There should be an Olympic Games for moms and dads. Now there’s an endurance competition that’d test your focus. As a parent, not only would you get to compete, but you’d get to be your own trainer, nutritionist, psychologist, and sponsor. As an added bonus, you always get play… even if you’re severely sick, injured or depressed.
So what sports would the Parenting Olympics have?
Sport One: Showering
In the real Olympics, showering occurs after the event; if you’re a parent, showering is the event. Although I can barely recall the time my twins were newborns, I can remember showering. When I managed to squeeze this in, it often involved two babies strapped into car seats on the bathroom floor. Shampoo, condition, soap, shave: in under two minutes. It puts the mental back in environmental.
Sport Two: Diaper Changing
I’ve written about the ability of newborns to poo in Jackson Pollack patterns. But seriously, nappy changing is the 100 metres of the Mom-and-Dad Games. If you can’t diaper in under 9 seconds, go back to the starting block. And pay attention: there are separate heats for disposable and cloth.
Sport Three: Juggling
My mother frequently says that moms can cook a whole turkey dinner with one hand tied behind their back. With weeks of practice with your latest accessory, a baby on your hip, you stir the pasta, talk on the phone, and sign a form for your preschooler. This event runs daily…and sometimes hourly.
Sport Four: Car Seat-Stroller Relay
I’m pretty sure some childless hermit invented the majority of strollers. For amusement, try wheeling one through a snow-packed parking lot, extracting your child, tethering the crying babe to the car seat, and collapsing the stroller. Deductions for any swearing.
Sport Five: The Modern Day Pentathlon
Here are the five events of the mommy-a-thon: get child dressed, fed, into snow gear, into minivan, to daycare or school. Bonus if child does not cry. Automatic medal if neither of you cries.
So when your kids fall asleep and you manage to flop in front of the TV to watch psycho Winter Olympic athletes careen down perilous slopes, just remember that most of them couldn’t do your job either.
What parenting sport have you medalled in?
Photos courtesy of Rick Fawcett and fdecomite, used under a Creative Commons ShareAlike License.
There should be a dinner event. Getting everyone to the table with the appropriate plates, sippies, silverware, food separation requirements for preschooler, chopped up toddler friendly food, etc. Extra points if you remember napkins and get the food to the table while it is still hot.
Dinner = a definite Olympic event. Is there deductions for food found under the table?
Dying over this post! I think there should be an olympic sport for the best family portrait with parents and without, from home to studio and back! No changing children at studio! I say this because the third portait appoint for my first son (3months old) he desided it was time to poop during the sitting, and we got two photos of him, one pooping the other crying cause he was dirty! OMG
Does that sound familiar, at least the crying part. Perhaps it’s why I don’t do many photos…
I love this! I have said all along that mothers need medals just for making it through most days!
A daily medal: I could get into that. Especially if it was a chocolate medallion. Might mention this to husband.
“It puts the mental back in environmental” …. love that.
My favourite event these days is seeing if I can unload the dishwasher in the rare moments when both girls are awake, fed, and playing happily. That scenario does happen from time to time, but it lasts anywhere from 30 seconds to about 5 mintues. So if the room goes quiet – I hear no screaming, pleading or questioning – and I know the dishwasher is full….it’s game on. The power unload. Can I get it done before a baby crawls up my leg or a 4 year old hollers for something? It’s like a personal test of skill and focus. Am going to start timing myself.
“The power unload” – fantastic. Get that timer out. Bonus if no dishes are broken and if all are clean (which in the case of my dishwasher is never).
Hilarious!
I would SO Gold in the diapering event – I can change two blowouts at once, while making pediatrician appointments on the phone, homeschooling my toddler and whipping up a batch of home-made baby food at the same time.
How about an event that requires throwing up from morning sickness into a leftover fast-food cup with three kids strapped into the back of the minivan without ever pulling over? Penalties for swerving.
I’m getting daily medals in sleep deprivation right now 🙂