard-as-you-can gonged. Not sure what my sister’s skill was, but it was no doubt pretty good. My mom’s special talent was curling, as in the sport, and she received a 10. And there you have it, my worldview at age six. (By the way, if you’re not suitably bored at this point, watch this video on curling; if you’re still not bored enough, go curl).
In honour of Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day, I asked my five-year-old twins to share what they believe are the unique talents of each of us. According to Vivian, her talent is drawing cats and flowers, William’s good at silly dancing, and Mommy excels at loving and cuddling (I believe this was a thinly-disguised attempt at kissing-up since she desperately wanted a treat). Daddy, according to Viv, is really good at watching basketball on TV. And she’s right, he’s is really good at it.
William then weighed in on the debate. He declared that he was good at playing computer games (insert bad-parenting-guilt here). Vivian, he claimed, was great at playing blocks. He confirmed that watching TV was Daddy’s specialty. As for me? William says my talent is sitting. Freaking great…sitting…I can hear the gong already, while I’m seated on the chair sneezing like Donald Duck. Voted off the island.
Happy Belated Unique Talent Day. If you don’t have one, perhaps you can practice for November 24, 2010.