Bizarre Baby Names

It all started off innocently enough. William had brought home a school library book entitled, A Porcupine Named Fluffy. This is a picture book that we used to own, but my twins have a Bachelors of Loving Things To Death and a Masters in Destroying Anything Else. Given their two advanced degrees, I had recycled the remaining pages of this dear book a year ago.

William has a penchant for things familiar. Even at age five, he still enjoys watching the Baby Einstein DVD on occasion. I liken it to my affinity for Kraft Dinner: I know I’m beyond it, but sometimes it reminds me of easier days.

So, there I was, reading A Porcupine Named Fluffy, seated cross-legged on the couch with a twin under each armpit. Rereading this once-favourite was a trip down memory lane for all of us, and the conversation about the protagonist, a female porcupine, continued even after I got up to unpack the dregs of Vivian and William’s school lunches.

“I think they should name the porcupine Prickly,” William said.

“No,” Vivian said, “they should name it Prick.”

“Prick’s not a girl’s name,” Will replied.

Nope, definitely not, I thought, scraping mushy apple core from the inside of Vivian’s lunch bag.

Later that day, I picked up the newspaper and read an article about the top baby names of 2009, at least according the vital statistics branch of my province, Alberta. William, my son’s name, ranks 9^th overall, as 197 Albertan boys were given that name last year. Vivian is more unique, with fewer than 20 babies sharing that name. Interestingly, more than two times as many girls were named Kennedy, possibly demonstrating that Alberta just might be the 51^st State.

But neither Kennedy nor Vivian are unique monikers. You want unique? Try these for girls: Peanut, Epic, Fyre, Mischiefs, Twinkle, Comfort.

And for boys? Bison, Chaos, Whip, Mystery, Draco, and – for all you NHL fans out there – Ericlindross (yes, one word).

After reading the lists of bizarre names, I’m starting to think that Prick is sounding pretty good.