When Vivian and William were little, I was anti-gun and anti-fun, but I soon realized that there are plenty of legitimate ways for them to kill themselves that don’t require a locked up cabinet.
Take yesterday. I was in a splendid mood. I had yet to embed a Lego figurine into the sole of my foot. I had gotten through four things on my to-do-list, but while I bought myself a congratulatory chai, I remembered six more urgent items, resulting in this tweet:
But I digress.
So I’m waiting for my husband to barbecue eggplant (a vegetable that is Mediterranean yumminess) and cook prepackaged fish (a cardboard imposter he found in the organic section of the supermarket).
Vivian and William are also waiting, but they’re hovering over the table, two vultures ready to pick through the carcass that is dinner.
Around the time my husband carries in the eggplant, the vultures become bored and start circling the table. Before you can say roadkill, they’re racing around the table.
I say this:
And it doesn’t.
The organic fish sucked.
**
It’s Whiteboard Wednesday, the day I share something crazy I’ve said.
So now it’s your turn:
What bizarre things have you heard, said, or done recently?
I’ve always wondered (crying little brother next to me) how Chinese kids could hurt their siblings with just chopsticks.
This is true. My kids were gently warned by a waitress in a Dim Sum restaurant.
First, and most importantly, “So I’m waiting for my husband to barbecue eggplant (a vegetable that is Mediterranean yumminess”…I deeply agree, on the yumminess…but did he actually BBQ them, as, smeared sweet sticky brown sauce on those babies? Or just grill them with a little oil and call it a day? Because…and this has me worried here…I don’t think you should abuse eggplant with BBQ sauce. A crime may have been commited in your household, and this, your public confession, could get you into some deep trouble (in some circles. like mine)
And, second, I didn’t say anything worthy of repeating this week. Fun post, as usual!
Nope, he did them perfectly! He grilled them with a bit of olive oil and a spice rub. Yummy!
Haha! I’d have to add, beware of any games with utensils. There’s a card game called spoons in which people grab the spoons in the center, and someone doesn’t get one, so it’s a rather violent game. I was cut… with a spoon! Being cut by blunt objects is very painful. I don’t play that game any more.
Spoons! I forgot that game existed. I played for hours at the skating rink between ringette games. Did you also play Cheat?
I’ve been introduced to that card game recently, it’s loads of fun!
I had frozen pizza and Tostitos later on. Well, I cooked the pizza so it wasn’t very cardboardy.
Carbs and salt. Two of my favourite things! Besides Thing 1 and Thing 2, of course…
This is exactly why we don’t own any of those corn-on-the-cob holders, and my children have to hold hot corn-on-the-cob with their fingers. They can’t be trusted. Frankly, I’m surprised we still have the forks.
I have yet to find a frozen fish that makes me happy.
Hilarious. Yes, we don’t have the cob holders either. And frozen fish. Yes.
I have to agree with Kim, spoons can be VERY dangerous. I’m pretty sure one of my cousins got stitches after a particularly intense game growing up.
As for frozen fish….um…no. that is all.
But it was such fun, wasn’t it?
“Don’t lick the dog.” To my 3-year-old who has started trying to lick almost everything.
That is funny.
I am always pleased to read other posts and determine that my boys are “normal”. While they have safely played spoons for a few years now, there has been an incident where a fork was thrown at little brother when he was annoying….
Spurred on by these comments, I now have to introduce Spoons to my twins. 911 is on speed dial.
When I was in first grade, I lost fork privilege for a week at school for jabbing a boy in the arm. Last forking time I did THAT!
Bwahaha! I love a good pun.
Grabbing forks off the freshly “set” table is one of my 2-yr old’s favorite activities. He then chases the dog with it while the older kids scream but make no move to intervene. Good fun!
Ha! I’m glad your family survived fork tag. I just ended a comment on Renee’s blog (Lessons From Teachers and Twits) with the sentence, “It was a hoot to learn she and her husband had retired and become civil war reenactors.”
Cardboard fish..LOL Right now, the babies like to enjoy “butter knife fights” when I forget to watch the dishwasher while making dinner. I look to you for guidance as they get older…
We used to make our own bows and arrows and shoot each other. I ran around the front yard with a homemade arrow literally sticking out of my arm, laughing like a hyena.
I was going to quote Julie, but she went and did it herself. 😉
Weirdest thing I’d have to put on a whiteboard today: “So how many people did you stab tonight?”
What can I say? My kid is a fencer. I ask him this question three times a week.
I also just asked my husband: “Where will they put the weapons on the plane?” and it occurred to me that if I said that in the airport, somebody just might get a body cavity search. #iykwim.
Aren’t all fish organic? I’m so confused.
Hi! Just wanted to let you know I am sending/giving you a pingback as one of my Top 7 blogs I Like for this thing called a 7×7 Award… hope that is ok. You’re posts are so funny and totally relatable – I really enjoy reading them 🙂
You like eggplant? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Yes, forks are dangerous!
You may be the coolest Mom on WordPress!