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Leanne Shirtliffe

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My Weekend: By the Numbers

Sometimes, it’s easier to tell a story using math.

3: Hours we drove to see my husband’s family

18: Times Vivian exclaimed she was bored during the drive

312: Animal facts that William shared

22: Times I wished my little Nissan had a DVD player

29: Times I smiled at cousins playing together

14: Times I boiled (and re-boiled) water at my sister-in-law’s without actually making a cup of tea

1: Time I tweeted about my nephew’s zamboni

489: Calories I consumed while eating all of the salt-n-vinegar chips at my cousin’s house

5: Hours my husband spent at his dad’s bedside in the hospital

1: Time I told my ailing father-in-law that I love him

26: Times I beamed over my new adopted nephew (some people “marry up“; my extended family “adopts up“)

2: Inukshuks my husband received for Father’s Day, made lovingly by our kids at school

1: Minute it took before an excited Vivian dropped her inukshuk after unwrapping it for her dad

9: Pieces Vivian’s inukshuk ended up in

15: Times my twins asked if we could stay longer in Edmonton

2: Times I used Instagram to document the freaky weather conditions driving back to Calgary

21: Times I nagged my husband about his habit of tailgating drivers who cruise slowly in the passing lane

5: Loads of laundry from the week we did after arriving home

10: Minutes I talked to my dad on the phone

9: Minutes alone I got for writing time before Vivian came to write beside me

1: Time Vivian added an item to my to-do list without me looking

1: Minute it took for me to realize that Vivian’s addendum needed to be prioritized

1: Time she beat me at Concentration, a memory game

30: Minutes I watched cartoons with William

5: Times I messed up the name of the cartoon we watched (Autocrats Astronauts AlleyCats Aristocrats Bureaucrats Octonauts)

1: Time I googled how to spell Octonauts when writing this post

How was your weekend by the numbers?

Filed Under: Hilarious Family Moments

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Gloria Richard Author says

    June 18, 2012 at 5:30 am

    You do have a way with numbers, Leanne.

    0. Number of times I’m going to try to
    1. Up you on the clever way you use them to structure an article.

    Welcome back! Hidden within those numbers are some factoids that garner good vibes wending their way to your family for your FIL

    I would happily pay you for the opportunity to be an invisible observer of an unscripted day between you, Vivian, and William. Potty breaks excluded, of course. Both #1 and #2. I leave it to you to decide if those numbers refer to Thing # or You-Know…

    Thanks for leaving the blasts-from-the-past for us while you were gone. In re: the tip on removal of permanent marker from wood: should I use gritty, white toothpaste or a gel? No reason. Just curious.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 19, 2012 at 3:18 pm

      Thanks for the good vibes, Gloria. And…instead of paying me, I could pay you to take them for an afternoon so I could write. 😉

      And re: toothpaste. I’m pretty sure I used Sensodyne. 🙂

      Reply
  2. Ray Meinhardt says

    June 18, 2012 at 5:48 am

    Good one Leanne

    Reply
  3. winnwords says

    June 18, 2012 at 5:58 am

    Another great post, Leanne! I, too, have a daughter who adds priority items to my ‘to-do’ list. I pay her for this service; without it, I would be sunk. Yay for organized thinkers, no matter how how small they may be!

    I loved your format for this post and may just take up the challenge you issued at the end…depending, of course, on how well I can skew it so I don’t come off as an incessant nag. Have a great day!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 19, 2012 at 3:18 pm

      Borrow away! Sometimes numbers make more sense than words.

      Reply
  4. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson says

    June 18, 2012 at 6:04 am

    You know this is the only way I can do anything with numbers, so I will play:

    Hours I spent talking with my father – 3
    Hours hubby spent on the goal course – 6
    Hours hubby spent napping – 4
    Number of minutes my husband’s sister spent talking to me – 0
    Number of minutes my husband’s brother spent talking to me – 0
    Enduring the hideous adult dynamic so the cousins could be together? So worth it!
    Days until Tech’s bar mitzvah weekend festivities begin – 4
    Holy crap! I gotta go! Miss you, Shirtsleeves!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 19, 2012 at 3:19 pm

      Wow. Now there’s a story or two in there. Someday when we meet you can whine while I wine.

      Reply
  5. bestintentionsmom says

    June 18, 2012 at 7:30 am

    I think one number summarizes my weekend–44 pints of food canned. 🙂

    Great post!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 19, 2012 at 3:19 pm

      Holy canning, Batwoman! If there’s a Zombie Apocalypse, I’m coming to your house.

