Last month, I opened up the comments to you, inviting you to ask my dear husband (DH) any questions.
Here is Part 3 (of 4). Part 1 is over here. Part 2 is over there.
First of all I would like to say how pleased I am to have been forced into conversing on the blogosphere AGAIN with all of you teenagers, stalkers, shut-ins, and unabombers. When IronicWife says “Jump”, I say “Of course, and your crazy new highlights look lovely”.
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Please do not be offended by any of my answers because (a) they were written with the best of intentions and (b) crankiness is my default setting.
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From SamiJoe:
If Leanne could drive a sports car for the day, what kind would she choose?
Does Volvo make a sports car? Leanne likes her fun safe and road-tested. Failing that, I’m sure she would like to drive Colin Firth’s wheels, IYKWIM.
What is Leanne’s favourite Shakespeare play and why?
Leanne has actually never read any Shakespeare. She has faked her way through all these years of teaching by using Cliff notes, speaking French when asked a question, and being sarcastic. Middle schoolers love sarcasm.
From David and Aaron:
Where is the best place to watch the Pride parade go through your neighbourhood?
Great question, gentlemen. The Pride parade starts at the horse trough, wends its merry way past the houses with identical pine shingled roofs, takes a left at the mailbox, and ends up at the park. It usually takes about five hours, depending on traffic, and this year’s parade marshals will be Cher and Stuart McLean. I can’t wait!
From Team Oyeniyi:
Does Leanne get pissed off when you watch the Kiwi Rugby in the wee hours and do you sleep half the next day?
Dear Team Oyeniyi: Given the fact that the All Blacks rule the rugby universe, and that if I had 15 Kevin Mealamus I could invade a small country, I watch all rugby, all the time. I PVR the Tri Nations, Six Nations, Currie Cup, Super Rugby, and any internationals on offer. I make sure and record Canada’s matches on at least two tvs and I check the Rugby Canada website daily. While we’re on the topic, did you know that Canada’s Jebb Sinclair, who is from Red Deer, Alberta, is now playing number 8 for the DHL Stormers in South Africa? That’s kind of like a Kalahari Bushman with a click in his first name lacing up skates and starting at left wing for the Pittsburgh Penguins.
From August McLaughlin:
When did you know you were in love with Leanne? Was it love at first funny bite, um, sight?
When I first met Leanne I wasn’t sure if she was Mrs. Right or Mrs. Right Now, but there was definitely something in the air. Almost three weeks after that day I was in the weight room grunting and sweating and I remember pausing, looking at myself in the mirror and thinking “I’m going to marry this woman”. Not exactly the stuff of sonnets but the truth nonetheless. Incidentally, it took Ironic Mom much, much longer to see the light.
What’s the sweetest thing you’ve done for her? (If it doesn’t blow our socks off, feel free to do something that does before responding. Hint…hint…HINT.)
Thanks for the question August. I love taking directions on my love life from total strangers. The sweetest thing I’ve done for Leanne is answer these questions from all of you teenagers, stalkers, shut-ins, and unabombers.
From Marianne:
Why Canada?
Thanks for the existential and surreal question Marianne. I would have to respond by saying A) because it’s there B) why not? and C) because in Canada we like to fill up the sink with razorblades before harvesting the piano strings. I hope this covers it.
From El:
What are the three things you love most about Leanne?
Thanks for the great ending question El. I’ve had just about enough of answering these things and would like to go read and relax. So here goes: the three things I love most about Leanne are her intelligence, her off-beat sense of humour, her positive disposition, her almost immediate forgiveness of my transgressions, her creativity, her level-headedness, her practicality, her vivaciousness, her tact, and her strength. I know that’s more than three but I didn’t want to be limited. Oh, yeah, and her smokin’ hot body. Definitely this last one. Definitely.
~
Now it’s your turn: what sports car would you drive?
DH: I read your Rugby answer twelveteen times. I still don’t understand it. At. All. But I love that you did this for Leanne. And I love her smokin’ body too. Isn’t that weird? But the whole having to put her out with a fire extinguisher gets kind of old. 😉
Like Katniss. Except with wrinkles and stretch marks.
