My face was red, sunburned red. I was breathing hard, a sign that my forty-year-old body was a couple of decades past being a competitive athlete, past being fit, past having a beautiful belly button on a stomach without stretch marks.
I continued my workout on our driveway, passing the basketball to one of my seven-year-old twins. We played hard in the sun-filled afternoon, taking advantage of a hot spring day.
With the encouragement of my kids, I started dunking on the Lilliputian net, pretending I had a vertical jump, pretending I was young enough to believe I could.
Vivian and William giggled.
I took a breather and let the real stars play.
Soon, they invited me back to their game. We played shoot-til-you-miss, where the rebounders keep passing the shooter the ball until she misses.
Before long, my husband drove up and parked on the street. The three of us kept playing amidst smiles, waves, and “Hi Daddy” greetings.
Vivian’s shot bounced off the rim, and William passed me the ball. I sunk one from the imaginary free throw line. Two. Three. And kept going. My form was on. For a moment, I was twenty again, I was fit, and my stomach was desirable.
I missed.
I walked over to my husband who had that grin on his face. I knew the one. I first saw it fourteen years ago when he picked me up for our second date.
He put his hand on my sweaty back. “Now that is sexy.”
I looked at him, my red face illuminating his. “Yeah, right,” I replied.
“Seriously,” he said. “This is when I find you sexiest.”
“When I’m sweaty, out of breath, and without make up?”
“Yes,” he said. “And unguarded. In your own world. Focused.”
I forgot about his comments for a while. For weeks, actually. Ever since I had two babies and two placentas yanked from my uterus, I’ve become rather good at forgetting.
Then last week I started to think about what makes moms sexy. I thought back to this conversation with my husband and to a few other fleeting moments when I felt sexy, and I realized this: being sexy, being desirable has nothing to do with being a mother, being twenty, or being a woman. What makes any adult sexy – at least to me – is the following:
- Confidence: Confidence comes from the brain. The body merely follows the orders that come from within. And if someone owns that message – regardless of how many scars crisscross her stomach or how red her face is – she oozes sexuality.
- Expertise and Passion: Expertise and passion are why people fawn over “ugly” musicians and why I’m continually in awe when I watch the Olympics. If a woman (or man) is highly skilled at something, pursues her gift regardless of obstacles, and is willing to demonstrate and share that passion, she is irresistible.
- Humor: There is something disarming and sexy-as-hell about a sense of humor, about wit, about daring to be funny.
- Clothes That Fit Whatever Shape or Size You Are Right Now: For me, it’s an expensive bra that defies gravity, and pants with a 36” inseam. Both of these would have helped me to stand taller as a teen…and perhaps even to dunk the basketball, at least metaphorically.
What makes someone sexy?
When have you felt sexy?
Right on Leanne, You hit the nail on the head with this post. Now go back out there and show those kids what a hot mom looks like!
Ha. Not sure I’m rockin’ that attitude today…
Leanne – Very well said. In January two fellow moms and I took on three fourth graders in a 3-on-3 match up on one of the said mom’s driveways. It was a 60-degree day in southeastern MI, which was a treat in itself. We three ended up besting the boys by one basket. Then, when the boys had enough we stayed on the court and played H-O-R-S-E.
What makes someone sexy: demonstrated love for life, living in the moment, and ability to not take oneself too seriously.
When have I felt sexy: last night at the Daddy/Daughter dance hosted by my daughter’s school. My husband was sick. So, I stepped in as “dad” for night complete with one of my fave dresses and kick *ss shoes.
Love it, Kate! Fun for everyone…especially the moms, I suspect. 🙂
Spot on. The clothes is a big thing. It’s hard to feel sexy in high waters and a wedgie.
This is true. Though hoodies sometimes work.
Compassion. Being empathetic to others is definitely sexy. Great post!
Yes! I missed that one. And its cousin, generosity.