      Reply
      • bestintentionsmom says

        June 19, 2012 at 8:28 pm

        Totally! 🙂

        Reply
  6. thoughtsappear says

    June 18, 2012 at 7:39 am

    I only called Kiefer “old” once this weekend. But Boo and Radley picked up my slack and called him old twice each on Saturday. They gave him a break on Sunday since it was Father’s Day.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 19, 2012 at 3:20 pm

      I love the temporary Father’s Day break. I think I forgot that part…

      Reply
  7. nikkix2 says

    June 18, 2012 at 7:52 am

    Ummmm,,of course Zamboni’s turn left silly,,what other way should they go it’s like clock work gurl,,keep it easy as we say up here in the great white north,,,oh and another fact about zamboni’s ’cause I know you’ve probably been wondering all of your adult life,,,,yes zamboni’s are allowed and DO fit thru McDonald’s drive thru’s.
    Your welcome!
    P.S. Great Blog,,,looking forward to following and reading more 🙂

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 19, 2012 at 3:21 pm

      Thanks. Okay, now my bucket list includes taking a zamboni through a drive-thru!

      Reply
      • winnwords says

        June 19, 2012 at 3:52 pm

        Really, gals, in the spirit of rare Canadian patriotism, shouldn’t we be taking that baby through a TIM’S drive thru??

        Reply
  8. JM Randolph says

    June 18, 2012 at 7:52 am

    I love your numbers, and I love the Inukshuks (the only place I’ve seen them before is on a Rush album).
    1- momentous occasion I had to miss for work (the 8th grade dance)
    5- extra girls in my house primping for said dance
    3- number of times the little brother performed the same magic trick for each one of them
    2- minutes after Father’s Day dinner that it took my husband and I to delegate cleanup duty before we escaped to go buy dessert
    9- number of desserts we returned with.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 19, 2012 at 3:22 pm

      The primping for the dance was always 29x more fun than the actual dance.

      9 desserts? I need to visit you. And then leave my hips there when I leave.

      Reply
  9. persuaded2go says

    June 18, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Hey, I know that place 😉

    Reply
  10. hopefulleigh says

    June 18, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Love this!

    Number of errands accomplished Saturday morning: 5
    Number of errands not accomplished over the weekend: 2
    Hours spent sweating: 48 hours
    Hours listening to great live music: 2
    Number of people at a friend’s birthday dinner: 23
    Number of people I already knew at friend’s birthday dinner: 4
    Hours spent “working” on Ikea bookcase: 4
    Number of times I glared at said bookcase: 52
    Out of 2 bookcases, number that were put together: 0
    Number of hours talking with dad by phone: 1
    Times I told my dad “I love you”: 2

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 19, 2012 at 3:23 pm

      Ikea bookshelves…the great time equalizer. We have about 20 Billies in our house. This is what happens when a librarian marries an English teacher.

      Love that you talked to your dad for an hour.

      Reply
  11. EllieAnn says

    June 18, 2012 at 8:55 am

    12- times I laughed in this post
    100% what I think of your humor

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 19, 2012 at 3:23 pm

      🙂

      Reply
  12. Go Jules Go says

    June 18, 2012 at 8:55 am

    I’m so sorry to hear about your father-in-law! But glad you had some good times (and chips) this weekend! 🙂

    I think mine can be boiled down to:
    4,317: Number of dishes washed post Father’s Day gathering.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 19, 2012 at 3:24 pm

      Dishes. Not so fun. If only you could send them home with the guests.

      Reply
  13. Anne Rodrigues says

    June 18, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Love the way you wrote this post. The only number I can come up with is 4 glasses of wine I had while at my brother’s house for a Father’s Day celebration. Too many?

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 19, 2012 at 3:24 pm

      I had no wine. That’s the problem with my list. Glad you enjoyed yours!

      Reply
  14. Karin says

    June 18, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Numbers remain a foreign language to me. But I love this, so I’ll play and add my Father’s Day redux below. I apologize in advance if it comes across a little sarcastic:
    24: hours in a day (which would include Father’s Day)
    6: number of hours considered reasonable in MY mind regarding the promise made to my daughter that daddy would spend the whole (Father’s) day with her
    3: hours of actual time they spent of which
    1: hour was spent on the subway
    0: number of things I was able to cross off my list
    1,000: calories my daughter consumed while being out with her father (French fries, blondie, brownie, ice cream)
    2,000: times my daughter bounced off the wall after she came home
    0: amount of humor left in me
    But your posts always cheer me up. Thanks!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 19, 2012 at 3:25 pm

      That sounds like a packed weekend….in terms of events and issues. I get that about losing humour. It happens.

      Reply
  15. julie gardner says

    June 18, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    Good for you for telling your ailing father-in-law you love him.
    Really.

    And as for prioritizing Vivian’s addendum? I knew you wouldn’t have it any other way.

    XO

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 19, 2012 at 3:27 pm

      …Even though Vivian spanked me in Concentration 14-10. (And I was trying. And I have a good memory).

