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Disastrous School Lunches

For many parents, the month of June heralds the end of school lunches. For me, this means the Hallelujah Chorus plays on a repeat loop in my head. It’s a glorious time not to have to scour the pantry, only to come up with cans of chick peas, as Elena Aitken joked about this week.

The countdown is on: I have only three more days of packing lunches for my twins.

And then I have freedom…from stuffing half a dozen reusable containers into reusable lunch bags.

Disastrous School Lunches is in the theme of my column in The Calgary Herald today. Please click and read, “Lunchbox Confessions.”

Then come back here and comment. I am wondering what crazy things did you have in your lunch when you were a kid? What crazy things have you packed in your kids’ lunches?

Finally, tune in tomorrow for an exciting update about Thing 1 and Thing 2 that could involve you. But first, click over to Kelly K’s blog and see a lovely photo gallery of the two things, in all their blue haired glory.

Filed Under: On the Move Tagged With: Dances with Chaos, humor, Kelly K, Leanne Shirtliffe, parenting, school lunches, Thing 1 and Thing 2, twins

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. susan says

    June 23, 2011 at 7:54 am

    haha, i am totally counting down the lunches, and have been for a few weeks! can’t WAIT. HALLELUJAH!
    I remember those juice ‘bags’ that you could blow up with air after you were done and then jump on it for the ‘big’ explosion.
    Also, it was always better when my dad had to make my lunch!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 23, 2011 at 11:43 am

      Juice bag pops. How fun. I remember kids doing that with chip bags. I remember impressing (?) kids that I could slice open a bag of chips (Old Dutch) with my teeth. Don’t tell my dentist.

      3 more days of packed lunches!

      Reply
  2. accidentalstepmom says

    June 23, 2011 at 7:55 am

    First: The only newspaper I ever read is the Calgary Herald via your links, and I’m not even Canadian.
    My favorite story was the Jack Daniels one. I very briefly attempted litterless lunches. I wrote a post about the water bottle part of that: http://wp.me/p1mP7U-l5
    My kids resist things like fruit cups because using a spoon is “too much work”. We have sent peanut butter and told them to eat alone and hide it from the lunch lady. I’ve sent them with just cookies when we’re out of lunch meat.
    I do love the empty ice cream cone trick though. Too bad we never have any left over after they open the box.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 23, 2011 at 11:46 am

      Ahh. Water bottles. As we speak, my son hasn’t brought his home from school in 3 days. I think I might try you trick of sending a cup. Sigh.

      And I love the idea of sending pb and telling them to eat alone. Hilarious!

      Reply
  3. Evelynn Starr says

    June 23, 2011 at 7:56 am

    packaged cheese and crackers. i think in the meantime those have been declared radioactive.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 23, 2011 at 11:47 am

      The plastic or the cheese? Wait, there’s not really a difference, is there?

      Reply
  4. Alexandra says

    June 23, 2011 at 7:57 am

    Oh, I wrote a post at TikiTiki Blog about trying without any success at all to hide my ethnicity when my lunches BLARED it out.

    Pineapple and cream cheese sandwiches, anyone, with a topping of pureed papaya?

    Don’t mind if I indulge in the tropical medley, at all.

    Cute picture here, so cute.

    Reply
  5. Alexandra says

    June 23, 2011 at 8:01 am

    Couldn’t see how to comment at the Herald article..I LOVED it.

    Tweeted it out, esp loved the ham sandwich with a bottle of Jack.

    xo

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 23, 2011 at 1:05 pm

      Thanks for tweeting it. The Herald doesn’t leave an opportunity for comments on my columns…not sure why. Thanks for the shout out, though.

      Ethnicity and lunches. Yes. I can only imagine. I think Amy Tan (or someone else who was in an anthology with Amy Tan) wrote a short story about that. I used to teach it. When I still had a brain that worked (maybe I can blame 13 years of processed meat on that lapse!)

