It’s Search Ironic Mom – that time when I pull up actual phrases that weird people have searched to get to my blog – and attempt to answer them.
Today’s Search Ironic Mom question concerns poultry, of the recently dead variety.
Dear Dead Chicken Guy:
I don’t have 100 things for you (I had to cook a dead chicken for dinner so I ran out of time), but I did come up with eleven. I’m sure my readers will add another 89 things to do with a dead chicken in the comments section.
In the meantime, with apologies to both the San Diego Chicken and Chicken Little, here are 11 things to do with a dead chicken:
- Use it as pillow stuffing for unwanted guests
- Create a low budget pinata (warning: this is a craft)
- Take it for show and tell … at your workplace
- Use it as a smelly paperweight
- Hang it from your rearview mirror
- Paint it yellow and call it a grapefruit
- Carry it with you as a visual aid for the Why-Did-the-Chicken-Cross-the-Road joke
- Dress it up like Justin Bieber, videotape it, and upload to YouTube
- Use it as ammo for your dead chicken cannon
- Put webbed feet on it and call it a duck
- Blog about it
Good luck!
Regards,
Ironic Mom
*
Your turn: What else can you do with a dead chicken?
You could have it stuffed, place it on your couch, and introduce everyone who comes to your house to your “Feathered Friend, George.”
I love that idea, though I suspect I’d get even fewer visitors than I do now….
Hang it on your door to avoid unwanted guests or attract flies, as needed
Sell it to someone in need
Play dodgeball
Love the dodgeball idea. Note to self: don’t invite friend who works for SPCA.
Use it as a pin cushion. Take some nice heavy cord and tie it to the legs, sling it over your shoulder and use it as a purse.
Draw a face on it, put it on your husband’s pillow when he doesn’t load the dishwasher properly. Oh, now I’m getting personal….
Bwahaha. Now I’m curious what an improperly loaded dishwasher looks like. Post a photo?
Use it to play Wilson in your basement reenactment of “Castaway.”
Brilliant. I couldn’t stand that movie. A dead chicken might have livened it up a bit.
In Argentina they used to use a live duck inside a basket to play their national sport, called “Pato”. According to wikipedia, Pato “is a game played on horseback that combines elements from polo and basketball.” In the meantime they use a leather ball with handles on it. But a dead chicken could also do the trick.
Love that cultural tidbit. Now I’m curious. Was the duck still alive at the end? Is “tossed duck” a specialty?
Use it as time out punishment. “if you can’t share with your brother you’ll have a time out with the dead chicken”.
Ramp up the time out threat. Brilliant.
Add a squeaker and it’s a dog toy.
Add a stick and it’s a dust mop.
Ha!
Re: #7 Visual aid for chicken-crossing-the-road joke:
More like a visual aid for “why the chicken should NOT have crossed the road” – LOL!
Happy New Year!
Too true!
I love this! You do have the best search engines. My favorite idea is the visual aid for the Why did the chicken cross the road joke.
P.S. Why did the bubblegum cross the road?…Because it was stuck to the chicken’s foot. 😉
Ha. I think that joke could go on forever…
So funny. I love the husband’s pillow one. I might hang it on the bedroom door to stop little night time wanderers entering.
Clever. Although that just may entice my twins to enter with greater frequency…
Beat it and then say, “See? You can’t beat a dead chicken either.”
I love your lateral thinking…
Eat it. Is that too obvious?
With some chipotle, perhaps?
Teach it how to “dismount the banister” and you can kill two searched birds.
(No pun intended.)
Ha. And to kill three searched birds, you could use it as a bookmark in Diana Gabaldon’s latest.
Hire a medium and ascertain how the chicken lived its life. If it produced nutritious eggs, give it an honorable burial. If it spent its life mocking other farm animals, put it to work vacuuming the carpet (for eternity).
I like how you think. Cause and effect!
Mail it to Clay at the same time that you mail him an egg in a separate package, then email him every hour to ask him which came first.
Haha, funny Larry. I think for symmetry sake it would have to be a rotten egg though.
There is the customs thing, Larry. Do you think we could the dead chicken to Clay?
Oh vey! Why would we waste a good soup chicken. 😉 Soup, soup beautiful soup.
So either boil it or paint its toenails and take it out on the town for a night of dancing.
Renzay – of course you’d take it dancing! Just not the chicken dance…
“Paint it yellow and call it a grapefruit”…LMAO. By far, the greatest suggestion for a dead chicken, ever.
Thanks. The surreal suggestion of the bunch…
Create a real life game called Dead Angry Birds.
Clay Morgan for the pop culture win!
Dead angry birds Hahahahaha my favorite this far
Take it to Kentucky Fried Chicken and attempt a trade?
Lovely. I’ll just eat their gravy as soup.
The only thing worth doing with a dead chicken is to make chicken-n-dumplins out of it.
Make it a talking headless chicken (craft warning!) Peel one of those recording chips out a f funny greeting card – tape it under the chickens wing. When you move the wing to wave to your kids class mates, the chicken will sing the theme song to Giligans Island, Or if you saved a Halloween card, may cackle and screech like a miserable old witch. Or bark like a dog.This approach will be educational because….because…uh…
A dead chicken?
Pluck the feathers and use them to adorn shoes? 🙂
Funny… people come to my site searching on “French men.” Go figure.
Definitely partial to painting it yellow and calling it a grapefruit. That’s genius. You get protein and vitamin C all at once.
This is all too funny but frankly I’m distracted by the fact that Diana Gabaldon is a search item for your blog. I do love the Outlander series!
OK – that certainly beats my sex search terms! 😆
Not once have been asked about dead chickens. Lamb gravy, yes, but not dead chickens.
Your No 8 sounds like a reasonable use! 😆