We were leaving the chaos of Bangkok for the chaos of the Thai countryside. Inside our ubiquitous white tourist van were a driver, my in-laws, my husband, and our four-month-old twins.
It was our kids’ longest journey; from our apartment in Bangkok it was a four hour drive south to a semi-private beach near Prachuap Khiri Khan on the Gulf of Thailand. Besides big trucks barreling past us, pedestrians on the side of the highway, and the occasional gathering of police officers, the drive was uneventful. I even managed to stare outside the window for a few kilometers.
Then we turned off the main highway and headed west on a bumpy road. Vivian and William awoke and started to scream. It was their feeding time, but I told the driver, whose eyes loomed large in the rearview mirror, to keep going. In thirty short minutes, we’d be at the quiet beachside resort.
It was an eternity.
I became Animated Mommy, performing puppet shows, exaggerating facial expressions, engaging in an Oscar-winning performance of Peek-a-Boo. Finally, I resorted to singing. This is one of those areas I’m less-than-skilled at. I sang through Itsy-Bitsy-Spider, Mary Had a Little Lamb, and four verses of Amazing Grace (all to the tune of Gilligan’s Island).
My husband and in-laws joined in when I started Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed. We were at “three little monkeys” when our van pulled out to pass a motorcycle. I looked out the window, looked again to refocus, and stopped singing. I believe it went something like “one fell off and – what the hell?” A monkey, a real live monkey, was riding on the back on the motorcycle, his little paws on the waist of the driver. I kid you not. For a moment, we were suspended in silence. The singing had stopped. And then my two little monkeys started screaming.
Another episode of truth is stranger than fiction.
Any weird sights you’ve encountered traveling? or in your own hood?
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If you wish to read about other humourous adventures of living in Bangkok, check these posts out:
- Fat in Thailand
- Pregnant in Bangkok (includes how tourists & pregnant women are similar)
- Surviving the First Week with Newborns
- Raising Normal Kids
I’ve seen some strange stuff, but this one has to take the cake….this is what I found myself behind while driving on the beltway outside of Baltimore…..
Strange sights from vehicles. That would make a good post on its own!
On a mission trip in Brazil we had a transvestite attack a homeless man with his/her high heel shoe. It was in the middle of our drama and we just kept rolling with it. Oh and I need to learn some of these songs that you speak of. I’ve been singing 99 Problems by Jay Z minus the B word, Baby Baby by Justin Bieber, and various Black Eyed Peas songs.
My kids now know some Peas, but you are clearly cooler than I am (although the Bieber one may negate that ;).
Transvestite attack a homeless person with heels? Can’t say I’ve ever seen anything like that. I did, however, chase down a Transvestite in heels in a seedy beach town in Thailand. When I stopped her/him, I asked where she bought her shoes. You know. It’s hard to find big sizes in Thailand.
Bieber is from Canada. You should love him just for that.
I was a seasoned traveler BK (Before Kids), and an IHMM (Intercontinentally Hauling Maniac Mother) AK (After Kids), having given birth to two multinational munchkins. I used to cart one in a frontpack and the other in a backpack to make the trip to Europe on business. I would deposit them with their grandparents, hop a train, do my work thing, and pick them back up a few days later.
Amazingly, they were both pretty great on those trips, even as babes.
Now – as teens – would I dare to go more than 20 minutes in a moving vehicle with them? Another matter altogether. (Pass the Excedrin and the Valium.)
🙂
So, who’s the Valium for now? 😉
I can’t imagine what the packing must have been like to take them frequently on international hauls. You are amazing.
I’m not certain that this counts, but while we were in exotic Wisconsin we saw a woman with a very lovely horse appliqued on her sweatshirt. My son, being a horse/animal enthusiast, pointed to her and shouted, “HOR(se) HOR(se) HOR(se)!”
The woman was unhappy.
The horror of seeing the hor(se)!
That counts indeed. Too funny. I am laughing outloud!
I would imagine that any classic child’s song sung to the tune of Straight Up by Paula Abdul would have to be a winner. I’ve also been known to sing the Benadryl song. They can only handle a verse or two before they’re out cold.
So punny! And now I have Ms. Abdul stuck in my head. Not how I was planning to spend my afternoon.
Haha, wow, that’s awesome! I love the irony. I would’ve stopped singing too.