      Reply
  6. melsar93 says

    June 23, 2011 at 8:02 am

    My last year of high school was spent in Tokyo, Japan. My dad was in the Air force, but we lived off base and I went to the American school with a hodge-podge of Ex-pats kids. I was one of the few kids with access to the military base commissary so the lunches I packed (with the great stuff my mom bought) were the envy of the school. I could trade for anything I wanted because I had something no one else could get – Pop Tarts.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 23, 2011 at 1:11 pm

      Wow. You had expat currency! Even when I lived in Bahrain, when someone came with something you couldn’t get there (I’ll be Canadian here: Clamato Juice/Crispy Crunch), it would be reason for a party or at least envy. Even if you didn’t ever purchase that stuff at home, it was still a prize overseas. And Pop Tarts. My friend used to have those. I was one of those farm kids who didn’t know there were things like “pancake mix” until I was in college.

      Reply
  7. firstnationbooks says

    June 23, 2011 at 8:19 am

    I couldn’t find my 8 yr olds’ good thermos and I scrounged through the cupboards and told her I would send her ravioli for lunch. She was horrified because she thought I was going to send it with her in a ziplock baggie! But of course, I didn’t… yet….

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 23, 2011 at 1:14 pm

      Ziplock baggie: brilliant! My kids frequently eat their yogurt with their tongue or dipping in their cheese stick because I forget to include a spoon.

      And I love your use of “yet.”

      Reply
  8. thoughtsappear says

    June 23, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Nice article! My mom once made me a sandwich with just mayo and lettuce. Nasty.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 23, 2011 at 1:15 pm

      Was it iceberg lettuce? You know, the stuff that is the nutritional equivalent of cardboard?

      Reply
  9. Annie says

    June 23, 2011 at 10:10 am

    The end of school lunches for me means a sink full of three times the dishes…and cups…and food preparation items. Sigh. I was just complaining about this to a friend before reading your blog. But I agree, packing lunches gets old! I always tried to do it the night before but there were many nights that didn’t happen.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 23, 2011 at 1:16 pm

      Good point. But I spend July with my parents, so it’s their sink that gets full…

      And I always pack lunches the night before. I’m a mess in the morning.

      Reply
  10. journeytoepiphany says

    June 23, 2011 at 11:57 am

    When I grow up, I want to write just like you. I hate lunch. Even for myself. Especially right now, because I’m on a very restrictive diet. I can’t eat wheat, soy, oats, corn, rye and only a little rice. What else is there?

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 23, 2011 at 1:18 pm

      Yikes. Quinoa for everything then? I mean, the stuff’s good, but that’s quite a list.

      And you’re way too nice. Thanks for that.

      Reply
  11. Rob Shepherd says

    June 23, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    I bought school lunch most days. I did know a girl who ate peanut butter and mayo sandwhiches. Gross!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 23, 2011 at 1:19 pm

      I think someone needs to do a Weird Peanut Butter Combinations post. My dad used to eat peanut butter and salt. Thank goodness low blood pressure runs in our family.

      Reply
  12. Keenie Beanie says

    June 23, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    I pack my own lunch every day for work, and thank goodness PB&J sandwiches aren’t yet banned from here too, ‘cuz I’m not sure what else I’d eat!

    Your excellent column reminded me of my own elementary school lunches. Our school had no cafeteria but prepacked lunches were shipped in, providing both a hot pack (mystery meat casserole) and a cold pack (pudding or fruit cup) to comprise a square meal. Oh, how I envied those children who were lucky enough to bring a pack lunch to school, with their yummy sandwiches and potato chips and their Hostess Ho-Hos.

    But after reading the examples you provided, and reflecting on my own mother’s draconian rules about junk food, I probably should consider myself lucky.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 23, 2011 at 1:31 pm

      Three comments:
      -I’ve never heard of hot lunches shipped in (but I’m Canadian, which explains a lot of things)
      -Ho-Hos always make me laugh (and I’ve never had one).
      -I forgot my third one. Sigh.