My huband is always hottest when I hear elderly women in the grocery store talking about how he fixed their eyes and how he has great hands. I just want him to eat him for lunch. Wait, I mean, I want him to call me and take me out to lunch. Let’s not get carried away. 😉
Yes, talent in our hubbies. 🙂
Yes! I feel sexiest when I know what I’m doing, and not the “I got this” kind of knowledge but the “I AM the person for the job” knowledge. I even feel sexy when I fearlessly try new things – even fearfully try them. The kind of fear where my body wants to expel something from some orifice but I clench my way through it ending with a huge grin on my face and newly found knowledge that that was not only “not so bad” but FUN!
Sexy in others? Confidence, humor – being able to laugh at ones own foibles, not being a jackass – the ability to “refrain” from saying hurtful things in situations where spouting them off would be perfectly understandable.
Yes, trying new things. The willingness to fail can be sexy.
I loved what you said about humor. I think you are right and hey, if you haven’t got a sense of humor, life has gotta be extremely tedious!
I affectionately call my stretched out stomach skin, “my Capuchin belly pie!”
I love that you have a name for your stomach skin. That’s sexy!
You nailed it. Sexiness is an attitude, not an appearance.
Yes.
Right on, Leanne. Confidence, humour, a love of life can turn an ugly toad into a Prince Charming.
Agreed. Well put, Patricia.
Ugly musicians get me, and your explanation about it makes it feel legitimate and reasonable. Finally 😀 Thanks
I know i’m very, veeery old fashioned, but for me the sexiest thing is saving the damsel in distress. “Pardon me, darling, i’ll just slay the dragon and be right back to you.” Yeah, I know… can’t help it.
PS I can’t even throw a basketball, my shots are straight but the ball starts going down the parabole 2-3 feet BEFORE meeting the basket… I should weight train a bit.
Feminist me still agrees with you. It’s nice to be defended, to have people on your team willing to stick their necks out for you.
And don’t worry about basketball. There are plenty of things I don’t do well. I just avoid them. Or I don’t care…
I love your list. With confidence and humour we can all be sexy beasts.
Sexy beasts…love it.
I’ve been married to my wife for 2 and a half years. Still, every time I take off my underwear, she makes a face and smiles like it’s the first time she’s ever “observed” me. It’s cute.
I don’t think this answered anything you asked.
I don’t regret saying it.
I might regret saying it.
Ok, off to teach sixth graders how to diagram sentences. (shoot me please)
If you think diagramming sentences to 6th graders is bad, imagine doing it in your underwear.
LOL on Annie’s comment about high waters and wedgies. I read a recent blog about age appropriate clothes–wherein the blogger chastised mom’s for wearing skinny jeans and above-the-knee skirts. I thought then and still believe your age is what you make it and anything that fits well and makes the wearer happy about themselves is fine by me. Well, actually I thought “bunk”, but didn’t let that nugget past my brain filter.
One tiny exception was a young woman in Starbucks the other day who bent over to select her lunch. The fact that I knew what color of undies she wore was TMI.
People “doing their thing” at unguarded moments is the best kind of sexy. For those boot scootin’ lovers without a partner, Cavender’s Boot City plays great two-stepping music and the boot aisles are an awesome hide-away dance floor waiting to happen.
LOVE the visual of you playing the Thing One and Thing Two, Leanne.
Thanks, Gloria. Yes. I think doing it “just because” is great. And a certain degree of flirty modesty can go a long way.
One of the things I’ve always thought about was how much variation there is in the way we feel about ourselves when in reality most observers don’t notice nearly as much change. We’re forever baffled by getting compliments when we feel at our worst and crickets when we think we’ve got it going on.
Ha! Yes! Clay, that is SO true.
Truth.
Totally agree! Great piece, thanks for writing it.
Thanks, Diana. 🙂
I agree that confidence is key. Being comfortable in your own skin.
Yes. So so true.
Oh, I love this post! Spot on, sexy mama.
Thank ya, Sexy Butt.
this post is sexy. dead sexy.
it’s funny, the things our men find sexy…my husband gets turned on when i beat other guys at pool.
I get that. Pool is a sexy sport. I had a friend (platonic) and we’d hang out in his parents’ basement playing pool. I was lousy. Still am due to lack of practice. We’d play. He’d play to my level. We’d chat. Then when I got tired, he’d say, “You’re done? Sure?” And he’d clean up. Totally. I get how that’s sexy.
