I’m starting to think I have irony tattooed on my forehead. Either that or naive. Or idiot. Take your pick.
Before I share greater irony than even Alanis could wail about, please click the link below to read the humor column that I wrote. It was published in The Calgary Herald this morning. It has the same I-can’t-believe-my-kids-really-did-that quality as the time Vivian and William used rocks to write on our minivan.
It’s a nice story, isn’t it? There’s conflict, there’s resolution. It ends happily.
Fast forward to today. I’m at work. I check my cell for a text. My mom’s flying in, and she said she’d let me know when she boarded the plane. Her message confirms she has.
But there’s also a text from my husband, telling me about the sprinkler man’s visit. He was scheduled to come early this morning, to do whatever sprinkler men do. We thought it was a good idea to have him come out. After all, we have the deadest lawn on the block. Wouldn’t it be convenient if we could blame that on faulty underground sprinklers?
It’s never that simple.
I read the text from my husband. It says: “Guy came. Back tap was on. For a while. Sigh.”
My response: “OMG.”
I call home.
“The tap was left on?” I ask, hoping I misunderstood.
“Yup,” he answers.
“I know,” my husband says. I can sense defeat in his voice.
“Was it on full blast?”
“Sort of,” he says. “The tap was on the whole time, but it was attached to the Dora sprinkler head, which may have stopped a bit of it.”
I hang up the phone and hang my head.
I think back to the last time Vivian and William played outside. It’s been raining for days, so it’s been a while. I recall tweeting something.
I search and find this tweet.
Five. Days. Ago.
So the day my water piece gets published is the day we realize that my kids have done it again.
It has me wondering if ire is the root word of irony. Because it should be.
If you live in Calgary (or want to come visit next weekend), I have some double movie passes to Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer to give away. It’s premiering at the Scotiabank Chinook Centre on Saturday, June 4 at 10 a.m. The film is based on the books by Megan McDonald. (You have to love an early-reader series where the female protagonist has attitude and the brother is named Stink).
To enter, simply tell me in the comments that you wish to be considered. You can also retweet this post on Twitter or like my Facebook Page for additional entries. I’ll announce the winners next week.
As an added incentive, I will be at the movie with Vivian and William. My kids have never before seen a movie in the theatre. Why, you ask? Because this is what happens whenever they watch a full-length DVD. Be prepared to be entertained by the Ironic Mom sideshow.