Welcome to my fourth-annual list of the Worst Toys of the Year.
Why create a list of toys that suck?
- Because shopping makes me want to bang my empty-cart-that-can’t-steer into other people’s full carts
- Because cheap, loud toys make me want to hammer-throw them off my back deck
- Because writing something funny is more therapeutic (and less likely to get me arrested) than either of the above
So, let’s get it started, shall we?
The Skankification Award is given to the doll that most resembles a prostitute. Previous winners include Ari Roma of the Novi Stars alien doll collection (2012), Arizona of the Moxie Teenz dolls (2011), and Monster High dolls (2010).
The 2013 Skankification Award goes to Pinkie Pie of the My Little Pony’s Equestria Dolls collection.
Here she is in all her skanky, horse-y splendour:
Three reasons why Pinkie Pie should get a one-way trip to the landfill:
- Is she a doll or a horse? I mean, check out those ears. I’d say she has questionable DNA, at best.
- Evidently, the original, innocent My Little Pony was just too 20th century. Nothing a short skirt and bad-a$$ boots won’t fix.
- She’s for ages five and up. Five? I have underwear older than five years old.
YOUR TURN:
What do you think of Pinkie Pie’s reincarnation as a tramp?
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I gave up on dolls. I am thankful the daughter rarely asks for/plays with them. So she has the Monster High…and she even has this one. They all look like skanks anymore…even Barbie. Heck, Barbie got a boob job and wears lower cut clothes to show it off now. How lovely. Little girl toys suck.
Hasbro – what have you done?
What. Have. You. DONE?
I like the original My Little Ponies. The ones I played with actually…well…looked like colored ponies. Then they got skinnier, and now they’re half human. What is the world coming to?
I don’t even understand this. Are ponies human or animal? What is this? The Island of Dr. Moreau?
Her name is a great “skankified” street name! Next year they will introduce Pinkie’s Pimp Pony – “PDog”
I *might* have underwear older than you.
(And OHMYGOSH congratulations on Babble 100. You deserve it, lady. So much.)
How is this my little pony? Why do we implement these kinds of images on our girls? Why do parents/relatives/friends buy these things for their girls?
Good on you for taking action!
I’m lucky enough to know this. -_- My Little Pony characters now (or maybe they always did) turn into these human/pony type things and do stuff like go to school and parties in the TV show.
They climbed the rainbow when I was little. And that is not that long ago. I guess that doesn’t matter. So is it safe to say there no longer is such a thing as innocence?
It’s slowly being taken away at younger and younger ages it seems. I am 24 now and was embarrassingly naive as a kid. I want the same for my children in terms of holding on to their innocence. My stepdaughter (4) is not bought clothes that sexualize her. I’m so confused why some parents buy mini skirts for their 4 year old. I just take her shopping and let her pick what she likes… which is always obnoxious unsexy amounts of glitter, animals, hearts, flowers perturbing out of shirts, and colors. If she were to pick out a mini skirt, I’d tell her no one wants to see her butt when she bends over, and that she’d look like those silly girls who want people to look at their butts and legs, no way! lol Also, when she came into my life, I made sure to dress appropriately. I saved short shorts for when she wasn’t around. Around her I dress quite conservatively. I’m not even a bio parent here and I can see these things need done!
If it makes you feel any better my finance’s daughter (4) scolds me that my fiancé and I can’t give each other so much as a goodnight peck on the lips until we are married. She doesn’t remember a time in her life not knowing me and her parents were never together after her birth, so it’s not like I’m a “strange new woman” to her… This is just the rule.
Wow, thanks for you elaborate reply!
Now I don’t necessarily think there is anything wrong with wearing mini-skirts, but I do think you have to protect children against themselves (some adults could do with that too). I think the problem lays in people confusing sex and love. Being ‘sexy’ doesn’t mean that guy/girl hitting on you will LOVE you. We should teach our kids – specifically girls because they seem to be most vulnerable – what love is. Having dolls dressed skanky all the time doesn’t help, I certainly agree with you on that. Having Beyonce and Pink and Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus and whoever else dress like first class prostitutes doesn’t help.
How come you can’t give each other a kiss on the lips til you’re married? Sounds like you’ve been together for a while.
I’m guessing not many doll manufacturers read August McLaughlin’s Girl Boner series.
“Questionable DNA, at best?”
I’d say she’s some jockey’s wet dream brought to life….
Reblogged this on carlys thoughts.
The doll is downright ugly. It’s pink is a nasty shade. I would not buy it for anyone. The arms and legs look like they belong on a horse as well as the ears. And the long pink strand of hair in the back creates an image of a horse’s tail.
I truly believe Hasbro has lost it. My Little Pony was cute. That doll is a complete disaster. I would be afraid it would cause nightmares.
Reblogged this on quirkywritingcorner and commented:
None of the comments were favorable. What do you think?
I see more horse than doll. This would have to give little girls nightmares.
I will work “skankification” into at least three conversations today. I will also add “trash-nastic” in there somewhere.
Ponies shouldn’t be anorexic.
Also: have you seen the cartoon, and their weird, mesmerizing, go-go dancing?
I remember my pinky pie. Sometimes i’d put a skirt on her if they were going to a “pony party”, but this is… weird…
i see nothing wrong with this doll if its what little girls like leave it be and don’t question it