Nay-Nay, is twelveteen a new word? If so, I like it. 🙂
It’s one of my favorite words. I also like eleventeen. 😉
Awww! DH–you’re wonderful!! And I laughed my ass off re the Shakespeare!!
Wait a minute. That was WAY more than three things. You cheated. But your’e hilarious so your answer is acceptable.
I condone *that* kind of cheating…
You had me at “click in his first name…”
Awesome. sauce.
Aston Martin DB9 – Schwing! Incidentally, I actually got to sit in an Aston once when the husband ran into a fellow Brit in a shop. They started bonding about rugby and the fellow happened to own an Aston, which we noted when we all got out to the parking lot. Long story short, I got to drool on the leather a bit.
Now that we are back in the land of the husband’s birth – Britian – we can watch rugby matches on an actual TV instead of huddled around a computer monitor watching an extremely unstable online broadcast that always buffers right before some really crucial play. Four months in and the sense of luxury hasn’t worn off.
“The sweetest thing I’ve done for Leanne is answer these questions from all of you teenagers, stalkers, shut-ins, and unabombers.”
Oh, that killed me! You two are a match made in heaven. Thanks for doing this, DH!
Ahh. Just read that Colin Firth drives a Prius. Sigh. Now I’m smitten plus! http://www.celebrityridesblog.com/celebrity-cars/colin-firth-joins-the-%E2%80%9Ca%E2%80%9D-listers-by-driving-a-prius/
I just KNEW the answer involved all-things-sweaty. Score. And I’m happy to hear that I wasn’t the only Cliff notes fan. (Someone’s gotta support writers of THOSE, you know. Shakespeare’s platform is huge enough.)
I’m offended by “teenagers, stalkers, shut-ins, and unabombers.” Some of us are just demented loose cannons.
Lamborghini Countache. That or a nice classic Corvette Stingray. Although I wouldn’t drive it, probably, I’d park it somewhere safe and secure and look at it while confining my driving to something sensible that wouldn’t bankrupt me if I put a dent in it.
Really, I’d much rather drive an M1 Abrams. Road speed is a bit slow, but who’s gonna honk? Plus, a 120mm smoothbore swinging around is a nice way to politely indicate to the person behind you that you would be most appreciative if they would stop following you so closely. It’s only real shortcoming is terrible gas mileage. But if you can afford the sticker price on them, you can probably afford the fuel.
I’d definitely drive a bike. Either a Harley or maybe a Kawasaki ninja. (Yes, I know they’re completely different. I should probably get both. 🙂
Love the answers DH!
ROFL!! Luv it!!!!
LOVED the last answer! And incidentally, my DH would never, ever do this.
p.s. When I first saw this series, I immediately thought DH = Designated Hitter. I know, I’m an American.
I always though DH was American for “Dear Heart” among the military wives…
Leanne, you have my sympathy. I thought my DH was bad enough with his soccer recording and watching. I’ve decided your DH is WAY WAAY worse.
Renee – it isn’t so bad!
DH – love the Sinclair story, that is terrific. Also a bit like an Aussie getting a basketball scholarship in the USA!
I forgot the answer the question – I like the idea of a Maserati, I think.
What? No Shakespeare ever?? Whoa.
A bit of a fib there. My favourite is Hamlet…
Oh my goodness. I like to fill the sink with razor blades before harvesting the piano strings, too!
I so should have been Canadian.
p.s. Supercool highlights, LS.
Rugby, eh? Where’s the b-ball love?
Hmm, not much of a sports car person, but I wouldn’t mind seeing my old 1979 Z-28 Camaro again. I had to sell it when I was a youngster. It was so fast, I feared for my own life.
This was an excellent post! I’m normally a quiet subscription reader, getting my dose of irony and momness from the cozy confines of Gmail, but this post had me laughing in too many places. Thanks for writing, and thanks to your husband for his contributing too. 🙂
I love Jenny’s DH explanation. Oftentimes, my husband is the Designated Hitter in the home when I say, “I can’t take these kids anymore. You’re up!” LOL.
Great answers. I relish hearing about married couples who genuinely love and appreciate each other. As to the car, I’d drive Emma Peel’s Lotus Elan and just about any Mercedes sportscar.