A couple of days ago, I asked my husband if he wanted to guest post, which in retrospect was akin to asking a pyromaniac if he wanted to play with a box of matches.
My husband is the man who brought you the term “sniper fire” (referring to the speed at which beginner ice skaters go down). My husband is the man who proposed five blog topics a year ago that I have yet to let him write. My husband is the man–the funny man–I married nearly eleven years ago. Here he is.
I am the Dear Husband, butt of jokes, proofreader, sounding board, cheerleader. I am the DH, silent partner, lurking presence, yin to the yang of Ironic Mom, base camp so she can summit three times a week.
This is what it’s like.
Sunday Night: We are in bed. Leanne is typing. I am exhausted, over-stimulated, and spent. The kids are finally asleep. I ease in to the relaxing prose of Pasternak and try to lose myself: “The two windows of the cell were at ground level and looked out on a corner of the neglected kitchen garden, a stretch of the main road with frozen puddles on it and the part of the churchyard where Marya Nikolayevna had been buried…SWEETIE! I’M GETTING LINKY-LOVE. FROM THIS BLOGGER I REALLY LIKE!” Leanne loves the linky-love. I put Zhivago on hold while I hear all about it.
Monday Night: It is 11:30 and I’ve woken up in a cold sweat. Leanne is absent from her side of the bed. For some reason I fear the worst. I call out in mild panic. I hear from downstairs: “SWEETIE, GUESS WHAT? KELLY IN TEXAS LOVED THE MIDDLE THIRD OF MY LAST POST AND I HAVE TO COMMENT ON HER COMMENTS. I’LL COME TO BED IN A MINUTE. Leanne loves the comments.
Tuesday Night: The Jays are in the bottom of the ninth, two on and Bautista is up in a tie ball game. I’ve invested three hours in this struggle. There is nothing like live sports. It is the original reality TV. Bautista gets ahead in the count. I’m sure the next pitch will be a…SWEETIE! I NEED YOU TO PROOF THIS NOW, I’VE GOT TO POST…TONIGHT. Leanne loves the self-imposed deadlines. Bautista struck out. I think. I don’t remember. I’m pretty sure I missed it.
But Leanne has posted and is happy. When she doesn’t post, she isn’t happy. And if Ironic Mom Ain’t Happy, DH Ain’t Happy.
Much love, linky or otherwise, to all the DHs out there.
Fiona Cooper (@nlpmum) says
So, you’re a blog widow right? My DH is a blog/twitter widow, but then I’m a ukulele/banjo widow so that leaves us quits 😉 And both of us happy – if one’s happy, the other is happy and vice versa……. right?
I hear ya brother! I don’t get the proof reading because I have to look at my drivers licence to spell my name I’ll get this: fade in I’m in a comfortable seat snack and beverage at hand. All is quiet I have a good history program on or a favaert movie on. and then ” are you ok? Your very quiet over there” yes I’m fine ” ok ……what are you watching?” The history of Scottland. “oh that sounds interesting but the kids………….”
I get it man HAPPY WIFE HAPPY LIFE
Meet the Buttrams says
Mine feels your pain, except he’s still trying to grasp what a blog is. “Like, a diary then?” And “Why are all these strangers reading your diary?” And “Are you still punching at the blinking box?” My DH? Basically a monkey with a typewriter when it comes to computers. He’s still chiseling his To Do list on a stone tablet.
Yasmin @ alittlelessfluff says
Hi DH! I honestly think its true that if there is a happy wife then there will be a happy DH. My DH sometimes gets that faraway look in his eyes when I am telling him about what is happening. Not all the time, but sometimes. lol! I dont mind. He has his stuff to keep him busy and I mine. Happy wife = Happy DH.
Lori Dyan says
My DH isn’t involved in my blog – like the coffee boy in a newsroom – unless there is content about Serbia: then, he is editor-in-chief. When is your DH starting his blog??? 🙂
Good job, DH. You let us into your life and Leanne’s and you did so with humor and joy.
As one of your wife’s avid fans, I thank you for your contribution to her craft.
John Rose says
Always did love the DH rule/role. Well done to the master of moderation. Now if you missed a Toronto win, I could understand the concern……love from Boston/Hamala
Chase McFadden says
Great stuff. “I’ve invested three hours in this struggle” had me nodding my head. Well put. Being a true fan and sticking with a game to the end takes a level of commitment that some people just don’t understand.
Coincidentally, every time I see DH in Leanne’s posts, I think designated hitter (Joe Carter? Those were the days of the Jays).
Anyway, thanks for tolerating IM so the third-funniest woman you’ve ever met can entertain the masses.
Ah, beloved DH. You’re holding down the fort, while Ironic Mom builds her ‘net fortress. And you’re a wise, wise man – if Ironic Mom ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.
Must remind my own DH of this simple truth. Great post!
Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson says
This is also excellent, and let me personally thank you for letting me talk to Leanne for 2 hours last week after my cyber meltdown.
Yeah, that was me.
You guys are lucky to have each other. And the Things. 😉
I must forward this to my DW. she is living the same dream you are. Lucky blogger spouses all.
Shéa MacLeod says
DH – You rock. You deserve the Master of the Universe Award for Awesomely Supportive DHs.
Ok, I made that up. But still.
Great post, DH. I liked the picture very much.
Lynn Kirk says
Leanne, I met you when I was your grade 8 teacher in wonderful Elie, Manitoba, and I knew then that you would find your way in the world: your personality, ability to communicate beautifully even then, your terrific sense of humour. I couldn’t be happier that you found a life partner who appreciates all that. (At least that is how he made it sound!…good writing, DH!!!)…ha. I swear to god that if everyone was surrounded with folks with appropriate senses of humour, there would be no wars, no abused children, etc. How can one be selfish or unhappy if one can laugh at the sorts of things Leanne makes us laugh at through every blog? MERCI to the Things and DH for allowing themselves to be the brunts so we can all laugh, too.