      Reply
  13. K.B. Owen says

    June 23, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    Last Sunday night, I did the happy dance, because it was the last lunch I was packing for the school year! It’s hard to have variety, esp. if special containers are involved (soup, mac and cheese, which both have to stay hot, and then sometimes they don’t close it up very well, and it’s a big mess). I can’t tell you how many tuna pouches I threw in (yep, they like plain tuna, but got pretty sick of it after a while, poor guys).

    The drink, salty snack and dessert were easy (I got the prepackaged bundles); but the fruit (which I tried to put in every day to assuage mommy guilt) and main part (sandwich, meat, cheese) were harder. Lunch meat and fruit don’t keep for long, and I detest food shopping.

    And then, there’s the issue of what they will actually EAT. My fifteen yr old and I kept passing back and forth the same applesauce cup for weeks: he would bring it back untouched, I would pack it AGAIN, hoping he’d just get too hungry to pass it by, or somehow accidentally eat it while he was chatting with someone. With him, I didn’t need a 6-pk of applesauce cups: 1 would do!

    I think it’s still in my fridge: anyone hungry? 🙂

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 23, 2011 at 6:02 pm

      The apple sauce hand off. I love that. That is too funny. I once went through a save-money-do-it-naturally phase where I made my own “gummy squares”! Then I started writing. Umm, yup. Pass the prepackaged stuff, please!

      Reply
  14. educlaytion says

    June 23, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    Read your piece in the Herald. Well done and funny! My lunches consisted of a lot of PB & Js and still do really. I also remember lots of salami sandwiches. And oatmeal cookies, the processed kind.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 23, 2011 at 9:54 pm

      I think PB is the perfect food. I mean really.

      Reply
  15. Hi, I'm Natalie. says

    June 23, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    Smoked oysters. Best. Lunch. Ever. Also, deadly easy to pack. AND I didn’t have to worry about people stealing my lunch. (Seriously. Go to Costco. They come in packs on ten cans. It’s magical.)

    The thermos of water one made me laugh… And now my husband thinks I’m ever weirder than he already did. And the JD one? I just cried.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 23, 2011 at 9:54 pm

      You’d get along well with my husband. Well, maybe. Or you’d steal each other’s lunches. Costco and I, however, have issues.

      Reply
  16. Kim says

    June 23, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    I thought I was the only one who despised making lunches! LOL I love summer!!! When I was a kid, all the “cool kids” got Cokes in their lunches… wrapped in foil. My mom would never sent me a foil wrapped Coke, no matter how much I begged… and I guess I ruined the entire 3rd grade year for Daniel but sending him a tortilla w/ peanut butter and jelly rolled up like a burrito.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 23, 2011 at 9:55 pm

      Coke wrapped in foil? Wow. If those kids attached some wires, they might be able to pick up ham radio.

      I send jam rolled up like a burrito. Uh oh. Is that bad? 😉

      Reply
      • Kim says

        June 24, 2011 at 7:58 am

        He told me that alllll the kids in school made fun of him for weeeeeeks. Which probably roughly translates to, maybe…. 2 or 3 kids in his clas said “Ew, that’s weird” the day he brought it.

        Reply
  17. Diana Trautwein says

    June 24, 2011 at 12:04 am

    Okay, you haven’t lived until you’ve had a deviled ham sandwich. OR mashed up olive spread (and it was not tapenade). An actual personal favorite of mine was Kraft’s olive pimento spread on white bread. No, really. My mom, dear as she is, was nothing if not creative. And those sandwiches (and any other cut up anything) were also always wrapped in waxed paper. Now my kids are packing their kids’ lunches and it’s tough! NO peanut butter – how is that possible?? and only recyclable containers – no foil/baggies/waxed paper allowed. That makes a tough job even tougher. I hated, hated HATED packing lunches and as soon as my kids were about 10, I made sure there were lots of optional lunch options on hand (well, most of the time) and they learned to pack their own. Whew.

