A strategy recovering addicts sometimes use when tempted to go back to their vice is “play the tape through to the end.” So if a recovering alcoholic is tempted to have “just a little sip” of bourbon, she needs to consciously go through what would happen as a result of her behaviour. In other words, how would it affect her? her family? her job?
Now we all have our dangers. Trivial though it is, I rarely play the tape through when I’m near a bowl of salt and vinegar chips. If I were to fast forward, I would know that repeatedly scalding my tongue with vinegar and consuming 985 calories in five minutes are not prudent.
You just have to turn on Entertainment Tonight to see evidence of people not playing the tape through to the end. Tiger Woods didn’t pause and fast forward to see the havoc his baker’s dozen of affairs would have. Neither did John Edwards. Or Jesse James. Or Lindsay Lohan. Or Tiki Barber.
Unlike celebrities, however, many parents are experts at playing the tape through to the end, at least in terms of their children.
Here’s an example of how I fast forward the tape:
A favourite post-dinner, pre-bedtime activity for my twins is running around in circles in our living room. With blocks, puzzles and cheap plastic crap put away, the carpet is both visible and traversable. So our kids run around, one twin being the cat, the other the tail.
The other night, this escalated into a game that generations of children have played: with arms spread out, kids spin around in circles like a top, until they either crash into each other, fall down, or puke.
Or they manage to keep spinning until mommy looks up from her dishes, instantly plays the tape through to the end, and yells, “Stop that right now. Someone’s going to fall down and crack their head open.”
They stop, temporarily.
Round Two starts, and I play the tape even farther. “I said stop. If you crack your head open, we’ll have to spend all night in emergency while they give you 48 stitches.”
They stop and head up the stairs, looking dejected.
So, here’s my parenting tip of the day, which I’m sure is infinitely more useful to the Tigers and Johns and Jesses out there: play the tape through to the end and exaggerate the consequences. Nothing stops a potential crisis like imagining a catastrophe.
I am trying to figure out when the appropriate time is to introduce the fear-inspiring consequence of “if you don’t turn off the TV, your eyes will turn square”. I quietly worried about that a lot as a child.
So are your eyes square yet? Maybe that’s why mine feel red and scratchy!
Mine is ‘Please don’t jump from the top of the porch to the backyard – if you break your leg, I can’t afford good medical care, so you’ll never be able to play soccer again’. If necessary, I can play it forward all the way to losing a contract with Manchester U.
LOL at the Man U comment. Good to meet another Master of Hyperbole.
This posted reminded me of an article I read a few months ago about the difference between boys and girls. Basically if a girl believes the consequence to jumping off a ladder may be that she breaks an arm, she’ll likely not attempt it. However if a boy believes that he’ll break his arm then he’ll still jump off the ladder because he thinks that a broken arm isn’t as bad as death and therefore the thrill might be worth a little pain.
Interesting theory. It might explain some things about my husband, actually!
Hmmm, very wise. I don’t trust myself around salt and vinegar chips either, btw.
My husband likes to tell our boys that they will fall and die if they jump on the couch. They don’t quite know what death is but somehow realize it’s bad and stop temporarily. Now their favorite thing to say when they almost fall is “Wow, I almost died”. I recently told my 3 year old his great grandmother died and he asked “Did she fall off of her couch?” Extreme parenting at its best.
Very interesting read! Honest!