I’ve written before about kids’ eating habits, including heads on plates and chewing etiquette. No doubt I’ll write about this again, because it’s a work in progress.
Until then, I’ll gripe publicly.
Someday, I’d like to get through a meal without instructing my kids on table manners, but that seems as likely as baking chocolate chip cookies without eating some batter.
The other day, I watched Vivian get into her favourite dinner posture: chair far from table, knees bent and near chin, feet on seat. This position optimizes her ratio of crumbs-on-floor to crumbs-on-table.
I flash-forwarded to her sitting like this at a job interview. I sat stunned for a moment, and then I opened my own mouth to harp. Yes, I believe I was still chewing. I said this:
God help us all. No doubt this photo will be Exhibit 109 in the case of Thing One and Thing Two versus Ironic Mom.
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Any stories about table manners? Any food-related pet peeves?
It sounds, at least, like your child is IN the chair. So you’re one up on me on that one.
True. Though she uses the chair as pommel horse practice.
“This position optimizes her ratio of crumbs-on-floor to crumbs-on-table.” And that’s what it’s all about. Slim sits like that, too, as I just stare at him and watch as a third of every bite falls to the wayside. The clatter from Tax Credit #4 tossing his entire plate to the floor usually breaks me from that trance.
All we know is pet-peeves about eating.
Thanks for the WW.
LOL. Tax Credit #4 breaks the tension (or something like that)…
“Someday, I’d like to get through a meal without instructing my kids on table manners”….Good luck with this one. Typical dinner table “conversation” with the 17 and 12 yo goes something like this… “stop singing at the table. Please eat what’s on your plate. No you may not have more xxx until your xxx is eaten off your plate. Please stop poking your brother. Stop kicking your brother. Do you have to cut your meat up into dna-sized pieces before eating them??” At this rate they’ll never get married…
Your kids cut their own meat? Well, I can dream…
“At this rate they’ll never get married…”
Ah, I remember years ago when my oldest brother announced he was getting married … he was 26 at the time, working but living at home … my mother later told me one of her first thoughts was “Wait, he can’t get married yet, I haven’t finished teaching him table manners”. And yes, she’d been working at it since we were all small.
I recently discovered your site from reading about it in the Queen’s Review and I’m glad I did.
Thanks for taking the trip from Queen’s Alumni Review. Shall I assume you’ve done a few Oil Thighs in your lifetime?
I love your mom’s thought process; I can totally see me thinking that.
Seriously, where do I START (and for the record, my kid is ELEVEN and can’t get it right)?!?!?! Why can’t he just take a bite of the bread rather than tearing it apart and crumbing the whole damned table? My husband gives Noah a fork AND a spoon to help him scoop the food up if needed. Still can’t get it right. And chewing with his mouth open? I’ve stopped caring anymore.
The encouraging part of your comment: I know I’m not alone.
The discouraging part of your comment: It’s not going to end, is it…
My daughter is very well behaved at the table in terms of eating slowly, being sociable and not attempting to run away as a lot of children her age do. However, she is THE messiest of eaters and despite being able to use knives, forks and spoons much prefers fingers and entire fists. She still wears bibs, English giant sized ones as without them her clothes would be destroyed.
Some days, I think I could use a bib…
I’ve had my son eat shirtless for certain meals (i.e. anything with tomato sauce). My whiteboard moment? “Were you raised in a BARN when I wasn’t LOOKING?” Mother of the year fail.