I despise gigantic shopping carts, especially when I decide to shop for groceries on a Saturday afternoon. It’d be easier to drive a minivan backwards through downtown Mexico City than maneuver a locked-wheel behemoth adorned with fourteen-day-old lettuce leaves.
My solution?
Strut by the carts and grab a basket. Then proceed to stuff the basket full of processed crap, balance your purse on your shoulder, and kick your case of Coke up and down the aisles.
This was precisely what I was doing when I came across the reduced-clearance rack. I put down my basket and picked up both hamburger and hot dog buns because I enjoy barbecuing in snow in April.
I examined the carbs for signs of life: no mold, no hockey-puck firmness, no visible bite marks.
I hoisted up my basket, carried the two bags of buns with my free hand, and kicked the Coke to the checkout and eventually to my car.
When I arrived home, my husband helped me carry in the groceries.
“You did this without a cart?” he asked.
“Kicking a case of Coke improves my soccer skills,” I said.
He unpacked the groceries.
“Wait,” he said, eyeing the 50% off stickers on the buns. “You bought used bread? You make fun of me every week for shopping at the used bread store.”
Used Bread Store was our slang for the discount day-old bread outlet.
“I didn’t buy the buns at a used store, though,” I said. “I bought them at a normal-people store.”
As he tossed the buns into our pantry, one of our kids asked, “You mean the bread we eat is used?”
Yes, yes it is.
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Your turn. What are your grocery shopping neuroses or tactics or phobias? What drives you nuts about shopping for food?
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Update: Thanks to all those who applied to be part of the Don’t Lick the Minivan Street Team. You all should have received an email from me by now. If you haven’t heard from me, (a) check your spam folder or (b) email me at IronicMom(at)gmail(dot)com.
I must have my list or I meander lost in time and space trying to meal plan on the go. Its awful.
A planner. 🙂
Ha! This is so clear, in my head, you shoving the case of pop around, looking fierce, guarding your day-old bread.
Me, I’m a sucker for bricks of cheese – sometimes the manufacturer messes up the packaging, so the cellophane is all wonky, so the cheese goes on sale. I stock up and we eat cheese-enhanced meals for weeks.
The 50% off cheese! I love that too. Except my husband is lactose intolerant. This means I have to eat twice as much.
The sacrifices you make for your husband, Leanne. It’s inspiring.
True love in action.
I always seem to get the cart that has the sticky wheel, the one wheel that refuses to turn and that won’t go around corners and that you have to fight with at every corner. Consequently, I put off going grocery shopping for as long as possible. I have an absolute phobia about it. I also fear getting a package of produce that has something rotten or moldy hidden in it, for example, a package of strawberries that has a moldy strawberry hidden in the middle of seemingly perfect strawberries. It’s happened before. I have had it happen with blueberries, too. I HATE that.
Those strawberries…and the boxes of mandarin oranges too.
When the boys were still in car seats I’d put them both down in the cart and pile the food in around them. It’s amazing how much space they’d take up, here I thought I was buying a lot of food but the volume in my cart was babies and not food. Now that they’re older I have to be careful of the baby five finger discounts.
Nothing like using cans as pillows. 🙂
I love checking out the reduced sections but they’re normally pretty empty as everyone gets there before me!!!
I can imagine pretty clearly you kicking the fizzy around and trying to balance everything in the basket!!!
I’m also guilty at abandoning my heavy basket and cans at the end of an aisle to walk to get something specific. I’m glad supermarkets don’t have announcements on leaving your belongs unattended.
I’m good for going into a store with intentions on buying maybe two things, three at the most and end up walking out with about 20! And balancing them all in my arms. Walmart is the best cuprit of this act. I never learn!
Yes, we all eat used bread. It’s called recycling, right?
Yay for another used bread-er! I think you’re right: the origin of the basket overflowing is coming in for a “couple” of things.
I like shopping trolleys, it gives me something to complain about when I shop with my wife. I always seem to get the one with a limp lettuce leaf curled around the bars or the old ice cream wrapper and the handle feels like a toddler has been dribbling on it. Well you hope it’s dribble.They’re also great to lean on when you’re deciding which brand of liquorice allsorts to buy. And with the wonky front right wheel it’s quite easy to bump into the trolley being pushed by the cute young Mum without being thought of as a pervert. That’s my excuse. I do love discounts though, let’s face it you can always toast that day old bread, or rejuvenate it with deadly rays from your microwave oven. If I tried to kick a case of cola around now I’d probably slip a disc.
Love your site,
Cheers
Laurie.
Great comment, Laurie. Your line about the dribble or something else made me laugh out loud and go “ewww.”
