This week’s guest blogger is Andrea Angileri. Andrea is an accidentally witty and observant mother of four. Born and raised in the Midwest, Andrea works with child care providers in various roles and recently began her blog I’m Andrea and You’re Not after she realized that her Facebook status updates were warmly received but too damn long. Without further ado, here she is.
Some of the weird things we say as parents need little introduction. Like this moment in time:
I have given over twelve years of ‘motherly’ correction, but my latest—“We don’t use ‘Jesus’ and ‘fart’ in the same sentence”—was truly the first of its kind. I cannot quite remember the specific sentence structure uttered in the living room that afternoon; like the dinner served two nights ago, it had been chewed upon, appreciated, digested, and moved on.
I know it wasn’t as sacrilegious to suggest that Jesus farts, nor was it necessarily taking his name in vain, and I’m 95% sure it was my five year old son. So, what did I do next? I did what any mom in this day and age would do, I shook my finger, firmly yet lovingly addressed it, and then promptly posted it to share with 600 of my closest Facebook friends.
As a mom of four, I am well aware that I have a spiritual leadership role to fulfill. I must guarantee that Jesus will be set far apart from farts. As a mom to three boys, I also understand that, to boys, farts are funny. From the first moment their little cherub butts cause mysterious bubbles to rise in the tub and result in contagious giggles, to the moment of adolescent, pre-meditated, strategically placed farts, it is a barrel of laughs. One day I will have to tell my daughter, who has three older brothers, that farts are not cute and, frankly, ‘aren’t lady-like.’ It will be bittersweet as I will no longer be able to pin the blame on any of my children for any of my wrongdoing.
It really seems like common knowledge that we shouldn’t blend deities with bodily functions, but children must be told these things sometimes. It looks like mama needs to pump up the Veggie Tales and step up her Sunday school game face.
We’ll just stay away from broccoli for good measure.
Let’s have some fun.
What are two words you’d rather not see hanging around
in the same sentence together?
“Smell” and “my”. Whatever follows “Smell my. . .” I can pretty much guarantee you won’t be pleasant.
That’s super easy! (Although my answer isn’t funny…) “Child” and “cancer”. Should not ever be in the same sentence. Ever. Especially not with an added “your” before the child.
I’ve learned to dread hearing the words “your” and “broken” in the same sentence. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, there will be tears before bedtime!
We light a candle at the dinner table, and I always say, “We light this candle to remind us that Jesus is here with us now and always.” One night my 7yo said, “Jesus, do you like armpit farts?” and proceeded to demonstrate with great gusto. I’m not sure I can keep “Jesus” and “farts” apart.
During your article, YOU used “Jesus” and “fart” three times in the the same sentence. I counted. 🙂
more & babies
How about letters? DO & MA.
vacation & sick – please?
“carrot” and “cake”. It’s just not right. Veggies aren’t dessert. Never have been, never will be.
“You’re” and “fired”.