I am more delighted than a teacher on a snow day to have one of my besties, Elena Aitken, guest posting here today. Together with Trish Loye and I, Elena completes the Wordbitches trio. We’re also part of the same writing group.
Elena is a kick-a$$ writer who’s very successful on the Indie scene (People, she’s making a living at it, and her first book was published not even a year ago). She’s a voracious writer with a big fan base, and she has a big heart. Follow Elena on Twitter, Facebook, or her blog. And if you wish, check out Elena Aitken’s books here. Her latest is Sugar Crash, a novella I finished in a single sitting.
Here she is…
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My novel, Drawing Free, deals with a tough subject, but one that I feel needs to be addressed because sometimes moms have bad days when they just want to run away from it all. Whether you admit it or not…if you’re a mom, I’m willing to bet you’ve had one of those days.
Since Drawing Free looks at the tougher side of when a mom has had enough, I wanted to take a lighter look. I ran a contest to come up with the Top 10 Signs That Mom Needs a Vacation, and this is what members of the Goodreads‘ group, Ladies & Literature, came up with.
Their answers made me snort tea, with only a little bit hitting my laptop. When I was done wiping up the mess, I compiled the final list.
Top 10 Signs That Mom Needs a Vacation
- When you realize the spit up in your hair holds better than hairspray.
- When you yell four names before getting the right one and one of them is your husband’s.
- When you view the restroom as your ‘happy place’ because of the solitude.
- When you open your purse and find that it contains 15 receipts for kids clothing and shoes, a half-eaten lollipop that has been rewrapped, tutti-fruiti rainbow flavored chapstick, a nursing pad, three Hotwheels, a pair of size 2T panties and absolutely no cash.
- When the only songs you know are sung by cartoon characters or men who wear primary colours with Australian accents.
- When your husband comes home from work, sees the house is in relatively good order and says, “Oh, today was good?”
- When you’re more excited about your daughter’s weekend sleep-over at a friend’s house than your daughter.
- When your children bring you breakfast in bed and all you can think about is if there is enough dishwashing soap to clean the mess they left in the kitchen.
- When you start to think SpongeBob is actually funny.
- When you have no idea whose snot is on your shirt. And don’t care.
Which answer is your favourite?
What other signs are there that mom needs a vacation?
(Leave a comment and enter for a chance to win a copy of Elena’s most recent eBook, Sugar Crash).
OMG HILARIOUS!!!! I think I gotta go with number 1 as my fav – RIOT!! You poor MOMs!!!!!
Hey it’s true! And when the twins were babies, it was the only hair ‘product’ I used. 🙂
3
You get solitude in the bathroom?? My favorite is yelling the wrong names. I sometimes throw a few dog names in there, too. Heh.
Lori, you gotta try the lock. I sometimes turn the fan on to create the white noise.
Haha, I have called my daughter Odie a number of times.
Leanne – Thanks for inviting Elena to guest here.
Elena – #s 2, 3, and 4 are all vying for the top spot with me. I even get my neighbors’ kids and dog in the mix when we’re all outside playing. My rule is: if I’m looking at you, whatever I’m saying is directed at and for you.
Where are your fave spots for taking that much-needed vacation?
http://kateschannel.wordpress.com/2012/04/24/thanking-my-lucky-school-stars/
Thanks, Kate.
I like that rule. I’ll have to add it to my rule book.
I’m happy to vacation anywhere. Frankly, I’m not choosy. 🙂
Number 9… Oh, dear. My 2 year old nephew LOVES Spongebob. We’ve weaned him off it a bit, but it’s a bit scary when we ourselves actually start paying attention to and watching the show…
Look away! Look away!!
Too funny! Love the purse one. Most days, my purse carries enough stuff so I could survive a minor apocalypse. I still carry spare little girl panties with me. And my kids are past that phase (mostly). Habits are hard to break.
hey. You never know when you’re gonna need a spare set of panties.
Oh, wait…
Bwahaha. Maybe on a wordbees weekend? No wait. We just needed spare robes. And wine.
#3 for me. I still go there to hide and my kids aren’t preschoolers anymore. Awesome stuff – they’re all true.
Sometimes it’s the only room with a lock. So, hey…I get it.
This brought me back a few years… 🙂
And I bet you’re glad they’re just memories, right? 🙂
Funny Stuff! You word B’s never fail to be amusing! Would either of youmind if I Reblogged this on my site? I am working on a vacation story and this would be a great lead into it. ~ my wife has nothing but reciepts and lolypop wrappers in her purse too. 🙁 Thanks!
Reblog away!
Blog it up!
#3. I go there even when I don’t have to “go” there.
There’s always a reason to ‘go’. 🙂
I don’t know…I think it’s sad and funny at the same time that so many of us think of the bathroom as our happy place…
As far as yelling the wrong name, I’ve come up with a cool combination of my twins names. That way they both respond and the I’ve covered my bases. 🙂
The other week, I hid in the bathroom at work. I needed a moment. No, I wasn’t teaching at that time. But I did text my husband.
I usually just yell “Hey” and all three of my kids will stop. And if we’re being honest, all three are usually doing something they should stop.
I took the storm trooper out of my purse last week. I decided it’s time.
It’s true. Sometimes I think I should have called one of my kids, “Hey.” That and it would have been handy to give them more middle names to pull out when appropriate…
These are all such great examples…and ring so TRUE! I especially love the purse one – it doesn’t seem to matter that my kids are getting older. It just changes the junk that’s in my bag, not the amount of it. Alas, there is never any $$ in there, either.