I think kicking a case of Coke should be in the Supermarket Olympics…
I have a very distinct time-limit in grocery stores. I’m fine… fine… fine… suddenly I’m headachy and grumpy and can’t think straight. It might be the lights. Or the other people.
I hear you. When I used to live overseas, the main time I’d experience reverse culture shock was in supermarkets. I have balled in the produce section, trying to figure what my mom meant when she wrote “apples” on her list. Apples? There are 14 kinds of apples! Not one, like in Bahrain…
At Safeway they have the minicarts, which I’ve learned you can still pack way too much stuff in.
I don’t think I have anything that I do, other than sing and dance in the aisles. And that’s only if a good song is playing.
I do love the mini-carts. I want to know where you shop; I never hear good music playing in my local supermarket.
I don’t mind the shopping……it’s all the times we have to handle the food. Put it in the cart. Unload the cart onto the conveyor. Pack it up in bags. Put it back in the cart. Walk to the car. Put the bags in the car. Drive home. Make several trips from the car to the house with the bags. Empty bags and put food away. That’s like, 7 times…..and that’s not including taking it out of the cupboard/fridge/freezer to prepare it again later. You’re intimately acquainted with the food by the time you eat the stuff!
Good point, Debbie. Actually, it just reminded me of life in Bangkok. The supermarket DELIVERED your groceries (and would bring them into your kitchen). Loved that.
I hate the big cart too. But I also hate carrying things, so I use those half-size carts. My biggest mistake I always make is shopping while I’m really hungry. Not smart. Or shopping my list and then picking up “a few extra things”. That I absolutely did not need. $$$
Shopping while hungry is dangerous. Everything looks good, especially the salt-and-vinegar chips.
I do enjoy grocery shopping when I can do it at my leisure. I hate when I am ill prepared for the week ahead and have to go shopping on a Sunday evening. I hate being pushed past and crowded out when I am trying to read labels. I shop at a chain where you bag your own groceries in your own bags. I don’t mind that though because my bags don’t bust when I try to unload them at home and spill all over the garage or driveway. I can sack my groceries in a logical order so putting away goes easier at home. I hate when I don’t bring enough bags though.
I once broke a giant jar of dill pickles in my trunk. Yup, not nice. It was because I jammed everything into one bag. Sigh.
I like the newer two-level compact model carts, but before I’m through, the checker wishes I’d just push around the behemoth. Nobody can pack a cart like me!
You’re a Jenga shopper. Love it.
Stealing that immediately!!
I really don’t like waiting in long lines, but if they have great magazines to look at, well then, no problem!!! The only way I know what is going on in Hollywood is by perusing the covers of gossip magazines!
That’s a good point. Now I just look on the magazines and do math, calculating what percentage of people on the covers I know. Usually it’s under 10%, unless George Clooney has a movie in the theatres.
You know, I was just thinking last night about how freaking much of my life and important moments happen in grocery stores. And I hate grocery shopping. I used to do the basket & kick method. Once a majority of the kids hit teens though I couldn’t do that anymore, no matter how much I worked out. I love “used bread store”. Awesome. We turned grocery shopping into Date Night: http://accidentalstepmom.com/2013/03/26/hot-date/
That’s a fantastic post!
I’ve given up shopping with the kids because everytime, they insist on the racecar cart, then I spend the rest of the trip chasing them around the store with a cart that refuses to turn a corner. lol But I’m a couponer so my favorite part of the trip is the checkout. It’s like a high to see that my amount saved starts ringing up to be more than the amount owed. 😀 But I always feel compelled to explain how 14 quarts of flavored creamers won’t even last a month in my house…
I despise the race car cart. I banned it.
I carry the staples (milk, flour, eggs, bread, butter, wine etc.) in my fridge and cupboards at all times, and instead of doing one large grocery shop a week, I go about 4 times per week and purchase what I need for the next day or two.
I used to only go once every week or so, but it really wasn’t doing me any favours. This way, I only spend about 15 minutes in the grocery store and save myself money buying for the short-term.
Sincerely,
Noah
I love that wine is a staple. Your very European in your shopping habits. Always fresh!
I’m also anti shopping cart, I will push a box of diapers carry a basket and have a case of pop under my arm, and still refuse to get a cart. For the most part I try to avoid the grocery store like the plague but when I do go in, I like to make it as complicated as possible.
We should start a game of Grocery Store Bingo… Mom with screaming child, Couple flirting, Extra Friendly Produce Guy…
I just plow through the store like a mad woman. There’s no stopping me. I hate it, and if I don’t get it done as quickly as possible, my brain will explode.
That’s a wise strategy. I think I need someone to time me and I’ll try to beat it each week.