Leanne Shirtliffe says
Thanks, Mrs. Kirk. I mean Lynn!
Wendy Lawrence says
Great post! You are like, the 3rd funniest blogger I’ve read this morning. (Smile, wink, nudge nudge).
You’re a good man, DH. A good man.
Trish Loye Elliott says
Nice post, DH! Hope to see more. Will u get addicted and start your own for all the blog-widow(er)s out there? I’d love to see it.
Way to go, DH! You are contributing to greatness.
I’m sure Bawhooosta — or whatever his name was, the guy with the club, swinging at things — would understand you had more important things to do Tuesday night… ; )
My husband feels your pain. I’m fairly certain he’s tire of hearing me ask, “Did you read my post yet? Did ya? Did ya? Did ya? Well, what did you THINK about it? You didn’t read it?……I hate you…..
…just kidding, I love you….
….but seriously, did you read it yet?”
Awesome guest spot. I am about to hop on the highway for travel and have a bunch of blog posts to neglect, but I had to see this one before departing. Great perspective, the spouse of a blogger. As for the Jays, I’m a Pirates fan. Glad we let Bautista go after his career of nothingness. Now he’s…I can’t say it. At least we got ya last night. Once.
Leanne Shirtliffe says
Were you even born the last time the Pirates won the World Series? 😉
Yes! Don’t remember it though. I’ll refrain from any further age jokes 😉
IM is so lucky to have a DH who will actually read her blog! my DH will only read it if it references him. and i get a lot of “what are you doing over there? blogging? emailing fellow bloggers? is that your new addiction?” as if i’ve had so many other addictions in the past…
ah, he knows me so well…
LOL, my DH won’t read my blog. The rest of the family do, though. I think they must have told him how bad it is!
The long suffering Power behind the throne, revealed at last! Keep up the good work! 😉
Teresa Lepore says
Apparently Leanne has this parade raining thing under complete control! (You GO girl!) DH, you owe it to the rest of the world to keep Leanne and her non-traditional super hero power (winks at Renee) very close at hand to assure it never escapes your domain. Of course, if we were to combine our stated powers with her recently disclosed superpower we’d have the ability to make people feel rained on even when they are having great hair days! Please remember to keep your place DH. We may spare you raised eyebrows and snickering when you return home after having recieved a two hundred dollar haircut. Your post was great…but your hair!? ;}
This is great. You are a very understanding DH. My husband equates typing at night to Chinese water torture.
My DH says, yes, he relates. Today he had to listen to me read your post instead of mine, which I am sure that he appreciates.
Thanks for speaking for all the poor neglected bloggy husbands everywhere.
Kim Wilson says
I’m so glad to hear from you DH! With both of you excelling in humour (that’s how it’s spelled in Canada, right?), it sure seems like you have a great time together. …Even if you are awakened from your sleep to hear about the linky love and comments. Thanks for being so supportive and for assisting in the support of such a great blogger/writer!
Lani Wendt Young says
Laughing all the way to the end of this one. I blog a lot about my family – 5 children and 1 significant other. My long suffering spouse, otherwise known as HRH ( His Raging Hotness…or when Im irritated with him, His Royal Highness) now gives me specific instructions whenever we’re chatting abt something…he’ll stop midstory and say “Dont you DARE put this in your blog you hear me!!” Which means of course that everything else he forgets to censor is fair blogging game..lol I love that your DH guest posted on here. My oldest child (16yrs) started his own blog last week – because he said, “You keep talking about me , so now Im going to talk about you.” For a moment i was afraid…but typical teen, he posted twice, got bored and moved on to something else.
rob shepherd says
Loved this! More please.
Wish Doc would proofread for me! When I ask, he looks at it for 3 seconds and declares it perfect. Not helpful. He does however, love that I love to write and is very supportive of the time it takes me to do it.
DH needs a regular weekly slot.
Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos says
Come on, DH… You know I don’t just like the middle third of her posts – the whole things (Things?) are hilarious.
Leanne – did DH or you pick the images, because as you know, R Lee Ermey goes full metal inner voice on my writing…
It’s always nice to get the perspective of the other side.
I’m certain my DH would agree about my falling into the internet abyss. 🙂
Leanne Shirtliffe says
Pic = his idea. My creation…
Elena Aitken says
Great to hear from you, DH!
I too predict we’ll be seeing a DH blog pop up soon. Or at least a regular ‘column’
Supportive husbands are the best. And only kind there should be.
julie gardner says
You’ve been married almost eleven years and she still “summits” three times a week?
Leanne Shirtliffe says
You all are cracking me up. DH’s been updating me on how many comments “he” has.
I have the best. readers. ever.
I’d comment individually, but I’m spent from a l-o-n-g week.
Ricky Anderson says
I thought DH was for Designated Hitter as well.
Looking forward to Part 2.
Leanne Shirtliffe says
It’s coming your way. Possibly on our anniversary. Because nothing says Happy Anniversary like a guest post on your DW’s blog.
You know your husband loves you when he reads your every blog post. And when he edits them…oh man, it’s so sexy.
Leanne Shirtliffe says
Baby, you can dot my i’s…
Great post DH!
We have enjoyed reconnecting with your family through Leanne’s fantastic blog.
We just celebrated Canada day in Brighton, Ontario. Back to Luxembourg in August. Go Leafs Go!
My husband can relate to every word. He’s become such a popular “character” in my decluttering blog that I’ve assigned him his own category “Squirrel Corner”. Have you spoken to Leanne about a little real estate on her blog? You are both hilarious.