It’s Search Ironic Mom time, when I take actual search terms that led victims to my blog and attempt to answer their original query.
Today’s first search term is below.
Dear Ironic Mom:
Signed,
Annoying Kid
Dear Annoying Kid:
Thank you for inquiring about “annoying mom habits.” If you have to google this, consider yourself lucky; most children can create their own alphabetized wiki on this very subject. But since you asked, here are three examples of annoying mom habits:
- when your mom admits she has a crush on one of the Wiggles;
- when your mom vacuums up pieces of Lego and Polly Pockets and enjoys it;
- when she types on the computer and drinks tea (or wine) while she should be reading you a bedtime story.
Ironic Mom
***
Today’s second search term follows.
Dear Ironic Mom:
Signed,
Sucker
Dear Sucker:
I must admit that I am more than annoyed delighted that you want to know about the “things I suck at.” The list is lengthy according to my children and immeasurable according to my husband. For now, however, I’ll just rely on my memory to tell you what I suck at:
- crafts and scrapbooking
- filing my nails
- filing paper
- remembering the difference between laid and lay
- texting more than 4 words/minute on my iPhone
- answering emails
- doing my hair … or my daughter’s
- shopping for anything except books.
Hope this gets you started on your research. For more items, come for a visit.
Best,
Ironic Mom
***
Finally, in the maybe-I-don’t-suck-all-the-time category, yesterday the jury of the Canadian Weblog Awards announced that I was the winner of the Best Humour Blog.
I am humbled. No pressure, eh?
***
Now it’s your turn to answer the above search queries:
What are characteristics of annoying parents?
What things do you suck at?
Schmoopie! Best Humour Blog? Why you not say while texting slowly on your iPhone with your hoodie up last night! Congratulations! A banner week for you.
I suck at lemons. And bar mitzvah planning. 😉
I thought of it, but we were in the midst of our 10 minutes of signing off…
Excuse my naivite, but is a bat mitzvah as much planning?
Annoying parents: too sheltering; talk in baby voices; talk nonstop about children’s bowel movements; oh crap I’m basically irritable actually . . .
Things I suck at: following instructions; paying bills; cooking; building physical things (but in my imagination I build some rocking castles in the sky).
I hear you. I can do some pretty amazing things in my imagination.
Hmm. That sounds rather, um…
Woot! Congrats on the humor award. You totally deserve it!
I suck at resisting the dubious allure of twitter and the Internet when I should be writing. Oh and according to my kids, I suck at making dinners. They’re getting Brussel sprouts all week long for that.
Green vegetable payback! Love it…
This was a great read! It encouraged me immensely! In fact, I think I’ll print them out on 3×5 cards, laminate them, and hang them around my house! Yeah, it’s great to know that others share in the suckiness department.
Let’s see, annoying parental behaviors…when mommy yells out of the car,”Love you shnookums! Have a goody woody day-ee-wayee!” (So I’m told) When they want to tattle but can’t because mommy will just throw the toy in dispute away or advise the victim to simply hit back. When mommy appears to be listening to the questions in the car but really isn’t because her jam is on and apparently EVERY song is her jam. /:-I
To list a few.
Things I suck at? Pshh.
Shopping. I hate it on every possible level. A dear friend recently suggested that I learn to enjoy the art of FLEA MARKETS, to which I quickly demoted them from “dear” to “meh” friendship status! 😉
Lately I suck at driving from point A to point B without incident.
I suck at waking up. It doesn’t matter how early or late it is, I’m not able to do it.
Conversation is something I’ve learned how to truly suck at. I use to be good at it but all it took was 8 years of hell to forget the art altogether. Sincere apologies to those who suffer through a phone call with me!! *chuckle*
Well, now I’m rather depressed. Thhanks! Introspection is a fabulous thing,eh? Good laughs!!
Yes! The art of the uninterrupted phone call. What’s that again? Sheesh. And be careful driving. And no being depressed over things we’re not…I can’t bear to enter my teen years again!
Thanks for the fab comment.
If you were to ask my wife, she would say I am annoying at everything being a parent, my daughter, on the other hand, says I’m the best daddy ever. Go figure.