The wife sends me with a list.
I disregard the list.
I purchase everything but the items on the list.
I return home.
All Hell breaks loose.
So my style is best described as “Devil May Care”.
Ha. Nasty. But funny!
That describes my blogging style at times, Leanne!
I need a cart definitely. Otherwise I couldn’t spend my life savings every week buying food that I spend hours preparing so that my kids can take one bite, throw it on the floor, and ask “is this all we are having for dinner?”
AHH! The kids complaining about dinner…
I hate carts, too. If it doesn’t fit in the basket (or my other hand), I don’t need it that badly.
Wise woman. 🙂
I can’t even go grocery shopping – that is how terror it invokes in me. I make the husband do it.
My husband loves big carts. He thinks he’s driving a zamboni.
Oh we would not shop well together, Leanne. Trained by my mother, I’m one of those people who goes up and down every aisle, even if I have a list and look to see what’s on sale or what looks good. My boyfriend is doing everything in his power to stop this indecent behavior. LOL
Ha. No we wouldn’t…though I suspect you’d be more efficient!
Okay, you are my hero. I have treated my basket like some sort of Tetris game, leaving indents the size of the grand Canyon on my arm (from carrying a basket full of 2-lb juice bottles), all to avoid getting a cart – but never, NEVER have I kicked a carton of soda around like a soccer ball.
I bow down to you.
The indents. Yes, the indents. 🙂
I go for milk and spend $50. I blame the boys for drinking so much, but really, I shouldn’t shop where they also sell clothes. And nail polish. And home decor.
That is dangerous. The displays at the front get me. “Strawberries? I’ll buy strawberries! They’re healthy!” Basket is full before I hit the first aisle.
Yes! And seasonal displays are the worst! Oh, of course I needed a wreath with plastic eggs – how did I forget to put that on my list?
I try not to hit the old people who take up the entire aisle with their visiting. Someday, I will be old, and maybe I will forget I am not the only person in the store besides the friend I have not seen since Bunco night before last, and I will hold up rude 40-year-olds with nothing better to do than race through the store with a list and a chip on their shoulder. Maybe I need to go lie down. Or breathe into a paper bag.
I love your perspective. Makes me laugh!
I bring at least one of my unlucky offspring. When the bagger asks me if he can help me to the car I smile and say, “That’s why I had kids.”
I thought the punchline was going to be, “You can take the kids. For a couple days.” 😉
Loved this post. I think I’ve seen you in the grocery store before. 😉 My strategy is to go at odd hours – or have groceries delivered. We can order online, so it’s pretty painless. Grocery shopping is the worst chore ever.
Any shopping you can do while sitting on your butt is worth it…
You still have snow in April? Wow!
I know. It seems to snow every Saturday night. Sigh.
Like some commenters, I use the mini-carts. And, try to stay within the “count” for the express check-out line. Yes. I’m sure those behind me count. I know I do — especially when that count goes over the egregious level of five-more-than-permitted.
Okay. So. I think there should be a law against those help yourself donut displays right inside the door of grocery stores. “I’ll just have one. Or two. Oooooh! Look! The also have lemon stuffed donuts!”
It’s more than a bit embarrassing to check-out with an empty bag and say, “Charge me for three donuts. I ate the evidence.”
Ha. Donut-induced shopping. I should try that.
My pet peeve is people who take a FULL cart through the self checkout, examining each item in painstaking detail.
I love our personal perceptions. Good one. 🙂
Thanks, Nelson. Happy Tuesday!
I love how you call it used bread – that’s brilliant! We also like to use the baskets, I think the idea is that you buy less and you get a nice upper body work out 😉
I just always wonder why people frown when i’m in the produce section and i take bites out of all the apples. How else am I supposed to know if they’re ripe?
It drives me nuts when I need something thats on the very top shelf. It’s like 12 stories high and Im only 5 feet. It is no easy task tryiing to climb up without knocking stuff down. I think they should provide step ladder’s for short folks like myself.
I’m a big fan of the scratch and dent meat section – as long as it’s not too brown. Ewwww.
My strategy is to show up late at night when there’s like 4 people in the store, one of whom is drunk and not sure how he got there or what that stain on his shirt is.
Leanne, I’m Tom. You picked my number. I’ve been trying to email my address to you but I keep getting messages my system can’t deliver. I don’t care so here’s my address :
Tom Wisk
50 Lorraine St Apt 2S
New Britain CT 06051
Thanks. I’ll deal with fallout.
The store in which I shop sells good cuts of meat at a great discount two days before the ‘sell by’ date. My kids tease me because I buy meat ‘on clearance.’ Whatever it takes, right?