I am pleased to introduce you to this week’s Whiteboard Wednesday guest blogger, Irene Karras. Irene is a Calgary-based communications specialist, pop-culture critic and writer. She has a Masters in Communications Studies from the University of Calgary, which she lords over her children when they dare question her yelling. She blogs at Misplaced My Sassy and tweets at @irene_karras.
Playing Favourites (a.k.a. getting played)
It’s the noise mostly.
No one mentioned just how loud three kids would be, and just how tiring so much noise pollution was. There were warnings of course: “Three’s a crowd”; “The third wheel”; “Bad things come in threes.” Sure, there were threesomes, which some people apparently find fun, and of course the Holy Trinity is a miraculous example of threes getting along, but these were exceptions. Threes often just don’t seem to work.
My three kids are generally pretty awesome except when they are fighting, which is constantly, which means they’re generally not that awesome a lot of the time. But they’re mine, and I love them fiercely. And I love them equally. Of course I do! It’s a horrible mother that shows overt favouritism towards one child. Like Mommie Dearest horrible. Like future psychiatrist’s pay-dirt horrible.
I read an article before I became a parent about a dying mother who wrote each of her three children a letter confessing that he was her favourite, but swearing them to secrecy. “That’s nice,” I remember thinking. “How nice to leave each one feeling so loved.”
Mine would bust me before the will was even finished being read. The middle child – finally vindicated! – would lord it over the oldest (who always has to do everything!) and the baby (who’s always last!). They would in turn whip their letters out and eventually someone’s hair would get ripped out while someone else would get a bleeding nose and sooner or later everyone would end up a sweaty, snotty hot mess of rage and repressed inferiority complexes.
So, I try not to play favourites.
Except for that one time when we were in a busy mall at a busy time of year being busy and the whining and shoving and name-calling were getting to me. My older children begged for popcorn and ice cream and Lego. I ignored them. Then my youngest quietly demanded French fries. I knew this tone. I knew he would lose it if he didn’t get those fries and then I would lose it and everyone would lose it and the day would just be utterly lost with nothing accomplished and I’d just have to put everyone through it again next week. I couldn’t do this again next week! So, I said yes to the French fries.
Thus began the refrain: “Why does he always get everything he wants? Why don’t we ever get anything we want? It’s not fair, it’s not fair, it’s not fair. Why does he get French fries?!”
I heard myself coldly reply:
The elderly couple in line next to me was aghast. The new mother with her one sleeping fat baby was appalled. The seasoned mom with three kids laughed out loud and high-fived me.
The older children were momentarily stunned into silence. And then: “No really, Mama, why why why why…”
I bought them all French fries. Of course I did.
Your turn:
How many kids in your family?
Did your parents play favourites?
I’m the oldest of 4 (well, 5 if you count my half sister who I’ve only met once). My mother had us young. She made the mistake once of introducing me as “the smart one” and my sister simply by name. It may have seemed innocuous at the time, but it haunted my sister for a long time. The truth was, she just had to work harder at learning and retention whereas school came easily to me. Oddly enough, or maybe because…she became a nurse specializing in emergency and cardiac.
Ha! Your story gives me hope that my many thoughtless comments won’t necessarily (totally) scar them for life and may actually end up motivating them. Thanks for sharing it.
YES and YES! We have four children and I have said that exact phrase on more than one occasion, in jest of course. It gets the point across that fair doesn’t mean equal.
I’m also the youngest of four and refer to myself as the “secret favourite”, like we don’t all know it’s actually true.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s driven to this! I’m totally the favourite, too, because I’m the only one who’s given my parents grandkids.
Hahaha!
Thanks for the laugh!
Truth is funnier than fiction!
Great post!
I only have two kids and have done this exact thing numerous times… now I get the sarcastic reply, “Ha, ha, Mom. VERY funny.” It still shuts them up, however.
On occasion (after the 25th whiny “Why not?”) I’ve also been known to pull out the Mom-of-the-year response of, “Because i don’t love you.” That one’s always a winner with the elderly couples and new mothers…
hahaha! I’m adding that to me repertoire!
Loved it! 🙂
I really should tell my kids that I love one of them more than the other. It gives them perspective and helps create more humble individuals 🙂
Can I shamelessly plug for a post I’ve written almost a year ago about having a favourite child? Here it is: http://galpod.wordpress.com/2012/09/26/talking-about-parental-favouritism/
Great post! I’m of the “Whichever one is pissing me off least right now is my favourite” school. They all have a shot at top-spot. They just have to want it badly enough!
haha made me laugh out loud! Love it!
Whichever one sleeps the longest is my favorite. No question.
Ha! That’s as great a criteria as any I can think of.
My daughter is an only child (who’ll be 21!). I often joke with her, especially when she’s feeling down, or frustrated, that she’s my favorite daughter. It certainly doesn’t resolve anything, but it makes her laugh for a few moments.
I have 3 kids and I completely understand… this is my life and yup I have my favorite he is the baby and the only boy but he is my favorite only because at the age of 2.5 he doesnt talk there for one less voice. He ACTUALLY listens and when I raise my voice he is the first one to stop and pay attention I dont have to repeat my self 3 times for them to hear me. I am the younegst of 3 as well – Very much the favorite comeon who else travels 2 hours every weekend with three kids in a car to visit there parents just to hang out.
I tell my son he’s my favorite son he’s my favorite son, and my daughter she’s my favorite daughter. And sometimes I tell each of them that he or she is my favorite when the other is present, just to get that other one to listen or to pay attention. It always works.
…ahhhh the memories. Thanks Irene and ..Leanne of course.
I always played favorites. Of course, when you only have one child, you can get away with it.
Haha!! Love this…high five! I have 2 and they are too young and too literal. My daughter bawled her eyes out when she was 3 and I did the whole “bye bye, I’m leaving” thing when she didn’t want to leave the park. So, while I’ve thought those words sarcastically in my head many times, I haven’t said them…yet 😉