You know when you’re at a party?
Me neither. I’m a mom.
Let’s start again.
Imagine you’re at a party where you don’t know any people. You’re working the crowd. You likely won’t see any of these people again so you’re free to fake your way through a job you don’t have.
What job would you choose?
I’ve thought about this too much.
Here are the top five job titles I’d love to fake my way through at a party:
- Motion Capture Actor: you know those people that get in skin tight suits and jump on trampolines so animators can capture their movements? OK. Me neither. But I can see myself drinking a couple of glasses of wine explaining it.
- Choreoanimator: I first learned about this job when watching Aaron Sorkin’s Sports Night. It’s a person who makes up dance sequences for cartoons. I can fake my way through that. I’ve seen Shrek. “Remember ‘Welcome to Dulac’? I was the choreoanimator behind that.”
- Obituary Writer: Because I read obituaries. And because it’s a job title that has a swear word hidden in it. Still, I could fake it: “James Gandolfini took me by surprise, but I had Elizabeth Taylor’s obit written a decade before she passed.”
- ‘Before’ Model: One who poses for the first part of the before-and-after photo? I could create outrage with conversation. “Yes, there really is such a thing. It’s a good gig. Of course, I only get paid half of what the thin models get…”
- Nail Polish Namer: “Well, Fighting Vixen was the last polish I named, but I have a new series coming out with Opi next month. My agent won’t allow me to talk about it, though; we signed a confidentiality agreement.”
Your turn:
What job title would you love to fake your way through?
Or, what would be a great nail polish colour?
Ha, ha, ha! This had me laughing out loud, girl. My job title would be that of stunt double, since as a mom I’m always bumping into things and getting bruises, sore knees, etc.
H-O-W-L-I-N-G over your signature humor hits, Leanne. …”.I can fake my way through that. I’ve seen Shrek.”
Okay
I suspect neither one of us attend the kind of party where this job would gather a crowd. But….
While
piddling away timeconducting book research on Google, I ran across a little known degree-like job acronym. That acronym? [Thanks for asking.]PHD.
I’m sure you want to maintain the General Audience Rating for your blog, so I will add one letter to the full word behind P. Those savvy enough to determine the extra letter and resultant word when that letter is removed are old enough to read the job title. [Kazoo trill, please.]
PHD = Public Hair Designer
There were named designs on the site I happened upon in error. In case the party-goers surprised me, I think flash cards with cartoon pics and design names would be a show-stopper.
I think I’d pick blogger as my imaginary job because I fantasize that someday an editor of something will discover my blog, recognize my brilliance and syndicate me for a huge sum of money.
I’m an ‘Google search eye-lid beta tester for their new Smartphone’! Here I am hard at work…http://ourlifein3d.com/?attachment_id=3932
Ha! Excellent. I always lean towards taxidermy. It, along with triangle-playing, are a constant source of amusement for me. I even have a taxidermy pen and business card that I swiped, to make myself look legit.
When my husband and my friend’s husband went to our highschool reunion with us they were going to tell everyone one was a hand model and the other was an astronaut. Men. I still love that Romy and Michele created Post It Notes.
You could just say I blog and write about other people for a living… half true. Except its your life and you are not getting paid. They don’t have to know that though. I always, always, always say I am a student in my actual selected field due in large part to the fact either
A. people do not ask any further because it can get kinda gross
or
B. they are infatuated and its an easy subject
*hint, hint*
I do not post this on my blog but I do something in the cutting people open category. So it tends to be a conversation starter.
I really would love the job of naming nail polish colors. When I get manicures I pick my polish based on the name. The last one was My Paprika is Hotter than Yours…. Love it!
Wouldn’t it be safer to choose a really, really boring job like accountant clerk or metallurgist so people will stop asking you any further and look for other subjects – I would get stuck to you as an Motion capture actor or as an Choreoanimator and ask you to death, begging you to dance some movements out of a barbie film or whatever 🙂 – it’ s SO interesting 😉
A voice actor…you know, the ones that do the answering machines for large corporations…that’s what I would fake. “In a WORLD”…wait, isn’t there a movie coming out about that??
“Before model” made me spit out my iced tea! 😉
My mother had a deadbeat job so during her 20th high school reunion, she told everyone she was a circus aerialist. Had a wonderful time explaining this.
Reblogged this on quirkywritingcorner and commented:
I loved this! I think I’d like to be a Nail Polish Namer. Second choice is the ‘Before’ Model
I loved this. I think I’d like to be the Nail Polish Namer; 2nd choice: the ‘Before’ model.
I reblogged it.
Thank you for a good laugh.
My fake job and my fantasy job are one and the same. Chocolate bar taste-tester.
My husband joked that his dream job would be working quality assurance for a breast surgeon.
Roaring. Great post, love your humour. 🙂
Well who knew? I will definitely have to try using one of these jobs, if of course, I get a social life.
Love the opening lines – haven’t been to a party since the early 90’s. Love the b/4 model idea. Along those lines If I had to choose a fake profession, I could go w/ a hands model (although my hands aren’t thin enough) or I’d like to be a CIA operative. I wouldn’t be able to talk about my work though b/c I’d be sworn to secrecy.
I used to have the exact opposite problem… For many years I worked as a Chair Umpire on the professional tennis tour. When I was home at parties, chatting with people I didn’t know, I used to lie and say I was a doing my PhD (I was actually a biologist. If I told them the truth, it would take over the party conversation and, when I wasn’t on the tour, the last thing I wanted to talk about was tennis players!
Haha, this is hilarious. I have no idea what I’d fake; it’s been so long since I’ve been at a party where it’s been relevant. I can always fall back on my classical music degree. That’s esoteric enough to be somewhat interesting for small talk.
Brilliant!
I really just enjoy saying “I’m a mom” and watching the other person trip all over their words trying not to be condescending.
When I was in my twenties, definitely pre-kids, I used to go to parties and when asked that question I would answer, totally deadpan: “I work at a sperm bank”. I loved the blank stares in people’s faces! Gave me a great laugh every time. Sometimes I’d string them along for a while, usually in me being the administrator or receptionist, so not in direct contact with the sperm uhm situation. Sometimes I would forget to say it wasn’t true and at another people someone would introduce me as “this is C and she works at a sperm bank”. ha!