It’s the day after Halloween, so it’s time to listen to Christmas music. But before we suffer through Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, I thought we may wish to add some new words to the Halloween lexicon.
Here are my 5 suggestions for new Halloween terms:
Hallowhiner: a parent who openly complains about this event, like I did on my last post. I think I’m the Queen Hallowhiner, but challenging me for the throne is the lovely, the talented, the uber-funny Lori Dyan.
Off-Loading: a second, larger bag (usually a black garbage bag) used to dump the kids’ candy into when their own cutesy bag gets too heavy. One dad in a gaggle of dads announced, “Time to off-load, kids.” This was not me. My kids shoulder their own tooth decay.
Stair Police: a parent whose primary job is to ensure their mask-donning child does not trip on steps, necessitating a trip to emergency. I was the stair-police last night. And still, William managed two good wipe-outs, one face first into a shrub.
Streamlined Distribution: an ultra-business like handing out of candy. Vivian, who enjoyed giving out candy at our door more than traipsing around our neighbourhood, has invented this process.
Step 1: When doorbell rings, sprint to candy bowl.
Step 2: Grab two fistfuls.
Step 3: Use your chin, elbow, or foot to open the door.
Step 4: Don’t look kids in the eye, but shove candy in their bags as fast as you can.
Step 5: Shut the door before anyone has a chance to say anything.
Step 6: Repeat steps 1-5.
Adult Scare-Face: an adult (likely bullied in school) who dresses up in a freaky mask and scares unsuspecting children. I did this, unwittingly. During a later hour, after I had lassoed my twins to their beds, our doorbell rang. I opened the door to see three teenaged boys. One screamed. Unbeknownst to him, his English teacher had opened the door. Yup, the freaky mask that scared him was my face.
Happy sugar high, everyone. May our children come down from the ceiling soon.
Any Halloween terms I missed?
Any bizarre happenings you witnessed this past weekend?