I suck at starting a new project and failing to complete it.
Congrats and well wishes on the award!!!!
Love the dichotomy. I also suck at organizing my computer files. Big time. Thanks for the good wishes, Ray!
Annoying parents: talk about their kids as if they’re not there/can’t hear them. Or underestimate their kids, especially when they are young!
I suck at: Cooking! (I just don’t like to do it, so if I keep up the allusion that I suck at it my husband won’t make me do it.)
Cooking. I can be good at this. But I rarely give myself more than 20 minutes.
My mom truly believed that kids should be born at 19, or come from the store in a pre-packaged blister pack. She sucked at cooking (definitely).
I suck at typing (even though I started in the ninth grade), building birdhouses (Feathered zoning commissioner condemned five of mine), tire changing (I once left the corner of my jacket under the repaired wheel and had to move the car so I could put it back on), and supermarket can-stacking (classic case of last can, big crash).
Ha. I have a friend who believes we should raise each other’s children.
I love that you build birdhouses that don’t pass inspection – a hilarious anecdote!
I suck at understanding anything to do with stocks. I blame my parents. It’s so annoying that they didn’t send me to stock school.
Kudos on the “best of” award!! You definitely don’t suck at being funny! 🙂
Great stuff Leanne!
Congrats on the award! That’s awesome!
CONGRATULATIONS, FABULOUS!
You are so deserving.
And thanks for the laid/lay inclusion.
p.s. I’m still waiting to find out how to teach spoonerisms, by the way…
These Search Ironic Mom posts are great. I may have to use this idea–giving you credit, of course. It’s funny the random phrases that lead someone to a blog. Hmmm, I suck at organizing, general housekeeping, motivation. I’m not a human mom yet, but my annoying dog mom habits include getting dressed and then not taking my dogs out and not sharing my chicken with my boxers.
You’re the BEST! Oh my gosh congrats on winning the award and finally laying (lying?) to rest who the best Canadian humor blogger is…YOU! So deserved.
I totally suck at doing my daughter’s hair. Once when we went out a lady asked if she (3 yrs old at the time) did her own hair. ha! *blushes*
Congrats on your award! That’s all kinds of exciting.
Annoying Mom: Talking to me, her adult child about her sex life with my Dad. OMG, please stop!
Things I suck at: singing, anything that requires coordination, stepping OVER my dog in the middle of the night, balancing my check-book, plucking my eyebrows, learning when to shut my mouth ;P This list could go on and on LOL
Too funny!
Annoying Mom – according to my daughter, it’s saying things like “That’s how I roll” or calling the show Tosh.0, Josh.2 (in front of her friends).
I suck at : remembering that Josh.2 isn’t the name of a show, keeping the speed limit (and I have the multiple tickets plus a letter from the state telling me no more tickets or else), and obeying suggestion that includes “or else.”
Annoying Mum Habits:
Taking dishes OUT of the supposedly clean pile and saying they need rewashing
Insisting towels be hung up
Serving green vegetables with dinner
Things Mum sucks at:
Ironing – I’ll teach you though
Doing children’s homework for them – I pay for text books for a reason
Adjudicting over who used whose toothbrush
Congrats on the award! You deserve it! Love me some awesome search terms. Mine never fail to terrify me…
You totally suck at being boring.
I suck at not going back for seconds at meal times.
Congratulations, Leanne!
I hate to admit it, but I suck at basketball.
I suck at drawing stickmen. Seriously. I’m sure I suck at drawing other things too, I just figured I better master the stickman before I attempt them.
Congrats on the award!
Congrats on the award! You truly are one funny Canuck!! (Oh, and I keep forgetting to mention that I got the postcard. Thanks a bunch!).
Hmmm, annoying mom things and things I suck at? Nope, can’t think of a one. I am a perfect mom and an expert at every single thing I have ever attempted. It’s a burden, really.
I suck at anything that requires craftiness, artsy ness or creativity! I suck at paying bills on time. And I really suck at being anywhere on time, ever!
But I love your humor and I am glad I found your blog!! Congrats on your award!!