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A Parody of the Stages of Marriage

I try to keep my blog rated PG.

Then I come home to this.

Yes, it’s my husband’s version of “The Seven Stages of Marriage,” scrawled on top of the original article from The Calgary Herald.

marriage headline

Tonight I’m going with Monday Night Football.

Your turn:
What are your 7 stages of marriage?
Or, what are your 7 stages of raising kids?

See you in the comments.

Filed Under: Hilarious Family Moments

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Catherine Burden (@AlwaysARedhead) says

    October 28, 2013 at 5:17 pm

    Omg, that is hysterical! I’m sure my husband would have written the same. As for my 7 stages of marriage, well I would probably agree with the horny being first (it’s not just for men), then kids, tired, more kids, less money, drive kids everywhere, kids move out, horny comes back.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      October 28, 2013 at 7:01 pm

      Hilarious, Catherine! I’m somewhere between your stage one and your stage five.

      Reply
  2. Bill says

    October 28, 2013 at 5:41 pm

    I would have to say:

    1) Extreme nervousness
    2) Blissful Honeymoon
    3) Deployment
    4) Joyful reunion
    5) Deployment
    6) Joyful Honeymoon
    – Repeat 3-6 many times, with 2 girls sandwiched in between –
    7) Retirement to enjoy expanded family

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      October 28, 2013 at 7:02 pm

      Love this, Bill. Especially the “repeat” part. I feel that I get that.

      Reply
  3. Natalie says

    October 28, 2013 at 6:19 pm

    Marriage:
    1. Initiation
    2. Inebriation
    3. Infatuation
    4. Ingression (This goes with the next one and leads to the second list!)
    5. Implantation
    6. Irritation
    7. Indigestion

    Children:
    1. Look at my kid!
    2. Look what my kid can do! 😀
    3. Look what my kid did! 🙁
    4. Look at how much my kid has grown!
    5. Look at all this homework.
    6. Looking at colleges.
    7. Looking for my kid.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      October 28, 2013 at 7:02 pm

      “Inebriation.” Hmm. Not on a Monday. **Puts wine bottle back on shelf**

      (Oh, and these are brilliant!)

      Reply
  4. Peisinoe says

    October 28, 2013 at 6:36 pm

    That last one should have a crying face. :'( <== if that works

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      October 28, 2013 at 7:03 pm

      Ha. The endlessness of sports on TV. My husband just informed me that the NBA season officially opens on Wednesday (or that’s when the Raptors open). Me: “So you’ve been wasting your time on preseason?”

      Reply
  5. Life in the 50's and beyond... says

    October 28, 2013 at 6:48 pm

    Way better than The Calgary Herald version… that one was downright depressing…. Funny gets it every time!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      October 28, 2013 at 7:04 pm

      You’re right. Marriage can be depressing enough as it is. 😉

      Reply
  6. victoriabruce says

    October 29, 2013 at 12:46 am

    Reblogged this on The Blurred Line and commented:
    Obviously our husband’s are twins separated at birth.

    Reply
  7. shenrydafrankmann says

    October 29, 2013 at 6:12 am

    Horny is a given and should not be included as a stage. My seven stages, in question form:
    1. Do you need to call your mom again tonight?
    2. Do I need to see your corpulent sister at our front door, in our living room, cleaning my bathroom, again? She can bring dinner over again, though.
    3. If there is no food in the refrigerator, what happened to our grocery budget this week?
    4. Whose turn is it to kill our son this week?
    5. What do you look like naked? Remind me. Please. (I am talking to my wife, by the way)
    6. How much do divorces cost?
    7. Did you read that note with Ephesians 5:22-24 that I left for you on the refrigerator? How about the one on your pillow? The one I taped to your Slimfast can? I am going to carve it in the door of the refrigerator.

    I am at stage six.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      October 29, 2013 at 7:41 am

      Bwahaha. Off to look up Ephesians. That Paul…

      Reply
      • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

        October 29, 2013 at 7:42 am

        Oh, I should have guessed that’s what it was! Where’s the verse about husbands giving their wives foot rubs every night?

        Reply
        • David N. Walker says

          October 29, 2013 at 9:44 am

          Why do so many men overlook verses 21 and 25. Verse 21 says to “be subject to ONE ANOTHER in the fear of Christ.” and 25 says “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER.”

          If we’re going to quote scripture, let’s not just pick out what we like.

          Reply
          • shenrydafrankmann says

            October 29, 2013 at 5:00 pm

            I agree with you, David.

            Where should I pin my next note?

        • shenrydafrankmann says

          October 29, 2013 at 12:18 pm

          Yeah, should have guessed that. I would never throw those verses in my spouse’s face.

          I believe the foot rub verse follows “Jesus wept”.

          Reply
  8. The Byronic Man says

    October 29, 2013 at 8:52 am

    I have to change my 7 stages because my wife says I did them wrong.

    (*Side note: my wife is a lovely person and I’m totally kidding)

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      October 29, 2013 at 8:47 pm

      Bwahaha. A funny lie. 🙂

      Reply
  9. mollytopia says

    October 29, 2013 at 9:51 am

    Oh this is hilarious – I love it!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      October 29, 2013 at 8:47 pm

      Thanks, Molly.

      Reply
      • mollytopia says

        October 30, 2013 at 7:16 am

        I started to list my 7, but I’m divorced, so it got weird at the end haha : )

        Reply
  10. almostwelshsarah says

    October 29, 2013 at 5:10 pm

    Reblogged this on almostwelshsarah's Blog and commented:
    Funny little blog, I think my husband would probably agree too

    Reply
  11. The Hook says

    October 30, 2013 at 6:40 am

    “Tonight I’m going with Monday Night Football.”
    Bummer.

    My Seven Stages of Marriage?
    1) Ecstasy. (Virtually non-stop)
    2) Bliss.
    3) Chafing.
    4) Kids.
    5) Reality. (Like a board to the face.)
    6) Repetition
    7) Renewal..

    Reply
  12. Permission Slips says

    October 31, 2013 at 10:09 am

    Hilarious. Thank your husband for confirming the universal male perspective for us!

    Reply
  13. 3 Bros Ringmaster says

    October 31, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    (Reminds me of “old school batman – 60’s version)
    1) Wow!
    2) What?
    3) Well…
    4) Why?
    5) Work
    6) Whim
    7) Wow!

    Reply
  14. hecticpeace says

    November 3, 2013 at 12:07 pm

    Lol….my hubby enjoyed your hubby’s version!

    We go with seasons as in spring is fresh and new and lovely, summer is fun, fall things are routine and oh hum, winter is when it’s cold and bickering happens, but spring rolls around again and we are in love and find happiness within each other and our family. And these are marriage seasons, not connected to the weather really haha! Winter can happen in spring and summer in winter, etc…

    Or we equate it to surfing…some waves are epic…some duds…sometimes you crash or the wave crashes on you, other times it’s a fabulous ride…and nature along win your flexibility plays a roll in how the wave ride goes…

    Reply
  15. Kelly Fox says

    November 6, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    I love it. I’d go with your husband’s version except replace “Monday Night Football” with “Wine Wednesday.”

    Reply

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