      Reply
  16. Elena Aitken says

    June 18, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    I love your numbers. 🙂

    Reply
  17. Julie Glover says

    June 18, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    I love this exercise. All I can say is that I returned from church camp last Friday, so number of naps I took this weekend: 2. And much needed they were!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 19, 2012 at 3:28 pm

      Camps are exhausted. I’m surprised you got up.

      Reply
  18. gingercalem says

    June 19, 2012 at 5:34 am

    This is great! I’m going to try it this weekend … or maybe for the Surrey conference which I now hear that Elena will attend too! I’ll get to meet you both. Wee!!!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 19, 2012 at 3:29 pm

      We can write a co-authored post in the bar at SiWC!

      Reply
      • gingercalem says

        June 19, 2012 at 3:56 pm

        Oh heck yeah! You’re on.

        Reply
  19. clemarchives says

    June 19, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Love that note Vivian added. From all these posts I’ve read that mention her she sounds like she has a true poet’s soul already…

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 19, 2012 at 3:29 pm

      She does. And she wants her own blog…

      Reply
  20. Smplefy says

    June 19, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    354 miles from the nearest Starbucks.
    2 hours drive from the nearest movie theater
    3 family members wondering if we will go home early rather than stay through Saturday as planned.
    5 hours of daily access to the internet on the free Wi-Fi (one gets what one pays for).
    3 phones without service
    0 – The desire to get in the car today
    10 – number of hours spent in the car since Saturday

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 19, 2012 at 3:31 pm

      Sheesh, M. I’m honored (for you, without the U) that you found the time and wifi to comment. I think I need a time away like that. It’s making me think of when my brother kidnapped me two weekends before my wedding and took me (and 4 others) on a 3-night isolated canoe trip in the Canadian Shield. We had a satellite phone for emergencies, but that was it.

      Reply
  21. Kim Harms says

    June 19, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    Love your numbers post. My husband does the same tailgating thing, and I always find myself pushing down on the floorboard with my foot thinking I might be able to slow him down. Unfortunately my imaginary brake never works.

    Reply
  22. mj monaghan says

    June 20, 2012 at 7:35 am

    24601 – Jean Valjean in Les Mis
    Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes – Rent

    Oh shoot, those are numbers from musicals.

    Reply
  23. Toni New says

    June 22, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    Hi Leanne, I love this blog post. Myself and my grade 6 class wrote “Our Weekends” in numbers. I am going to share some of my own favourites and my students best ones. I have put my own comments in ( ) beside their comments.

    Andrew: 15 minutes my dog barked at a gopher in a bush!
    5 minutes it tokk to calm my dog down
    1 annoying dog licking my ear

    Owen: (he was at the lake for the weekend)
    9 times I asked to stay at the lake
    8 times I was declined by my Dad
    1 time I asked my Mom (the easy going one) and we got to stay!

    Joey: 1 hour my Mom lectured me. (should have asked him what she said!)

    Hannah: 1 time we got lost in Superstore
    3 times I called my mom on her cell phone in the store
    1 time she turned off her phone! (maybe Mom didn’t want to
    be found!)

    Jayden: 100 times I said the word “cheese” to my Mom to annoy her
    17 times I begged my parents for money
    0 dollars gained (being annoying backfired!!!)

    Emerson: 2 times I asked my dad to play poker
    1 time he said, “We will see!”
    0 times we played poker (this led to a class discussion about
    when Mom or Dad says, “We’ll see!” What it really means.)
    6 times nagging my Mom to buy new dress shirts. (don’t ask)
    0 dress shirts bought – nagging gets you no where. (Not sure if he
    learned this yet or not!)

    Now my weekend:
    23 576* photos I scanned through my computer to make a dve for my husband on Father’s Day. (dam photo

    24 minutes I watched a “crazy” Dad, tightrope across Niagra Falls

    2 times I spoiled myself with a large double double from McDonald’s

    9 cheap prizes my children “won” at a Children’s Carnival

    76 times my 3 year stated “she was in her Mommy’s tummy!”

    22 times Kallie, my 3 year old got out of bed with some lame excuse

    11 time Jordyn (6) asked her Dad when could they start their Kub Kar for the school project

    3 bandaids I applied to a miniscule scratch

    18 times I played referee between my daughters.

    21 speeches I marked for school.

    9 times I applied sunscreen and bug spray

    4 times I watched the Father’s Day video I made

    3 more times I heard my husband he watched. He was thrilled with him.

    1 awesome piece of “Flan” cake I had for Father’s day.

    27 texts I read/sent to try to plan a Father’s Day supper with my 5 siblings!!

    Reply
  24. majorityguy says

    July 6, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    0 = amount of math used in this

    Reply

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