In December 2009, prior to leaving on a trip to Arizona with our then five-year-old twins, I posted this piece. Now that it’s summer and many families are embarking on long flights or longer drives, I thought I’d post the piece again.
If you’re looking for new content, check out Vivian’s “meen” notes to her dad over at StuffKidsWrite.com.
Here are 5 Tips for Traveling with Children:
Tip 1: Don’t.
So what’s wrong with vacationing in your house? There’s nothing wrong with it, besides the fact that your kids want to kill each other and you’ve started to wax poetic about the lives of your childless friends. Take it from someone who took her twins on two round-trip, trans-Pacific flights before they were thirteen months old: don’t.
Tip 2: If you must travel, wait until your kids can complete the New York Times Crossword in ink.
And, unless your kid is Ben Pall – a 14-year-old who created a crossword that was published in the Times in November, then you’re safe for a few years. By the way, Pall could recite the alphabet at the age of two…backwards. Freak.
Tip 3: There’s only one button that matters: repeat play.
It doesn’t matter if your kid can recite all the words to Finding Nemo. After all, look at Ben Pall.
Tip 4: If you have a choice, travel before Christmas.
Your arsenal of discipline-techniques increases greatly if you can use Santa as a threat. Put him on speed dial. If you have to travel outside of December, throw out nutritional expectations and food pyramids. Candy makes a great second-level threat.
Tip 5: Seriously, don’t do it.
But if you do, bring earplugs.
What tips or memories do you have about traveling with children?
or as a child?
Photo credits (cc): KitAy, Rick Audet
UPDATE of Thing 1 & Thing 2’s Excellent Adventure: Both things are en route to Tennessee, where they will be hosted by the wonderful Jess Buttram. So far, more than 25 people (from 6 countries) have signed up to host Thing 1 & Thing 2. It’s not too late to add your name to the list. Just click the link above.
Mother Hen always likes the game where we see who can be quiet the longest.
I am going to play that.
I agree with “Don’t” in principle but then there’s the problem that I would actually like to do something other than stick to home going stir crazy – Totally agree with the bribery option. Mine usually also have to travel with camping kit stuffed all around them so’s they can’t move….. actually pretty good since they can’t throw things at each other or indulge in inter sibling torture. You know those cages you get to put across the back of station wagons for the dog….. gives me an idea.
Cages! Now you’re talking…
I learned something last summer during a four-hour flight from Montreal with a then-18-month old. This flight was characterized by 3.25 hours of turbulence and 3.75 hours of a screaming toddler. What I learned was this: parents should always fly with small bills for the cash bar.
When I flew home by myself for my dad’s 70th birthday, I was all excited. I was going to order a glass of wine and treat myself. It was Friday night. But I only put $5 in my pocket and the price was $6. I almost cried. The rest of my money was stuffed in an overhead bin and I was too polite in my window seat.
I thought @Susan was going to say small bills to hand out to nearby passengers!
LOL. That’s not a bad idea, actually.
@Tim C, I bet the people sitting around us wished they could get their money back.
Got a great chuckle out of this. Maybe “don’t” mostly applies to holiday times – which of course, is when most of us need to travel with kids?
(Actually, I traveled with kids for years. They get quite used to it – and it’s necessary if your family is overseas. Just bring good drugs. And ear plugs.)
Mine cope pretty well traveling, too. Well, except the time Vivian projectile vomited all over the rental vehicle, forever ruining the new car smell.
I have to say we’ve taken many trips with the kids; it does get easier (read: more electronically viable) as they get older. We used to have a rule for no game systems — yeah, no. They actually TALK in complete sentences when playing these games. It’s the most conversation I’ve had with my teenagers in months.
Deleted Rule #2: NO MUSIC other than the car radio. As long as they’re not singing to their MP3/iPod/Zune in competition, i’m fine. And the sanity I have now because I DON’T have to listen to Justin Bieber/Jonas Brothers/Katy Perry is worth the price of a personal music device any time, any where.
New Rule: We play this crazy game that combines “Slug Bug” (without the mutilation) with license plates. We spend most of any trip now shouting out “Yellow Car”, “Mini Cooper Red with Black Top convertible”, “Texas” “Audi Blue” in rapid succession. It’s actually quite fun. I trip them up (because that’s how I roll) by shouting out BUS! every now and then.
Yeah, road trips are not quiet in our vehicle, but then, the memories of the years where we argued, stopped at every rest-stop OR ice cream shop alogn the way are the best.
I don’t quite get the game, Paige, but I want to play it. I can yell…
My son was 4 before we ever took him on a plane, and it was to Disney World. Better than Santa in the incentive department. He wouldn’t dare call our bluff that we would cancel the trip and fly right back up if he misbehaved.
We try to stick to <5-hour roadtrips and tyrannical threats…like canceling Halloween or birthdays.
I’ll have to up the ante when I come visit you in TN. Now there’s a road trip!
Three kids in the backseet of a car. It wasn’t pretty. I think that’s why our vacations growing up were only a weekend long.
I just flashed back to my brother’s smelly feet on my lap. Eww!
Reminds me of that Ramones song, the one about being sedated. Someone needs a sedative in this situation. Maybe the kids, maybe the parents.
I feel like I had one when I was driving today. Needing some Ramones playing in the minivan…
So so funny – especially the part about the repeat play button.
I love repeat play…
haha! that is hilarious. kids hate plane flights too… all they want to do it be loud and run around- two things that are strictly prohibited by TSA.
It sounds like the third circle of hell, doesn’t it? Let’s put a bunch of people in a small area and add some crying kids and not feed anyone but run them over with trolleys…
Our weasels couldn’t believe their luck when the car we bought on arrival in Canada turned out to have a DVD player built in. Now the first question when we go ANYWHERE is “Can we watch something?” The “Only if we’re going to be on the road more than an hour” rule has been in place since day one, but they still ask EVERY TIME…
Hilarious. Our kids know it’s a highway thing. Or a go-garage-saling-with-Daddy thing.
It saved us today. 8 hours driving!
Not travel-related per se, but my wife and I turned our daughter’s (our precocious, extroverted, strong-willed little sweetie) door hand handle around so that it now locks from the outside. Trust me–this makes for much better nights. Just thought I’d throw that out there. (By the way, we use this discipline sparingly, but when we do, it’s with impunity).
By the way, you can read about some of my “adventures” with my daughter on Bryan Allain’s blog.
All the memories I have, are of other people’s children making all the transatlantic flights I took, a living hell !! Vengeance will be swift, once I have my own 🙂