Two strange sightings for me. I was riding a public transportation bus (charter bus size) from one city to another in Venezuela, I think. A lady was sitting quietly in the seat next to me with a bag in her lap. Suddenly, her bag started clucking. I got to ride for a couple hours next to a chicken.
We had a 24-hour layover in Taipei on our way to Indonesia a few years back, so we took a tour of the city, which was guided by someone who didn’t speak any English. After we stopped at one of the buildings reminiscent of those seen during one of Sesame Street’s Asian visits, we saw a guy pass by on a skateboard, followed by his dog on its own skateboard. The talented dog used its two front paws to steer and balance and the back paws to propel the skateboard. We tried to snap pictures, but we were nearly frozen in place.
Dog on skateboard in Taipei. Can’t say I’ve seen that.
And I’m trying to think of a “Why did the chicken get on the bus” joke, but I’m failing. Sigh.
The punch line, however, could be Cluck Off.
I never tire of seeing baby pics of your twins. I don`t remember any monkeys in our travels (except zoo kept ones) but I do recall some goats…many goats.
Goats? There’s a story. What’s the story?
Wow… much props for even considering caravanning the little ones at such an age. My wife would bow to you in reverence. The only sights I can think of would be in our car where our wee *ye of little bladder* would need to pee-pee and out would come the plastic bottle. You can imagine the looks…
We do have a neighbor who runs errands on his bike with his dog in tow on an exposed open trailer with required bandana around the neck (dog, not owner).
Living and traveling abroad… what a concept? Better you than me. 🙂
Dog on trailer behind bike? Hmm. I think your neighbor needs someone to point out it’s supposed to be the dog who’s getting the workout.
I’m not better. Just stupider.
The first person (apart from my husband) that I told I was pregnant was some woman on an airplane who was wandering with her screaming baby… Her son’s name was “Wyatt Mac”. My dog’s name is pronounced “Why-mac”. It took all my might not to giggle uncontrollably on that airplane.
I love how you told that to a random stranger. 😉 And I’d have laughed, too.
My wife and I sing our kids TV theme songs like Growing Pains and Family Ties. We hope when they grow up they’ll be confused about which memories actually happened in their family and which memories happened to those TV families.
One of the sights I’ll never forget is an anal retentive neighbour hauling out his ShopVac to vacuum the sidewalk in front of his house after trimming the grass growing out of the cracks (we lived in the inner city at the time, not the ‘burbs!)…
Wendy
Was this after he shop-vacked the hair off his dog? 😉
Okay, this is not about a strange sight that I saw, but I am pretty sure that a bunch of folks went home with a great story about a crazy woman the night they saw me heading from Rochester to Toronto with my 8 week old son.
After Monkey screamed those blood-curdling howls for almost two hours, I begged my husband to let me go in the backseat and nurse him. Captain Safety didn’t want either one of us unbuckled.
Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I disobeyed orders, unbuckled myself and and leaned over my seat over the rear-facing car-seat and – like some freak of a contortionist, I stripped down to my nursing bra and put my boob in my child’s mouth. As my husband stopped to go through Customs, the long line of truckers got to see me facing backwards with my son sucking on my titty. And, of course, then I had to change sides. It was terribly embarrassing, but the little guy was starving. And sometimes a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do.
If we had been closer to an IKEA things would have worked out better for everyone. 😉
Why do I tell you these things?
The heroics of a mother in search of silence.
O, to have had a CB radio that night. 10-4, I bet!
I honestly cannot think of a single thing at this moment I saw on my travels.
Other than me working contortions in the car to feed baby food to my daughter when no seat existed to sit in. We remedied that for the return trip.
I love this story and your tales of Thailand.
Thanks, Kelly. Contortionist car trips. Yup. I had one back to Manitoba that required an emergency trip to a massage therapist.
Wow, I feel even more of a kinship with you now that I know that you know that Amazing Grace can be sung to the tune of Gilligan’s Island. Could we somehow be related?
I can also sing it to The Doxology (Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow), The Lion Sleeps Tonight, and a few more. Such hidden talents, eh?
Ooh yeah! I forgot about The Lion Sleeps Tonight. Gosh, I just doubled my repertoire. Thanks, Leanne!
When I was eating at a restaurant in Japan, I was served a pizza-like entree. Except it was completely covered in miniature dried fish. And the heat from the “pizza” made them wiggle and squirm. I gag just thinking of it. Very weird.
This post made me laugh. A lot. 🙂
Great title! Nice post too!