I just attended a four-day teaching conference in Orlando, Florida. I took my husband with me, because I’m that kind of wife.
I left my eight-year-old twins with my mom and dad, because I’m that kind of daughter.
I didn’t tell Vivian and William that the conference was in Disney, because I’m that kind of mother.
~
Yesterday I returned from a full-day session on teaching pre-reading strategies to students. The class was run by a teacher who’d taught Adrien Brody, a now-famous ac-teur. When she told us that trivia, I nodded like I could picture Mr. Brody. Then she said he was in The Pianist, but I thought she said The Penis. I visualized, just not the right thing.
While I was imagining Adrien Brody’s body parts, my husband was chasing gators–specifically a mom and a baby alligator–and managing to avoid falling out of the boat.
My husband went on to tell me of his adventure trying to find a place to shoot a gun. After following someone’s directions for ten miles, he pulled into a big lot and approached a stern woman in uniform. He asked her where he could fire an Uzi. She replied, “No place around here, but I’ll tell you where.” After writing down the directions, he drove out. And saw the barbed wire fence. He was on the grounds of a prison and had just spoken to a prison guard.
It was amazing that we weren’t arrested in The Sunshine State, especially since we spent five hours with the fabulous Tamara Lunardo and her husband. There were no prison guards, but Tamara and I did imbibe some wine and get handsy. I can tell you this: I love all of her bits to bits. And I’d adopt all five of her children if I could manage to care for the two I already have.
There’s more, including a video that my husband shot of Tamara and me (without us knowing), but what happens in Florida stays in Florida.
Except for the Krispy Kreme hats.
~
Share your own naughty bits below.
Have you ever ‘almost’ gotten into trouble with the law? Or a prison guard?
Have you ever been lost?
Uh, you can remove the “almost” from the sentence and you got it.
Lost? Oh heck yes! One time I took a wrong turn while heading to Boston. Before I knew it, I was back in Baltimore.
Sigh. No joke. Really.
Looks like it was a blast! I’m heading to Florida soon, but all the kids are going.
No, but my husband Danny has a good one.
He was coming back from a pajama party and accidentally drove into an heavily protected military base.They were on high alert at the time. He had to get out of the car while they searched it and explain why he was wearing shorty pajamas. It was all very embarrassing!
ROFL!
You should have seen the pajamas! Short shorts and all!
Too bad there’s no Youtube video of that. Hello, viral.
You’re welcome back but you can keep your husband in prison. Tell him I’ve got his back and I’ll take care of his table at the flea market!
I bellowed when I read him your comment, Rick.
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Krispy Kreme hats?! Are you going to post a pic?
That’s easier than posting the video…
WOW! You look like 10 years younger than you normally do. This life of a writer agrees with you; maybe it’s just summer without school, though.
Have fun and make sure you enjoy Disney.
Kind of missed the Disney experience, but the food rocked. As for looking younger, normally teens add years to me life. You know that…
Fun post! I was almost arrested for sneaking behind stage at a Better Midler concert and perhaps should have been for climbing up and touching the Hollywood Sign. Wait, I didn’t do that. Was totally just a dream. Yeah…
Oh, what stories. I sense a blog here, August.
Still jealous you and Tamara got to hang out. Though, still mostly happy for your sakes that you got to. Since Tamara has already experienced my Southern hospitality, that means your next conference needs to be in Nashville. I don’t know where the closest prison is but I’m sure hijinks will ensue regardless.
Ha. We can just drop my DH off at the prison… and go for fried pickles.
Like Leigh, I’m a bit jealous. Two of my favorite bloggers together. Next year, you both need to come to DFW Conference. You can meet a bunch of wonderful people – like Piper and Jenny and Jill lots of other fantastic people. I think I’ll include me, just in case no one else thinks of it.
I’d love to hit that conference. Maybe in 2014 or 15…as a speaker? I can dream.
I NEVER get lost, I just take the scenic route…wherever I go…all the time…if you’re travelling in my car it’s a good idea to bring extra food and water. 🙂
Brillant metaphor, Marlene.
I live in South Florida and we are always sneaking up to Disney for a weekend away from the kids. 🙂
That’s worth risking arrest for. 😉
I have not almost been imprisoned, but I too just returned from a DisneyWorld trip having left my four-year-old daughter at home. My husband and I looked far happier than the suckers who brought their children with them. 🙂
Somehow I can see him on all those rides…
Lost is my default setting. As far as getting in trouble, um yeah. I almost got arrested in New Orleans for “rolling through a stop sign.” Which I did not do.
Happy you guys met. Sad I missed you as I was there two weeks ago. But you know. I was on serious business. No time for getting handsy. Probably. 😉
We will meet yet. Some things are certainties.
This is, like, totally awesome. You’re both so hot. And hot writers, rockin’ the bracelets and the bits. Love it.
Looks like you gals had a ton of fun! There is something about the Florida sunshine and balmy air that brings out a bit of the wild child in everyone. One of the reasons I live here 😉
Oh my, you two plus wine plus video camera plus FORK IT OVER!
The prison story is unbelievable. But if your hub shared that video to prove he’s not in jail maybe I would believe it.
Did I mention we all want to see the video?
Yes. Umm. It’s on my husband’s phone. He didn’t always focus on our faces, either…
If you’re ever in the Orlando area again, give me a shout. I live about an hour there and will show you some Yankee-style southern hospitality.
My close prison encounter involved me dressing as a jail deputy (with the country’s blessing) when I was a reporter. That’s as close as I want to get.
Sounds like you had a great time.
I didn’t know you lived so close to Orlando. Too bad. Next time… My husband promised Tamara we’d meet up again.
One of my best conferences was at Disney. I skipped activities one night, and rode some wild ride over and over at Epcot until the junior high boys next to me said, “I think we need to quit. I’m going to be sick.” And then I rode one more time.
Wild child! Love it.
No, No, and No …. well, maybe!
I’m with Jules..produce the video. I’ve been in prison…but not as a prisoner. really, honestly.
I get lost (or “delayed”) all the time, even with my GPS. In fact, I get in lots of arguments with my GPS. She’s a real know-it-all biddy :)!
You have the coolest handle ever.
Ha! Growing up my parents CB handles were Straight Arrow (my dad) and Quiver (my mom). Talk about embarrassing. Enjoyed reading your blog.