    Reply
  18. Mean Mom says

    June 24, 2011 at 3:55 am

    Thru 9th grade, I went home for lunch, and with only 20 minutes that meant – run home like crazy, wolf down a way too hot dinner meal (because my dad went to work at 1pm so dinner was served at lunch time), run back to school, feel like tossing my cookies for the next hour – fun and games. My parents gave me school lunch money for High School (it was 3 miles away, thank God!) which I promptly spent on cigarettes and chocolate shakes. As for my kids, my dear husband made their lunches til they were old enough (10 or so) to pack their own or talk us into paying for “hot” lunch at school – probably so they could smoke and drink shakes! ;P
    P.S. I LOVE pb and Miracle Whip sandwiches or pb and any kind of sliced pickle. (Just about died laughing at your lunch descriptions!)

    Reply
  19. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson says

    June 24, 2011 at 8:08 am

    I have to tell you that once (and only once) my mother sent me to school with my daily plain bagel and creamcheese and some kind of red drink that tasted the way blood smells.

    After that day, I swiped “an emergency dime” off my father’s dresser. I couldn’t risk it. If there was something red in my lunch, I bought milk — which, by the way, I abhor.

    Great post! Off to read the other. 😉

    Reply
  20. The Hook says

    June 24, 2011 at 11:15 am

    I can’t remember my school lunches! Maybe they were spiked…

    Reply
  21. y3max says

    June 26, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    I hate school lunches!

    Reply
  22. Sandra S. says

    June 27, 2011 at 10:38 am

    I always wondered what fool would pay $4.99 for a tiny package of raspberries in the dead of winter. I became that fool when I had my son. Can’t describe the look on my face when I unpack his lunch and find the raspberries untouched.

    Reply
  23. writerwoman61 says

    July 1, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    I loved the Jack Daniels story too…that would have been an awkward phone call to be on the end of!

    I hate, hate, hate making lunches! I stopped making them for the kids years ago, although I still do it for Jim and I! We found out recently that one of the girls was packing five or six cookies in her lunch, and trading them for other stuff! I wondered why cookies were disappearing so quickly…

    You had shaved ham? I had bologna with ketchup…every single day (I don’t eat bologna any more, except fried), fruit (usually an apple or banana), and cookies (always homemade – not cool ones like Oreos or something!). I always resented that my mom never bought Wagon Wheels to put in my lunch (they’re half the size now!). I remember eating a chocolate Half Moon and a chocolate milk for lunch every day of Grade 11…I had my own money by then (and was skinny as a rail)!

    Fun post, Leanne!

    Wendy

    Reply
  24. jamie says

    July 25, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    I don’t have kids yet but I do have to say I remember one of the worst lunches ever packed in the history or mankind for a 7th grade little girl (me). My dad had been assigned to the job of Mr. Mom when he was laid off of work two weeks before my birthday. Mom was leaving early for work and didn’t have time to get three school aged kids and two toddlers up and also get herself ready and pack a nutritious meal for the three older ones. My Father aptly jumped to help Mom out and with packing lunches. My dad usually packed what any normal man would pack…food that he liked. As he did for us. Normally this would include Turkey or Ham sandwiches with onions. But then slowly the sandwiches started to change to Bologna or Bologna with cheese. The worst lunch came with embarrassment as I opened my lunch and smelled something rotten. All the girls around me made a fuss about my stinky lunch. i raised my hand for the teacher to come over to our table. She could smell it before one of the girls loudly proclaimed that I had the stinkiest lunch out there. I told the teacher that i thought my lunch was spoiled and that I couldn’t eat today. My teacher unwrapped my sandwich to discover that the meat was Liverwurst topped with Dijon mustard and purple onions. She bought me salad bar that day.

    Reply

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