Fair Is Fair: Funny Moments with William

Most twin parents are hypersensitive to the issue of fairness. The phrase “equal but different” has become a silent household philosophy. Since Vivian had her day in the sun last blog, I thought I’d share some William-isms from the past few weeks.

He SAID what?

• “Mom, I just need some alone time.” Interpretation: I want to play computer games, so go away.

• “What happens if an astronaut lands in our backyard?” I’m open to answers on that one.

• “We’ll just play one long game of eye spy.” William’s solution to any line-up.

• “Aaaahhhh, Shuddup.” Nothing like quoting Bugs Bunny to get your mother’s attention. I don’t even let my Junior High students say shut up, which is proof that teachers sometimes make lousy parents: they’re too tired of disciplining to do any when they get home.

• “Like a light bulb.” William figured out the unofficial echo in the song, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” He was on repeat play. In January.

• “I’m sorry, Mom. I forgot to wake you up.” These were William’s words after I found him sleeping beside a massive pool of vomit.

• “I’m trying to be brave.” With tears rolling down his cheeks, William faced the fact that two pieces of his newly-constructed, 8000-piece Lego car had fallen down the register.

• “Do you know what Backyardigans’ is my favourite?” Be prepared for a 20-minute spiel following this question.

• “Can I talk to you, Mom? In the time out chair?” Parenting Tip: always make the time out chair the comfiest seat in the house.

He DID what?

• He sang along with the Mini-Pops, even after the commercial was over. Isn’t this a crime? Isn’t singing Toto at any age a crime?

• He convinced his sister to do his homework for him. They’re in Kindergarten.

• He gently stroked my hair. An hour prior to this he bit his sister. Either he’s a captive monkey or he’s five.

• He named his handcrafted snowman Snowpoke.

• William refrained from eating candy that he found on the floor of abookstore, but he happily sucked on the Thomas bridge in a high traffic play area.

• While in Arizona, he fell off the golf cart onto the road. When I looked back, he was brushing gravel out of his hands.

• He staged a sit-in on our living room floor wearing only underwear. He was protesting going to swimming lessons. My husband said, “He looks like Gandhi.” Good luck with passive resistance in this household.

• And, earlier this evening, in a competitive game of dress-up, Vivian nearly poked him in the eye with her plastic sword.So he punched her in the nose with a dress-up fist, one from The Fantastic Four. Upon impact, the fist announced, “It’s clobberin’ time.” Well, Vivian got clobbered. William did run upstairs to retrieve one of her favourite stuffed animals. In the end, however, Vivian used the stuffy to console William because he was upset that he had clobbered her.

And there you have it, three weeks of William-isms.

Fairness restored.