It’s dinner time. Vivian, a.k.a Princess Squirm-a-lot, is doing her pommel horse routine on her chair.
She hoofs me mid-performance, plops down facing me, and grins, all while chewing her burger.
I return her smile.
“Stop sitting sidesaddle,” I say.
Vivian looks down at her legs and back at me. “Mary sat sidesaddle.”
I scan the address book in my brain, searching for a woman named Mary who rode a horse.
Donkey. Manger. Virgin. Got it.
Then, without thinking, I say this:
Vivian shifts ninety degrees and asks for another glass of milk.
William, oblivious to the previous interaction, graciously reroutes the conversation when he tells us how fast a Peregrine Falcon flies when it swoops down on its prey.
*
It’s Whiteboard Wednesday, so I ask:
What bizarre things have you heard or said recently?
I was recently called to jury duty, and, to my dismay, was picked for a jury. The case was an assualt on a public servant; in this case, a police officer. The officer and his partner said several times “When we made the scene*…” I thought they only said this on TV cop shows. Turns out I was wrong.
*When we arrived at the location of the crime (Why not just say that?)
Really? Holy cop vernacular, Batman!
Yesterday, while very lovingly, gently, and kindly petting one of our ten-year-old dogs, my first grader says:
“When they die can we get a cat?”
Christmas is in the air!
Oh that’s funny!
Hilarious. Out of the mouth of a child…
I was reading “The Twelve Days of Christmas”, a book version, to the twins. So I was singing it. Ariel, completely seriously, tells me, “stop mama, no singing; it’s a book”.
I understand that. When I sing, my son puts his hands over his ears. I wish I were kidding.
They usually like my singing actually (I don’t know why) But apparently I’m not allowed to sing books.
If you survive the teenage years, you will cherish moments like these!
I like how you started your sentence with “if.” You know me well.
“Hey arrest these ladies! Yeah I would check their purses!”
Three men who grabbed my daughter and I by the arms joking when we set off the alarm at Target yesterday. I haven’t gotten that much attention in years! (It was my keyless pad for my car)
Were they handsome? 😉
This is totally something I would say!
Yesterday, Devin couldn’t find his shoes (his aunt and uncle were waiting to take him out to dinner). Jim said, “Here…wear my sneakers. You can make a fashion statement.”
My response: “Yeah…That would be ‘My dad’s not cool!’ ”
Have a wonderful Christmas, Leanne!
Wendy
You have to love a kid with quick wit…unless he’s your child. Then you have to love him regardless!
Thanks, Wendy. You too!
Thank you! Amen sister!! My husband sits sideways at the table, my son is half on his chair, half off of it, and my daughter kneels in this weird hunched over way. Why can’t we all sit properly??? I’m always like Miss Minchin in Little Princess correcting everyone.
The pommel horse bit is hilarious.
My daughter’s preferred position to eat from is squatting. On her chair. Sometimes she falls off, like an anvil drops from a cliff.
Glad I’m not alone!
I told my wife all the presents would be wrapped by tonight. Stupid! Not gonna happen! Haven’t started yet. I still have 3 more days! …and 3 more days of the evil eye! ….I better get started…
I mean “I’m stupid” not her!
Ha! That’s an important clarification… one that has me laughing. Happy wrapping, which is one big oxymoron to me.
All of the kids are now out of the house – as of three weeks ago. I now call for the puppy using one of the kids names *he’s says while walking out the door with no pants on*. Am I getting old, or early-onset??
When the kids were at home, I called them the dog’s name!
Yesterday, I put the milk in the pantry. So I think I have what you have (with the exception of kids who are out of the house!)
Hello! I am writing to inform you that I have nominated you for the Versatile Bloggers Award! I hope that you will accept this award and proceed to follow the rules found within and no one will get hurt.
http://mynameisnotchad.wordpress.com/2011/12/21/versatility-is-my-middle-name/
Keep up the good work. I love reading your stuff.
Thanks so much. I am both honoured and honored!
@mj monaghan; I got called the dog’s name but the thing was the dog was “passed on” by years…oh boy.
🙂
Ha! That’s great. In the past week I’ve said, “I love slews” (in response to someone saying they had a slew of things to tell me) and, “I love dichotomies and beheadings.” I should probably start rethinking the things I love.
I think I’m going to try to work “I love beheadings” into a conversation this Christmas. 🙂
Jules, I’m stealing “slews” as the plural of slew – even though it’s already plural!! Love it!
You’re my favorite 🙂
Thank you. Really.
Vivian is quick witted, like her momma. Watch out!
Just today I told my three-year-old he was a messy eater. He took offense and said, “I can’t help it food falls off my spoon.”
As we walked through my office building, Miss L suddenly shrieked, “Don’t put me upside down, Mommy!” For the record, I had no intention of putting her upside down. Is it possible that my two-year-old just wants to humiliate me?
I can’t get past the fact that you know how to spell “pommel horse”! *bows down*
ALWAYS a pleasure, Leanne! Great work!