I laughed out loud at the “holler all four names” thing. Once, in the grocery store, I wanted Luke to stop running. Hollered, “Matthew…no, Mark….agh, LUKE!”
From the next aisle over came older male voices: “John!”
Followed by: “Polo!”
I was so busy laughing, Luke managed to tear down three aisles before he got tired and came back.
Liz, that’s awesome!
Also…I never have any $$ in mine either…:(
Now there’s a blog post you can write for me, Liz. (Or for you!)
I love it!!!! LOL!!
The purse one is my favorite – if one of my co-workers needs a band-aid, they come running to me. They have all sported Hello Kitty and Crayola band-aids at some point. Number 2 is a close second. I only have one child, and one cat, but have managed to address my daughter with our cat’s name. The whine just sounds so similar…
Karin, I LOVE that your co-workers get such fun band aids. It’s amazing what we have in our purses at any given time.
Love this post. My favorite one is the “retreat” in the bathroom.
I’ve been thinking of restyling my bathroom to create more of a ‘spa’ atmosphere for just such retreats. 🙂
I use the bathroom to retweet. My kids say things like, “Why are you taking your phone into the bathroom?” I tell them mommy needs an app.
Spit IS better than hairspray. And I read Elena’s SUGAR CRASH in two sittings. But I was in Aruba, and a girl has to go in the water once in a while. It was great!
I know, right!?
And…thanks Renee! 🙂
I like the spongebob one. You KNOW that you’ve lost it if HE’s funny!
Agreed. Definite sign to go on holiday. Talking yellow sponges should not be funny. Wait…yellow sponges shouldn’t talk…
I remember when my children were little and thinking I needed a vacation when I realized I was checking out the TV show host of their kids’ program. He wasn’t that cute; I just didn’t get out much or watch adult programs anymore!
#4 brings back a lot of memories for me! Great post, ladies.
Fabulous list! I’m not a mom, but even with just a husband, I can TOTALLY relate to this one (just replace “children” with “spouse”) – “When your children bring you breakfast in bed and all you can think about is if there is enough dishwashing soap to clean the mess they left in the kitchen.”
I’ve got to go with #10. The sleeves of my shirts were constantly stiff and crusty with snot. You knew it was cold and flu season when you tried to take your clothes off at night and they were stuck to your skin. This list is hysterical. I can relate to all of them. Thanks for the laugh!
#6 was totally me! It wasn’t often my husband was able to come home to a house in great shape, when he did he said, “Ah, I see today was a good day?” and he would get my eyeroll-look, know enough to kiss my cheek and leave me alone! At the time I thought I was the only one who ever felt that way. I wish you had been around to write Drawing Free in 1988! I’ve read almost all of your books, Elena, including Sugar Crash and highly recommend them!
Number 4 is too detailed to be made up! Random items in the purse – funny stuff. At that point, does one even care if people see the contents?!
These are great! The purse is definitely my biggest challenge. I often wonder when I will return to a stylish purse that is not the size of a diaper bag. My kids are 13, 11, 11…now they constantly hand me their stuff to throw in – “mom, can you put my ipod/DS/cell phone/granola bar etc in your purse”…also – due to a myriad of kid activities – must always have pencils, erasers, paper, calculator and protractor in my purse so that I can deal with the “but I can’t do my homework at the rink during sibling’s hockey practice…I don’t have a pencil/eraser/protractor”. Sadly, still no cash.
Oh man, #7 and #9. I get so incredibly excited when the grandparents take the kids for a couple days. It is unhealthy how excited I get! Bad mom. Bad.
And spongebob, gah! I’ll do that with a lot of the kids’ shows. I’ll realize that I am deeply invested in one of their programs, like Jake and the Neverland Pirates (how many gold doubloons will they get???), or constantly have to sing the opening refrain to Bubble Guppies (Bubble Bubble Bubble Guppies Guppies Guppies!!). I guess that one qualifies for #5 as well, huh?
Damn, I think I need a vacation. Sigh.
Great Post! Oh, the things I am missing out on, ha! Congrats on your 100th post by the way and all the success you’ve been having, you are a writing machine, Elena! 🙂
Reblogged this on OUR LIFE IN 3D and commented:
We were taking the time to look for vacation spots and quite coincidentally Leeanne, from Ironic Mom, and her friend Elena Aitken show me how much we need to create some urgency here! Thanks Leeanne and Elena! Check out their funny stuff at the Ironic Mom.
All of the above! I thought I was the only one, I feel so normal now. I have one to add: when you can catch every drop your kid vomits up with the plastic bag that is always in your purse ( five kids: one set of 5 year old twins, one angry teen, one preachy Mr. Perfect and one confused middle child)
This is awesome! Almost every single one spoke to me. We even went to see the Wiggles in concert several times we (they) loved them so much. Lost my kid at one of the concerts when he rushed a mod of toddlers and disappeared. Sigh – panic. Got him back! They are older now so that one doesn’t apply. Now, with my son’s Aspergers I am hearing heavily scored pieces time and time again while my daughter is pumping up a Barbie groove. Oh yeah. I SO feel most of these. 😀 I need a vacation.
Loved all ten on your list! And here’s my variation on #6: although my hubby was never able to judge my day by the state of the house (since it was always a mess), on certain days, the first thing he heard walking through the door was my voice saying, “Oh, there IS a GOD!!!” At this signal, my astute Sweetie would invariably ask if I needed a) chocolate, b) wine or c) a walk with a friend, and he would arrange for any or all the above, as necessary. Probably why we’re at anniversary #26 this year!