Amen, you shooting, scoring sex pot, you! 😉 Confidence and humor also top my list of what makes someone sexy to me, along with selflessness. And as for when *I* feel sexy, having the right make-up and outfit that’s just a little clingy when I haven’t binged on pizza, is really at the heart of it. Although no make-up and cute work-out garb has a similar effect. I am shallow in this way (and so many more). I’m always surprised if/when I get compliments about my appearance when I feel cruddy and in sweats, but I think it’s just as yours said – it’s being offguard and not TRYING to be sexy that’s so appealing.
Yes, that’s it. That’s the paradox.
Love it. Who needs a flat belly when you’ve got these other qualities? Thanks for the reminder!
Amen.
This is awesome! I keep trying to tell my wife that it’s her stretchmarks that are dead sexy. For real.
(Don’t tell her I was here, and said this).
Aww. That’s lovely. My DH affectionately refers to mine as “war wounds.”
At my age and weight, the thing that makes me sexiest is staying away from mirrors.
Ha. That’s funny, but nonsense!
Great post! Confidence, humour and intelligence. That’s it in a nutshell.
Yes. Hey, are you heading to SiWC again this year?
I heard someone once say (or write), they are not stretch marks, they’re tiger stripes!
Love that. When Vivian was three, she called my stretch marks “silver rainbows.”
I’m always amazed how the ability to sing transforms someone for me. And I think you have your list dead on. And I love the talent of flirting… It can be a lost art form.
I’ve been thinking about this post since I read it this afternoon. I’m amazed at our (it’s a collective “our” – as in, people) ability to listen to lies more than truth. Why do we assume the worst? Why do we look down ourselves? Why do we think we need to measure up to what the media says is beautiful, since that’s not what most people think anyway? That’s just a sampling of my musings that resulted from this post. Well, here’s to being confidently sexy, no matter what we look like or what lies are swimming around in our heads just waiting to be snagged.
I used to melt when I’d walk into the room and find Bill playing Pretty Pretty Princess with Karly.
Is there anything sexier than a grown man wearing a crown for his four-year-old daughter?
I know. It sounds a little wrong. But I swear. He’s sexy when he does it.
Amazing piece; amazing hubby expressing himself so well and in such a timely manner. I think about this issue a lot, surrounded as I am by 6-foot Dutch goddesses who flawlessly wear stilettos on cobblestones. Graceful & sexy (in comparison) I am not! My “war wounds” include multiple scars from multiple surgeries; my abdomen resembles lumpy sand dunes. (My oldest once told me the marks on my belly reminded her of chicken skin; thanks, hon.)
Don’t know if I ever actively feel “sexy” but when I am most comfortable in my own skin — confident, busy, happy, generally singing loudly off-key — that is when my husband tends to give me “that” grin and I feel just plain all-over great. 😉
I usually belt out old Joan Jett songs, btw. Don’t know if that makes a difference or not!
Confidence and intelligence are the two biggies; you’ve got that part exactly right. I never really feel sexy myself except when I’m doing something “on the jazz” as Col. Smith might say.
And now I have Rod Stewart on the brain, “If you want my body, and you think I’m sexy…” Gah!
I agree that sexy is in the mind and the attitude. Oh, and in the smile…
I generally feel sexy after playing a hard ice hockey game. Oh wait, I feel sweaty and not sweaty. Sorry….
Between catching up on blogs, I have been preparing a playlist for my spin class tomorrow. I decided it would be fun to put all my “I think I’m sexy” songs on one playlist, but was short a few. After a good hour on itunes scrolling through sexy songs, I feel like I might need a shower. In the end, though, my favorite was “I don’t need your body because I’m sexy to me.” Confident and Funny!
This post warmed my heart and made me smile. It made me think of all the little moments with my husband – particularly watching him with our children. Whether they are tickling and rough housing, or playing in the pool hearing them giggle and laugh always warms my heart. Watching him cook dinner or fold laundry for some reason is sexy. I know, I’m weird. As for when I feel sexy – it’s probably when I feel everything in our life is balanced and under control/going well.